abusive relationship any advice?

TURBO2GO

TURBO2GO

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Probably not the best place to look, but I figured I ask anyway maybe someone can help.

I know someone in an abusive relationship. I just found out about it. It is severe. The girl is a teenager. She is very afraid, the guy is a psycho. Her family life is messed up, there is no help there. I can't just let it go and feel I should do something. Can you guys point me to any direction? should I just call the cops? She says she still loves him.... "its not all bad". She is not at the point where she knows whats going on. It is physically abusive.
 
If it's as bad as you say it is it will end when she is beat real bad or dead. I would call the cops and talk to them. It's bad to butt in but it's worse to have someone beat / dead and knowing you did nothing. They will put him on a restraining order and then if he gets close he will goto jail again. I had to do something like this on my mother in law as she used to beat my wife until she moved in with me.
 
For starters you need to convince her.If you become a whistle blower and she can't follow through the legal proccess you may bring a world of hurt on yourself from psycho.If she is underage you have more ground to stand on but iether way you need to convince her to seek help.There are many local and state agencies for battered woman.
 
docjohn said:
For starters you need to convince her.If you become a whistle blower and she can't follow through the legal proccess you may bring a world of hurt on yourself from psycho.If she is underage you have more ground to stand on but iether way you need to convince her to seek help.There are many local and state agencies for battered woman.
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X1000, if she is not along or goes back they can not do anything and she will be beat. Love does not = getting beat.
 
Unfortunately, there really isn't much you can do at this point. Calling the cops sounds like a good idea, but just from the way you are describing her reactions to the situation ("it's not that bad, "I still love him") even if you call she will not press charges. And then the guy will probably beat her more for the trouble. She has to convince herself that this a bad situation that she needs to get out of. Other than going Charles Bronson on the guy, all you can really do at this point is encourage her to seek help and leave the SOB.

Edit- Well, I guess I just echoed what was already said. I'm not quick enough on the draw.
 
You need to start to establish a pattern of abuse to the authorities if you want this guy to ever be locked up or punished (within the law). You can call the cops and regardless of if she wants to press charges or not he IS going to be arrested. Thats assuming there is evidence which should not be a problem.
 
You'd be surprised how much time the average street cop spends on domestic abuse calls,usualy the same homes.Any "normal " woman after being threatened or beat would just walk away/press charges,but there is a subgroup of woman who form a symbiotic realtionship of beatup makeup and dwell on the 30% that is ok with the relationship.Spend some time in an urban ER.You want sad,typical scene young unmarried couple bring in a lethargic child ct scan and x rays show clear signs of child abuse.The mother says nothing.Once child services is on the case then she concedes the boyfriend beats the kid,so in the end the only real advocate for these poor children is the friggen xrays.
 
You never ever hit a woman goes without saying.

We had a friend who was severly abused and in the end her abusive boyfriend got what was coming to him if you know what I mean (not via the authorities but via friends who cared). Not advocating it but it worked.

Needless to say he never went near our friend again.
 
Jetpilot3 said:
You never ever hit a woman goes without saying.

We had a friend who was severly abused and in the end her abusive boyfriend got what was coming to him if you know what I mean (not via the authorities but via friends who cared). Not advocating it but it worked.

Needless to say he never went near our friend again.
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Well, getting an restraining order is probably the first step into this. Even if the RO is violated the consequences would be much severe than if there wasn't an RO. I have a friend also in the same situation where she has filed and got the permanent RO on the guy for I believe 5 years. But like what the OP said, this friend of mine as well says that she still have "love" for him.....:mad:
 
Your gonna have to go old school my friend. You an a couple of friends follow him and beat him within an inch of his pathetic life. Crush his nutsack so it's no longer useable. Let him know why it's happening but never reviel your identity. Sorry if I sound cruel, I'm not. But sometimes the legal way is'nt the best way.
 
docjohn said:
Any "normal " woman after being threatened or beat would just walk away/press charges,but there is a subgroup of woman who form a symbiotic realtionship of beatup makeup and dwell on the 30% that is ok with the relationship.
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Yes this is called the stockholm syndrome, victims that protect their abusers because "they are not THAT bad".

http://drjoecarver.makeswebsites.com/clients/49355/File/love_and_stockholm_syndrome.html

Turbo2go,

you should let her read this article and see how she relates to it. Based on what you said she probably can check of a multitude of red flags.



http://www.drjoecarver.com/clients/49355/File/IdentifyingLosers.html

That said, until she recognizes that she is in an abusive relationship there might not be too much you can do besides calling the police. However often times vicitms will lie for the abuser and deny anything happened, I fell and hit a table etc. Then they, the couple, will paint you as their enemy for trying to destroy "their love of each other".

Here is another resource for you:

http://www.enotalone.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=63
 
Last edited:
apparently this girl is not the only one he is doing this to. He is also violent sexually. These guys are all tough with a girl half their size. Thanks for the advice guys. Really helpful. I'm rather angry at all of it. I just have no tolerance for this kind of shit. This is a really sweet really beautiful girl. I don't see this ending well.
 
docjohn said:
For starters you need to convince her.
This is the big thing you need to do and probably the hardest if she is thinking in the sense of "its not that bad", "i still love him", "he still loves me." Cops, restraining order, etc., do nothing if she is blinded or stubborn. Convince her there is more fish in the sea, move on, this kind of life with abuse boy is not worth it.
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TURBO2GO said:
The girl is a teenager. She is very afraid, the guy is a psycho. Her family life is messed up, there is no help there.
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You say her family life is messed up, but surely there is someone in the family that cares :confused:

Also, you say she's afraid - sounds like she needs to talk with a professional therapist that can help her get over him. After she's over him, then maybe he can be dealt with through authorities?

Sorry man, tough situation for you to be in.
 
I have no experience in this heartbreaking matter but...

I would approach this from a two pronged approach.
1) Actively work with the victim to make her understand that this relationship is in no way good or healthy.
2) Contact the authorities. If you witness an incident, report it. If you suspect there's an issue, report it. As I understand it, the police can't do much unless the victim is willing to press charges but calling the police at least gets things documented.

Do not... I repeat... do not take matters into your own hands. While this SOB sounds like he could use a real ass kicking, that tact almost never works.
 
Round up some guys, go to this SOB and beat the living day light out of him, or at least make understand the potential of ass beating. If he understands it, and actually do love the girl, he might be nice to her; if he's in it for either sexual or financial benefit, he will move on and find another girl.
 
Sorry but I really have to disagree. First thing that should be addressed is why she allows herself to be in a relationship like this? Almost any female would cut this off at the first symptom of abuse. Why does she remain? She needs some professional help.

Second point is there are effective legal protections available to her. Why would some guy(s) put themselves in a potential legal environment to "kick some guy's butt?" Good for you, now you can go to jail and ruin your own life with that on your record.:confused:
 
Dtrigg said:
Sorry but I really have to disagree. First thing that should be addressed is why she allows herself to be in a relationship like this? Almost any female would cut this off at the first symptom of abuse. Why does she remain? She needs some professional help.

Second point is there are effective legal protections available to her. Why would some guy(s) put themselves in a potential legal environment to "kick some guy's butt?" Good for you, now you can go to jail and ruin your own life with that on your record.:confused:
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Every heard of the phrase "Because he love me!"

Unfortunately, girls can be strange creatures when it comes to relationships.

How many nice girls you know ended up with jackasses. One after another!!!

Some of them just don't learn, a good way to protect them is basically let those guys know she is NOT alone! That is, if the girl is worth of helping.
 
This is really sad to hear. A friend of mine has a dead niece because of abuse. Her death could have been avoided if the authorities took the proper action.

Here is the summary. This girl was in an abusive relationship with a psycho. She got wise and broke things off. The guy stalked her and continued to beat her. She repeatedly reported it to the police. They went to court to have him put in jail for assault and battery and stalking, the court denied the action. In retaliation he murdered her and her boy friend in front of her 2 children in her house/apt. He is now in prison and unfortunately there are 2 dead and 2 traumatized children because of a glitch in the law where this happened.

As mentioned before she needs professional help. Although, there is nothing anyone can do for her until she decides enough is enough. Hopefully, your friend will wise up and get out of the relationship.

If this guy is truly a psycho the there is no telling how far and what he will do to hurt her. As was the case above.
 
Any story related to this subject is tragic. Even the ones that don't end in untimely death. The worst may be the ones where you just can't do anything, because as much as you might want to, you can't rescue someone who doesn't want to be rescued.

I'm thinking of becoming a cop, but one of my worst fears is having to deal with things like this night after night, and being able to do exactly nothing about it.

Nick
 
davidf said:
Your gonna have to go old school my friend. You an a couple of friends follow him and beat him within an inch of his pathetic life. Crush his nutsack so it's no longer useable. Let him know why it's happening but never reviel your identity. Sorry if I sound cruel, I'm not. But sometimes the legal way is'nt the best way.
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I hate to agree, but I agree. It's either that or nothing.

This is not the kind of thing that keeps happening when the girl has a bunch of older brothers.
 

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