NSX vs ................CHUCK NORRIS!
- Thread starter khappucino
- Start date
bahahahahahaahaa....that is too funny. I guess Chucky wins.
great stuff...
The last person who looked at Mr. T was Ray Charles.
At the end of every rainbow is Mr. T. It is another way for Mr. T to pity fools. Everyone knows Mr. T ate the leprechaun.
Some believe that Mr. T. is unintelligent because he uses what we believe to be made up words like jibba jabba. However those words are the answers to the most complicated mathematical problems in the universe. Mr. T. has known this his entire life and does not tell anyone because ones brain would implode if you tried to comprehend the question. Mr. T. pities those who try.
The punishment for manslaughter in El Salvador is 35 years of Mr. T's pity without parole.
On the 0th day, Mr. T created God. Then made God do the rest of the work while Mr. T pitied him.
Mr. T can smell some things up to six miles away.
Mr. T uses e before i as he pleases.
Gary Coleman met an early death when Mr. T ate him, mistaking him for a Ho-Ho.
Mr. T does not have dinner parties. The one and only dinner party he had he served mohawks of fury and double fists of pain.
The last time Mr. T and Chuck Norris teamed up, Atlantis sunk.
Few people know that "The A-Team" was completely true. The only thing the producers invented was that the A-Team had been in Vietnam. If Mr. T had actually been fighting for the US in Vietnam, Saigon would be the capital of America's fifty-first state right now.
When Mr. T was 18-months old he ended World War II. He simply folded his arms, shook his head, and the entire Nazi Armies stopped at once. When Hitler tried to protest Mr T. killed him, took all the country's Gold, and fashioned it into chains for all to see. Sources say that Hitler was the first pitied fool.
Mr. T is very superstitious. Because of this, he tears off the head of any black cat that crosses his path. In fact, he tears off the head of just about any animal that crosses his path. Mr. T can never be too careful.
The term "baker's dozen" was created because Mr. T scared the baker so much that he gave him an extra donut.
One night Mr. T took a 10 p.m. train home. He still refuses to give it back.
I was going to make a Random Mr. T Fact, but he pitied me into not doing it.
Mr.T was the pope, twice
After Jesus turned water into wine, Mr. T turned that wine into blood and disappeared in a cloud of smoke. When the smoke settled all that remained was a giant wooden "T" and Jesus knew he was in trouble.
Mr. T walked in front of a speeding bus. Needless to say, he was charged with 7 counts of manslaughter.
Mr. T destroyed the periodic table, saying Mr. T. only recognizes the element of surprise.
When asked for his thoughts on vegetarians, Mr. T said: “If god didn’t want us to eat animals he wouldn’t have made them out of meat…Fool.”
Mr. T once travelled back in time and space, reaching a galaxy far, far away long, long time ago. He pitied the galaxy so hard, that he invented the force.
If the pity emanating from Mr. T could be harnessed the resulting energy would power the entire Earth for 3 generations. However, the cost of developing and constructing a structure that could withstand and contain such an overwhelming amount of concentrated pity could power the entire Earth for 4 generations.
Mr. T is hung like a 8 year old. No, seriously... his penis is the size of a small boy.
The film "Brokeback Mountain" was originally pitched as an off-beat romance starring Mr. T and Chuck Norris. The sole reason the two legends declined the starring roles is because if Mr. T and Chuck Norris were to kiss, there would be new meaning to the word homosexual...it would mean "obligation" .
During the first season of American Gladiators, 24 contestants died while attempting to run the Eliminator. The Eliminator was a cardboard cutout of Mr. T.
Mr. T has removed Pee Wee Herman from existence for making fun of his cereal.
Contrary to popular belief, it wasn't the planes that killed King Kong, nor beauty, but instead the fear of being pitied by Mr. T.
Mr. T is slated to star in the hit show formerly known as "Everybody Loves Raymond," which was changed to "Everyone Tolerates Raymond" last season and will now become "Mr. T Pities Raymond."
Mr. T once entered a Hot Dog eating contest. He ate a record 93 hot dogs, a 72 oz. steak, two pedestrians, a streetlamp, and a judge who called him "that guy from the A-Team".
At the end of every rainbow is Mr. T. It is another way for Mr. T to pity fools. Everyone knows Mr. T ate the leprechaun.
Some believe that Mr. T. is unintelligent because he uses what we believe to be made up words like jibba jabba. However those words are the answers to the most complicated mathematical problems in the universe. Mr. T. has known this his entire life and does not tell anyone because ones brain would implode if you tried to comprehend the question. Mr. T. pities those who try.
The punishment for manslaughter in El Salvador is 35 years of Mr. T's pity without parole.
On the 0th day, Mr. T created God. Then made God do the rest of the work while Mr. T pitied him.
Mr. T can smell some things up to six miles away.
Mr. T uses e before i as he pleases.
Gary Coleman met an early death when Mr. T ate him, mistaking him for a Ho-Ho.
Mr. T does not have dinner parties. The one and only dinner party he had he served mohawks of fury and double fists of pain.
The last time Mr. T and Chuck Norris teamed up, Atlantis sunk.
Few people know that "The A-Team" was completely true. The only thing the producers invented was that the A-Team had been in Vietnam. If Mr. T had actually been fighting for the US in Vietnam, Saigon would be the capital of America's fifty-first state right now.
When Mr. T was 18-months old he ended World War II. He simply folded his arms, shook his head, and the entire Nazi Armies stopped at once. When Hitler tried to protest Mr T. killed him, took all the country's Gold, and fashioned it into chains for all to see. Sources say that Hitler was the first pitied fool.
Mr. T is very superstitious. Because of this, he tears off the head of any black cat that crosses his path. In fact, he tears off the head of just about any animal that crosses his path. Mr. T can never be too careful.
The term "baker's dozen" was created because Mr. T scared the baker so much that he gave him an extra donut.
One night Mr. T took a 10 p.m. train home. He still refuses to give it back.
I was going to make a Random Mr. T Fact, but he pitied me into not doing it.
Mr.T was the pope, twice
After Jesus turned water into wine, Mr. T turned that wine into blood and disappeared in a cloud of smoke. When the smoke settled all that remained was a giant wooden "T" and Jesus knew he was in trouble.
Mr. T walked in front of a speeding bus. Needless to say, he was charged with 7 counts of manslaughter.
Mr. T destroyed the periodic table, saying Mr. T. only recognizes the element of surprise.
When asked for his thoughts on vegetarians, Mr. T said: “If god didn’t want us to eat animals he wouldn’t have made them out of meat…Fool.”
Mr. T once travelled back in time and space, reaching a galaxy far, far away long, long time ago. He pitied the galaxy so hard, that he invented the force.
If the pity emanating from Mr. T could be harnessed the resulting energy would power the entire Earth for 3 generations. However, the cost of developing and constructing a structure that could withstand and contain such an overwhelming amount of concentrated pity could power the entire Earth for 4 generations.
Mr. T is hung like a 8 year old. No, seriously... his penis is the size of a small boy.
The film "Brokeback Mountain" was originally pitched as an off-beat romance starring Mr. T and Chuck Norris. The sole reason the two legends declined the starring roles is because if Mr. T and Chuck Norris were to kiss, there would be new meaning to the word homosexual...it would mean "obligation" .
During the first season of American Gladiators, 24 contestants died while attempting to run the Eliminator. The Eliminator was a cardboard cutout of Mr. T.
Mr. T has removed Pee Wee Herman from existence for making fun of his cereal.
Contrary to popular belief, it wasn't the planes that killed King Kong, nor beauty, but instead the fear of being pitied by Mr. T.
Mr. T is slated to star in the hit show formerly known as "Everybody Loves Raymond," which was changed to "Everyone Tolerates Raymond" last season and will now become "Mr. T Pities Raymond."
Mr. T once entered a Hot Dog eating contest. He ate a record 93 hot dogs, a 72 oz. steak, two pedestrians, a streetlamp, and a judge who called him "that guy from the A-Team".
didn't want to start a new thread so i searched and found this.
Now i have a little fun stuff to add about the great uncontested chuck norris!!! hahahaha
here we go:
# If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
# When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
# Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
# Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
# Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
# When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
# Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
# Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
# Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
# If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
# Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
# Chuck Norris once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr, insisting that that actually is "his" way.
# 'Icy-Hot' is too weak for Chuck Norris. After a workout, Chuck Norris rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA.
# Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
# Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.
# Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it
would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.
# Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.
# It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face.
# Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but barbecue-flavored ice cream and Hot Pockets.
#In one episode of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Chuck Norris replaced Carlton for one scene and nobody noticed.
receieved it as an email and sprayed my drink through my nose!!! :biggrin:
Now i have a little fun stuff to add about the great uncontested chuck norris!!! hahahaha
here we go:
# If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
# When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
# Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
# Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
# Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
# When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
# Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
# Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
# Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
# If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
# Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
# Chuck Norris once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr, insisting that that actually is "his" way.
# 'Icy-Hot' is too weak for Chuck Norris. After a workout, Chuck Norris rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA.
# Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
# Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.
# Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it
would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.
# Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.
# It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face.
# Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but barbecue-flavored ice cream and Hot Pockets.
#In one episode of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Chuck Norris replaced Carlton for one scene and nobody noticed.
receieved it as an email and sprayed my drink through my nose!!! :biggrin:
Last edited:
FrEsHaZzBuRu said:
Sorry, Allen Steen, Joe Lewis, Louis Delgado, and 2 other no namers would disagree :redface:
Yeah, these jokes were played out last year, but the ones i posted were emailed to me and i haven't heard them yet. I thought i'd find a lot more than what i did when i searched.
i just love the thread name. There was a complaint about all these "NSX vs xyz car" threads... this is just the ultimate. 
