for many of us, this is worth reading.
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424127887324677204578185352693016018.html
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424127887324677204578185352693016018.html
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dealing with aging parents (or siblings)
- Thread starter queenlives
- Start date
let me bring this back for reference http://www.nsxprime.com/forum/showt...ing-parents-need-help?highlight=aging+parents
good call, doc - thx! (several long-time primers are discussing this important - and timely, to them - issue via email as we speak.)
Merry Christmas, Happy New Year to you and yours, doc.
hal
we all hope our parents have a soft landing into eternity.....planning for our twilight years and relatives is often put off,but having that conversation early and often is a good start. Hope you and you loved ones have a great Christmas as well.
yep, and, thanks!
Thanks guys, I'm on the journey down this road also. It's difficult. I'm doing my best to help my parents and keep them company.
All the best to all primers and their families in the new year!! 2013!!
=DREW=
All the best to all primers and their families in the new year!! 2013!!
=DREW=
I am going through this as well. My father died two years ago, so now my mother needs the help. Father-in-law is in his final chapter in life, and Mother-in-law has alzheimer's. It has become a full time job for my wife to deal with, her sister quit her job to help out as well. The health care system takes care of them, from a health standpoint, but not to the level of our satisfaction outside of health concerns.
sorry to hear of this, guys ... i know it's dificult. here is an excellent article i read in the times today - i hope it will be of help.
http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/12/24/staying-independent-in-old-age-with-a-little-help/
http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/12/24/staying-independent-in-old-age-with-a-little-help/
Let me offer a few additional advice that the original article did not address. It is not late to also discuss in legal terms power of attorney for all three scenarios: General, Disability and Medical for both parents.
I am fortunate to be able to have done all three with the full consent of my parents (in sound mind) and the concurrence of siblings, and this was of critical importance when we had to use such powers to discuss health related matters which the attending physician/hospital would not have otherwise allowed given HIPAA rules. I must note that to have such power of attorney entails a lot of trust - something that becomes very difficult with parents who start the road down Alzheimer disease.
You don't need a lot of expense to have these done, there are templates and all is needed is a notary with a witness.
I am fortunate to be able to have done all three with the full consent of my parents (in sound mind) and the concurrence of siblings, and this was of critical importance when we had to use such powers to discuss health related matters which the attending physician/hospital would not have otherwise allowed given HIPAA rules. I must note that to have such power of attorney entails a lot of trust - something that becomes very difficult with parents who start the road down Alzheimer disease.
You don't need a lot of expense to have these done, there are templates and all is needed is a notary with a witness.
great advice, hrant!
Happy holidays to all primers and their family's.
It's a year down the road since my last post here. My parents are still here but getting worse (age related).
Today my Dad says to me "the car is stuck in park, I can't shift it into gear and I don't know what's wrong with it".? The car is automatic.
I went and started the car and put it into reverse with no issues. There is nothing wrong with the car. He askes me"what was wrong?. I answered nothing and he looks at me so puzzled...
His brain isn't thinking right and I believe it is dementia. He wont go to any doctors ans insists nothing is wrong...
Mom is the same way. Stubborn and think they can still function the same and they can't. They constantly repeat things they say and forget things that they just did, or did the day before. Dad won't stop smoking and can barely breathe and Mom is in lots of pain from arthritis they are able to do less and less for themselves as the days go by.
I'm helping them the best I can but it's difficult as I said before.
I don't mean to ramble, but thanks for reading (listening in a way).
Thanks,
-DREW-
It's a year down the road since my last post here. My parents are still here but getting worse (age related).
Today my Dad says to me "the car is stuck in park, I can't shift it into gear and I don't know what's wrong with it".? The car is automatic.
I went and started the car and put it into reverse with no issues. There is nothing wrong with the car. He askes me"what was wrong?. I answered nothing and he looks at me so puzzled...
His brain isn't thinking right and I believe it is dementia. He wont go to any doctors ans insists nothing is wrong...
Mom is the same way. Stubborn and think they can still function the same and they can't. They constantly repeat things they say and forget things that they just did, or did the day before. Dad won't stop smoking and can barely breathe and Mom is in lots of pain from arthritis they are able to do less and less for themselves as the days go by.
I'm helping them the best I can but it's difficult as I said before.
I don't mean to ramble, but thanks for reading (listening in a way).
Thanks,
-DREW-
I sympathize with you Drew. It is so hard to deal with seeing your parents degrade physically and mentally. It will be hard but please convince your dad to stop driving before he hurts himself or someone else. My mom wrecked her Accord three times before I convinced her that her driving days were over. She swore that the last accident that she had was due to the gas pedal getting stuck but the body shop and insurance company found no evidence of that. It turned out that she had a very rare neurological disease called Progressive SupraNuclear Palsy (PSP) and part of it is confusing your left with your right. She punched the throttle when she thought she was hitting the brake :-(
After a grueling 10 year fight, she is gone now. Little is known about her disease so I pray that it is not genetic. I know that she couldn't help it but I would never want anyone to have take care of me like my sister and I took care of her. For the last several years, she couldn't walk or talk and was completely helpless. I believe that her mind was still there because I could see it in her eyes but she was trapped inside of her body. That was a very cruel way to go and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
My aunt used to say "It sucks getting old!"
She took care of her mother (who reached 91), and then her husband (he reached 85) and then she lived by herself for 10 years or so before moving to be with my folks; and by that time her Alzheimers had progressed to its final stage. She did live a good 79ish years, but her last year and a half or so was mid to advanced Alzheimers.
My dad (her brother) reached almost 88. His mind (and body) slowed down over the last year or 2 of his life, but he was active and very happy until the day he woke up, got sick and passed in one day. My mom, who is 81 is in the middle stage of Alzheimers, but tells me her parents (upper 80s and 90s when they passed) had razor sharp minds. My sister is caring for my mom and at first my mom thought she could be on her own, but has adjusted to living with family. I believe they have a care giver come to the home daily to help, but it does suck getting old.
But it beats the alternative, in most cases.
A buddy of mine developed cancer in his kidney, spent the last 6 months of his life in incredible pain and passed at 51.
In some cases, it just sucks. We do the best we can to enjoy the blessings of our creator, and understand it isn't always a joy.
Miner
She took care of her mother (who reached 91), and then her husband (he reached 85) and then she lived by herself for 10 years or so before moving to be with my folks; and by that time her Alzheimers had progressed to its final stage. She did live a good 79ish years, but her last year and a half or so was mid to advanced Alzheimers.
My dad (her brother) reached almost 88. His mind (and body) slowed down over the last year or 2 of his life, but he was active and very happy until the day he woke up, got sick and passed in one day. My mom, who is 81 is in the middle stage of Alzheimers, but tells me her parents (upper 80s and 90s when they passed) had razor sharp minds. My sister is caring for my mom and at first my mom thought she could be on her own, but has adjusted to living with family. I believe they have a care giver come to the home daily to help, but it does suck getting old.
But it beats the alternative, in most cases.
A buddy of mine developed cancer in his kidney, spent the last 6 months of his life in incredible pain and passed at 51.
In some cases, it just sucks. We do the best we can to enjoy the blessings of our creator, and understand it isn't always a joy.
Miner
All of us are going to be dealing with these challenges in the future. It is critical important that you and your parents have finances and legal documents in order to address such a delicate situation.
Drew: I would recommend taking your Dad for an appointment with his PCP. He might listen to him/her. The other option is to negotiate with him to have an objective test to see if he is losing his memory. A neuropsychological evaluation will help decipher if he has dementia. He might listen to you then.
Clean Green: PSP doesn't have a classic hereditary patten. Less than 1% have a genetic component. Here is a good link.
http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/psp/detail_psp.htm
Drew: I would recommend taking your Dad for an appointment with his PCP. He might listen to him/her. The other option is to negotiate with him to have an objective test to see if he is losing his memory. A neuropsychological evaluation will help decipher if he has dementia. He might listen to you then.
Clean Green: PSP doesn't have a classic hereditary patten. Less than 1% have a genetic component. Here is a good link.
http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/psp/detail_psp.htm
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