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For those of you who have pets ...

Joined
10 April 2000
Messages
6,126
Location
Silicon Valley
THIS IS A TRUE STORY. FOR THOSE THAT DON'T, IT'S ALSO A TRUE STORY. The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes on the floor with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate does not mean that is suddenly your food, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the top of the stairs is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It IS NOT necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space that you are taking up, is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door: TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS: (1) They live here....you don't. (2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it "fur"-niture. (3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people. (4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted companions who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly. Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they: (1) eat less, (2) don't ask for money all the time, (3) are easier to train, (4) normally come when called, (5) never ask to drive the car, (6) don't hang out with drug-using people; (7) don't smoke or drink, (8) don't want to wear your clothes, (9) don't have to buy the latest fashions, (10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and (11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
 
:biggrin: :biggrin: Thank you for ^that. I really did laugh out loud while my Siamese cat was/is on my lap giving my arm a bath.

IMG_2295110411Zoro.jpg
 
QueenLives thats pretty funny!!!!
 
glad you gals'n'guys got a laugh out of it ... it sure sounds like things around my house.
 
LMAO That was great.:biggrin:
 
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

My solution to this was to install lever handles on the doors. Now the dog has free roam. The whole lack of a thumb thing wasn't working out for her, but the lever do. I put auto closing hinges on the exterior doors so she can let herself out. I am still trying to figure out how to solve her getting back in problem. The door is too heavy for her to pull. How cool would it be to install an auto opener at nose level like the ones that open handicapped doors.
 
My solution to this was to install lever handles on the doors. Now the dog has free roam. The whole lack of a thumb thing wasn't working out for her, but the lever do. I put auto closing hinges on the exterior doors so she can let herself out. I am still trying to figure out how to solve her getting back in problem. The door is too heavy for her to pull. How cool would it be to install an auto opener at nose level like the ones that open handicapped doors.

I have a friend that put lever handles on the exterior door. He tied towels on them so the dog can pull down and back away with it in it's mouth to pull the door open. He then taught his dog to jump on the door lightly to shut it when he comes back in.
 
steve, craig - what a hoot ... we were "dog people" first and now we're just "pet people".
 
That's funny... I read it to my wife who loved it!!
 
This gave me a good laugh (11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
 
<img src="http://speedwagon.as.utexas.edu/~dario/cat_plotting_to_kill_you.jpg" width="1200" >
 
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