"The things you own end up owning you" Fight Club

[BillyIdol]

Yup, that pretty much sums it up.

I have found that many times that the more stuff you own, the more of your life (time) and money that you have to shell out to fix it, maintain it, store it, etc. And many times, the more stuff you have, the unhappier you are. Material things rarely bring us happiness, they often bring us misery. I mean check out all the junk that people once thought that they wanted at garage sales.

Sometimes I think that I was happier when I had a beat up 1991 Nissan Sentra XE. I didn't worry about washing it. Or parking it under trees that dripped sap. I didn't care about it all that much. I was very carefree. My hubcaps flew off, I didn't care. You spilled your Jamba Juice in the passenger seat? I didn't care. I wiped it up, and didn't shed a tear. To me, my car was just for getting me from one place to another. Well, that was me, maybe that is not you.

Sometimes you have this dream car or dream whatever (that is fairly expensive), and then you realized that the dream was not worth it at all. I have not ever been one to dream of huge mansions with 18 bedrooms. To me, that sounds painful and unnecessary. A mansion would bring me misery. I would immediately sell it. All I need is a rented room is someone else's house. Simple is beautiful. Simple is elegant. Look at all of the people with their overextended credit lines trying to buy stuff they don't need to impress people that they don't like. Seems extremely crazy and silly to me. Look at all their spending, did it bring them happiness, I don't think so.

 

[BillyIdol]

I'm writing in segments because I often get cut off.

I really relate to the book "4 Hour Workweek" by Tim Ferriss. I think that we should chase experience, not stuff. I can see why many people would want a house. But, for other people, a house is nothing more than a hindrance to my happiness. It burdens you with so much overhead that it becomes hard to have any adventures in life.

I know that many people say that, "A house is a good investment." Well, maybe it is, but if you are miserable for 30 years while making your sky high payments, what is the point of living a life saddled with huge financial obligations that don't make you happy? And you know how women are with all of their expensive decorating ideas (stainless steel refridgerators, let's redo the cabinets, let's add a gazebo, etc.) Of course, it would be nice to have a house AND a lot of money. But, that is easier said than done. I make a nice middle class income too. I'm a special education teacher by the way.

Anyway, I'm not saying that we should all think the way I think, and each to your own. But, I think that the financial crisis really highlights that our consumeristic ways rarely add to our happiness. Why buy a bunch of stuff you don't need, so that you can work all day, and never have any fun?

Your thoughts are welcome.

John

 

[BillyIdol]

I guess that I have been real philosophical lately because my father in law died 2 weeks ago. It was real sobering to be at his funeral. It really makes think about how much you missed him, and what is really important in life. I kept thinking about how meaningless so much of the "stuff" that we buy is, when the real treasure is our family and friends. It made me realized how short life is. He died at 80. I'm 42. How much time do I have left? How much time do any of us have left? This funeral stuff really makes you think.

John

 

[transdzn]

Great post. Something to ponder about before bed time ;]

 

[fullracehonda]

different strokes for different folks:wink:



heres something to add to your insightful post though, i forgot where i heard it but i have always loved the quote:

"want what you have, dont have what you want"



and i doubt you would be carefree if somebody spilt a jamba juice in your nsx:tongue:

 

[fullracehonda]

funeral stuff does make you think, one of my close freinds past away about 2 1/2 years ago, i really havent been happy since that time(alot of downhill stuff within a 3 month period or so) what each of our lives means???? who knows, why arent any of us the ones that are brutaly murderd in a genocide on the other side of the world???? i have no idea, human life is wierd.


you should live how ever you want, however your happy because thats all that matters, maybe youll die tomorow, maybe youll die in 50 years, if you like driving a sentra and the care free lifestyle than more power to you, pesonaly cars have consumed me, i just love the feeling, i could care less about money but i know i am happy when im behind the wheel of a honda that i built, thats what makes me happy now but in 10 years things will probably be different.


good luck to you finding happiness

 

[tosugrad]

So you don't like your NSX?

 

[queenlives]

I guess that I have been real philosophical lately because my father in law died 2 weeks ago. It was real sobering to be at his funeral. It really makes think about how much you missed him, and what is really important in life. I kept thinking about how meaningless so much of the "stuff" that we buy is, when the real treasure is our family and friends. It made me realized how short life is. He died at 80. I'm 42. How much time do I have left? How much time do any of us have left? This funeral stuff really makes you think.

John

john,

first, my condolences on the loss of your father in law... losing a family member or close friend can be very difficult.

my take wrt material possessions: some are necessary for survival, some for comfort, some for pleasure and some for ego. i'm now 55 years old and have things that fit in each category, though i retired the "ego" goodies some time ago.

best wishes to you and your family in dealing with the loss of your father in law.

hal
btw, i looked @ your profile and it says you live in monrovia. i lived in an orphanage in covina in the early - mid 60's. one of the highlights of the year was at christmas time, the monrovia police department would give our residents a police escort from the home to the masonic lodge in monrovia for the annual christmas party. every time i see the word "monrovia", i'm taken back to those escorts and events.

 

[HTN]

I hear you BillyIdol.

I guess when we get older, we buy less things. Life progress and then it regress. I've just turned 33 and already feeling this way. I don't care to buy what is not needed. Or maybe this is the economic climate that is changing me. LOL
Some will spend half of their life time making money and spend the other half paying to fix their health.

Balance is key for me. I may not achieve balance everyday, but I try hardest.

Great book to read: "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle

 

[BillyIdol]

Do I like the NSX? Yeah, I do. I mean....it was a childhood dream. But I could definitely live without it. I guess there are parts of NSX ownership that can be a pain....like not wanting to park it someplace because you might get a door ding........like not wanting to go through the drive through because the windows might not roll up again.....etc. I mean those are a few of the negatives, but hey....you guys already know the positives. I mean look at the car.....it's beautiful in a classical way, sort of like Penelope Cruz or Salma Hayek. I guess I am finding out that I am not that much of a "fancy car" guy I guess.

But the car expense is not the expense that is killing me, it is housing because it is every month. I divorced in March 2007. I had to hand over a chunk to her, and I kept the house. I guess living in a house is really designed for 2 incomes, because having a house on one income is rough. I want to sell the house, but I might not as much as I would like. Perfect........the one time I want to sell the house and we have the worst housing market ever....great!!! Well, I'm looking into bringing in roommates, or just renting the whole house out, and then I would rent a modest apartment or rent a room in someone else's house. Sometimes I feel that I am working real hard for nothing because the mortgage eats up so much money per month.

Did I mention that my ex was a magician? Yeah.......she made all my money disappear!!!

I have been on this real "getting rid of things I don't use" kick lately. You know...selling stuff on craigslist. Donating stuff to charity. Throwing stuff away that I don't use. Having garage sales. I am finding that when you have less stuff, your life is simpler, and you are happier. YMMV. I guess I'm at the point where I'm thinking about maybe getting rid of the house and the NSX. We'll see about that.

John

 

[BillyIdol]

Htn, Fullrace...thanks for the thoughts.

Queen,

Yeah, Monrovia is nice. All American city. Nice people. The cops are super, super nice to people. I saw my first NSX ever driving south on Myrtle. That thing looked like a jet. The driver look like he was in the cockpit. That NSX got burned into my subconscious. I couldn't believe how beautiful it was!

John

 

[yojack1]

Sounds like your going thru some tough times right now. I also think it is natural to be feeling melancholy and be willing to part with material things you once dreamt about and possibly loved.
You are right, it is not acquisitions that make people happy, but give yourself some time to rekindle the thought of how proud you once were to have reached some of those material dreams. There is no guarantee that the alternative will help.
Chin up and good luck in the future!
JA

 

[NSXDreamer2]

first of all, to the OP, you need a daily beater!!! I have a miata, which really, I tried to keep it clean and still end up spending little money to modify it. (So that I can have fun driving it.) But then if someone dent my door, it'll be just a 30 seconds tantrem than say, if someone hit my nsx. Leave your nsx for good sunny days, or track day and stuff.. ( <--- well, then you will enter another world of pain..:tongue

My freind's funeral actually leads me to my first time driving the nsx, and ended up making my mind buying one...

I have been almost the same situation as you before, but luckily we worked it out. With the current economy, it's very tough on one income. Did you ever thought of renting a room or two to freinds?? You may not like to have a roommate, but that will give you room to park 2 cars (which took care of the first question.), loosen up your mortgage commitment, and you have people around you that you could hang out.

 

[gdae]

Now might be a good time to revisit Thoreau's Walden. The basic thrust of that book is the idea of simplicity. Granted, he takes the whole thing way too far, but you still might find it a timely read.
I'm almost all the way through it, and I don't want to sell all of my stuff. But I do find myself yearning for an isolated cabin in the woods.

 

[sahtt]

There are four stages in one's life according to Aryans who migrated to India in about 1500 B.C.E.

Knowledge Seeking
Married Life/Having Kids
Partial Detachment (from worldly things)
Full Detachment (from worldly things)

They might have figured it out a long time ago.

 

[steveny]

Sorry to hear about your father in law.


This is real life and a analogy combined.
For me, I like money. Money means when two lanes become one I get the lead.:smile: 400hp doesn't come cheap. it's not being out in front that I crave. It's not so I can feel like I am better than anyone behind me. It's for the pure pleasure of being able to look around and enjoy the scenery without having some a-hole in front of me not know where the hell he is going and slowing down at every intersection wondering if that is his turn, thus holding me up and forcing me to pay attention to what he is doing.

I also find it very difficult to frown while on a jet ski.

 

[GreyHoundSteve]

Sorry to hear about your father in law.


This is real life and a analogy combined.
For me, I like money. Money means when two lanes become one I get the lead.:smile: 400hp doesn't come cheap. it's not being out in front that I crave. It's not so I can feel like I am better than anyone behind me. It's for the pure pleasure of being able to look around and enjoy the scenery without having some a-hole in front of me not know where the hell he is going and slowing down at every intersection wondering if that is his turn, thus holding me up and forcing me to pay attention to what he is doing.

I also find it very difficult to frown while on a jet ski.

Did you borrow this one from Socrates?:tongue:

To the OP; Don't get rid of anything too important to you or you'll probably spend a good deal of your future trying to get it back.:wink:

 

[davidf]

I've always been a fairly simple person. I do miss my being single. I had a nice apartment, no yard work, no maintanance. If something broke, one phone call and it was repaired when I got home from work. All my credit cards had zero balances, absolutely no responsibility whatsoever. Seemed I was happy 24/7. Now I'm married, 2 step kids, morgage, huge front/back yard, big zero turning lawnmower, lots of lawn equipment, responsibilities everyday, inlaws:frown:, neighbors that think I want to talk to them everytime I go outside for something day or night. Life is not simple anymore for me. I guess I've been single for way to long.

 

[Cragar]

Hmmm..... Interesting thread.

Why do I own an NSX ?
-bit of a long story-


I bought my first house when I was 24yo. I worked my butt off to pay for it and pay it off in much less time than normal. I worked overtime every week , worked double shifts made money working outside of my primary job. I always worked , started working at 15yo and I had worked as a child mowing lawns , delivering newspapers , raking leaves , babysitting and shoveling snow to name a few. I guess you could say that I had a good work ethic and wanted to get ahead in life , pay my own way. An older gentleman who worked with me noticed that I was working lots of overtime and tried to talk me into slowing down and working less. He told me he watched his father work himself into an early grave and did not want to see that happen to me. I laughed it off and figured I was ok , young and full of energy , no big deal.

Then I turned 30 and came down with cancer.

Ouch , big wake -up call.

I was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. I was out of work and had to stay home for 6 months of nasty Chemotherapy. All of my hair fell out , I vomited more than I care to remember , went through so many tests , procedures , therapies and piles of doctor appointments. Spent lots of money , insurance covered most and one of the hardest parts was learning to do nothing and relax. It was very difficult to learn to not work and just relax. After all this I went back to work but not like before. That 6 months had opened up my eyes to the reality of life. You can die tomorrow getting hit by a truck. Suddenly working my butt off to retire rich did not look that appealing. I paid off my house shortly after all this being I had worked so hard it was almost paid off.

Then after the house was paid off I decided that adding to my 401k was not my primary goal in life and wanted to spend some money on something just for me.

Hence , I bought my NSX.

Sometimes having everything in life is not what you think it is.

Learn to stop and smell the roses , I just do it zooming by in my NSX , it makes me happy and that's what counts.

 

[BillyIdol]

Cragar,

Wow, amazing story. Yeah, I guess I bought my NSX in response to my budget being so tight due to my wife's (at the time). When we separated, I was looking at NSXs. I was slated to go see one on Saturday, but my finances were still legally married, but then the Thursday before I was going to look at the NSX, I got notification from the court that I was legally separated, so........to me.......it was a sign that someone upstairs wanted me to have this NSX. And.....I bought it. I guess I didn't realize that these cars are way more finicky than your typical daily driver. But the NSXs are way less finicky than Ferraris and Lambos.

John

 

[steveny]

I've always been a fairly simple person. I do miss my being single. I had a nice apartment, no yard work, no maintanance. If something broke, one phone call and it was repaired when I got home from work. All my credit cards had zero balances, absolutely no responsibility whatsoever. Seemed I was happy 24/7. Now I'm married, 2 step kids, morgage, huge front/back yard, big zero turning lawnmower, lots of lawn equipment, responsibilities everyday, inlaws:frown:, neighbors that think I want to talk to them everytime I go outside for something day or night. Life is not simple anymore for me. I guess I've been single for way to long.

I hear ya on the house thing. Although I have quite a few people around here doing all the BS I would really like to move into a high end rental, ditch the house and most of the help to bank more cash and shorten my 10 year plan down to seven or less by banking all the money I spend on domestic help.

I just want to have more time to spend with my family. That's what really is important.

 

[syam]

humm.

it's scary to think that my method of thinking and analysis of everything is so similar to what many of you have written, and i'm only 23...

what i have learned and discovered over the past 1.5 years of studying for my masters degree, filled with a lot of disappointment and not-so-fun personal times...that the only thing that matters is one's own happiness. surround yourself with family and friends, those who really matter, and spend your money on things that make you happy. make the best of today, because although the future is important, the present is all we have control over.

i've been trying to pitch this whole idea and mentality to my friends who are all around my age and nothing seems to get through.

here's one thing that got me through my ~4 hour/day commute while perusing my masters degree (leave 8am, work all day, get home midnight) everyday (7 days a week). right after the PATH train leaves Harrison Station heading towards Journal Square station on the north side of the tracks.

to the OP: i'm sorry for your loss, and hope things start looking up soon.

 

[Jetpilot3]

It is interesting how a funeral or turning 30 years old will change your perceptions of life.

Turned 30 2 years ago and for one the thought of kids came into play. Have always wanted a NSX so bought one from my savings. Next up a home to have as our own...

Just went to my close Grandmothers funeral (Friday) and decided I'll never strive to be rich but strive to be friend and family rich.

I have plenty of friends who are trying to live the life and measure themselves by what they own. I got so mad when a friend mentioned to me that I only bought the car for "showing off" or "being a playa" - I could have punched him in the face. Now I can care less...

Three things irritate me about people:

1. People want to know what you earn or how well off you are
2. People compete for owning the most or owning the best of everything (keeping up with the Joneses)
3. People assume that because you own a NSX you are showing off

I'm simple and only want to love my future wife and my future kids. Owning the NSX is just a bonus of life.

 

[lowellhigh79]

Sheryl Crow:

"It's not having what you want, It's wantng what you got". That applies to everything.

Reminds me of this old carnival game when I was a kid. The object is to completely cover this black circle with 5 (or 6?) smaller white circular discs. Inever could do it even though the attendent showed us how after each request. Now my life is that larger empty circle, gradually covered up by the overlapping of smaller circles that make up my life: spouse, famiy, friends, businesses/finances, hobbies. Depending on who you are, the amount that overlaps you will either suffocate you or bring you comfort like a favorite blanket.

Regards,

Danny

 

[warren1205]

.like not wanting to go through the drive through because the windows might not roll up again

lol that cracked me up!:biggrin::tongue::smile: