What did Ed Sullivan and Bozo the Clown have in common?
Really big shoooooooooooes ;-P
Really big shoooooooooooes ;-P
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Joke of the Day
- Thread starter tosugrad
- Start date
Why men should't write advise columns
Why men should't write advise columns
Why men should't write advise columns
Hilarious!! [emoji23]
^^^^^^OMG thats awesome.
A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. |
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"Well, I can think of one thing," the cowboy offered.
"On a trip to the Big Horn Mountains out in Wyoming, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, now, back off you son-of-a-bitches or I'll kick the shit out of all of you!"
St. Peter was impressed, "Nice work, when did this happen?"
"Couple of minutes ago."
Men Teaching Classes for Women at
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
By February 28, 2018
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM .
Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs. beginning at 7:00 PM..
Class 2
Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?--Group Debate.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5
Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
At 7:00 PM
Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum ..
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Class 8
Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
Class 10
How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Class 12
How to Shop by Yourself.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
From Guys in the Witness Protection Program
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
By February 28, 2018
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM .
Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs. beginning at 7:00 PM..
Class 2
Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?--Group Debate.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5
Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
At 7:00 PM
Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum ..
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Class 8
Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
Class 10
How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Class 12
How to Shop by Yourself.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
From Guys in the Witness Protection Program
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."
The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure ?"
"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..
"How can you be so sure ?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything.
He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150.00 !!!" she cried, "$150.00 just to tell me my duck is dead !"
The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20.00, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150.00."
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."
The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure ?"
"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..
"How can you be so sure ?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything.
He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150.00 !!!" she cried, "$150.00 just to tell me my duck is dead !"
The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20.00, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150.00."
^^^^^^^
ROFLMAO
Thank you, needed this.
ROFLMAO
Thank you, needed this.
A picture is worth 2 jokes of the day.
View attachment 151344
View attachment 151344
Me & my 4 Hebrew School buddies went to our first C & C Sunday but we were terribly disappointed..We thought the C & C stood for Cars & Cake..
The devil walks into a Catholic Church. Everyone runs out screaming except for one very weathered man. The devil confronts him and asks, “Why are you not afraid of me?” The weathered man replies, “I married your fucking sister”....
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A young blonde girl in her late teens, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the porch" he said. "How much will you charge me?"
Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint, brushes and everything she would need were in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband,
"Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"
"That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" he responded.
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blond jokes.
A few hours later the blonde came to the door to collect her money..
"You're finished already??" the startled husband asked.
"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I even had paint left over so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her along with a $10 tip.
"Thank you," the blonde said, "And, by the way,…… it's not a Porch,…… it's an NSX."
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the porch" he said. "How much will you charge me?"
Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint, brushes and everything she would need were in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband,
"Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"
"That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" he responded.
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blond jokes.
A few hours later the blonde came to the door to collect her money..
"You're finished already??" the startled husband asked.
"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I even had paint left over so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her along with a $10 tip.
"Thank you," the blonde said, "And, by the way,…… it's not a Porch,…… it's an NSX."
A lawyer, who had a wife and 12 children, needed to move because his rental agreement was terminated by the owner who wanted to reoccupy the home.<!-- o ignored -->
But he was having a lot of difficulty finding a new house.<!-- o ignored -->
When he said he had 12 children, no one would rent a home to him because they felt that the children would destroy the place.<!-- o ignored -->
He couldn't say he had no children, because he couldn't lie -- we all know lawyers cannot and do not lie.<!-- o ignored -->
So he sent his wife for a walk to the cemetery with 11 of their kids.<!-- o ignored -->
He took the remaining one with him to see rental homes with the real estate agent.<!-- o ignored -->
He loved one of the homes and the price was right -- the agent asked:<!-- o ignored -->
"How many children do you have?<!-- o ignored -->
He answered: "Twelve."<!-- o ignored -->
The agent asked "Where are the others?"<!-- o ignored -->
The lawyer, with his best courtroom sad look answered "They're in the cemetery with their mother."
But he was having a lot of difficulty finding a new house.<!-- o ignored -->
When he said he had 12 children, no one would rent a home to him because they felt that the children would destroy the place.<!-- o ignored -->
He couldn't say he had no children, because he couldn't lie -- we all know lawyers cannot and do not lie.<!-- o ignored -->
So he sent his wife for a walk to the cemetery with 11 of their kids.<!-- o ignored -->
He took the remaining one with him to see rental homes with the real estate agent.<!-- o ignored -->
He loved one of the homes and the price was right -- the agent asked:<!-- o ignored -->
"How many children do you have?<!-- o ignored -->
He answered: "Twelve."<!-- o ignored -->
The agent asked "Where are the others?"<!-- o ignored -->
The lawyer, with his best courtroom sad look answered "They're in the cemetery with their mother."
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]At Friday night services, Morris went to his friend Irving and said, "Irving, I need a favor - [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]I'm sleeping with the rabbi's wife. [/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="]Can you hold him in temple for an hour after services for me?"
Irving[/FONT][FONT="],[/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="]not very fond of the idea, but being Morris' lifelong friend, he reluctantly agreed.
After services, he struck up a conversation with the rabbi asking him all sorts of [/FONT][FONT="]
[/FONT][FONT="]stupid questions in an effort to keep him occupied.
After some time, the wise rabbi became suspicious and asked, "Irving what are you really up to with all this?"
Irving, filled with feelings of guilt and remorse, confessed to the rabbi "I'm sorry Rabbi, [/FONT][FONT="]
[/FONT][FONT="]my friend Morris is sleeping with your wife right now and asked me to keep you occupied."
The wise rabbi smiled and, putting a brotherly hand on Irving's shoulder, said [/FONT][FONT="]
[/FONT][FONT="]"Irving I think you'd better hurry home, my wife died two years ago!"[/FONT]
[FONT="]At Friday night services, Morris went to his friend Irving and said, "Irving, I need a favor - [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]I'm sleeping with the rabbi's wife. [/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="]Can you hold him in temple for an hour after services for me?"
Irving[/FONT][FONT="],[/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="]not very fond of the idea, but being Morris' lifelong friend, he reluctantly agreed.
After services, he struck up a conversation with the rabbi asking him all sorts of [/FONT][FONT="]
[/FONT][FONT="]stupid questions in an effort to keep him occupied.
After some time, the wise rabbi became suspicious and asked, "Irving what are you really up to with all this?"
Irving, filled with feelings of guilt and remorse, confessed to the rabbi "I'm sorry Rabbi, [/FONT][FONT="]
[/FONT][FONT="]my friend Morris is sleeping with your wife right now and asked me to keep you occupied."
The wise rabbi smiled and, putting a brotherly hand on Irving's shoulder, said [/FONT][FONT="]
[/FONT][FONT="]"Irving I think you'd better hurry home, my wife died two years ago!"[/FONT]
Thread revival
Sarah was in the fertilized egg business. She had several hundred young pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs. She kept records and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.
This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny bells and attached them to her roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so she could tell from a distance which rooster was performing. Now, she could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report just by listening to the bells.
Sarah's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a fine specimen but, this morning, she noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! When she went to investigate, she saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
To Sarah's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job, and walk on to the next one.
Sarah was so proud of old Butch, she entered him in a show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize", they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.
Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making.. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on the planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention?
Vote carefully in the next election: You can't always hear the bells.
Sarah was in the fertilized egg business. She had several hundred young pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs. She kept records and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.
This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny bells and attached them to her roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so she could tell from a distance which rooster was performing. Now, she could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report just by listening to the bells.
Sarah's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a fine specimen but, this morning, she noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! When she went to investigate, she saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
To Sarah's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job, and walk on to the next one.
Sarah was so proud of old Butch, she entered him in a show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize", they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.
Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making.. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on the planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention?
Vote carefully in the next election: You can't always hear the bells.
On his 70th birthday a man was given a gift from his wife. The certificate was for consultation with an Indian medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction.
The husband went to the reservation and consulted the medicine man. The old Indian gave him a potion and, with a strong grip on his shoulder, warned ‘ This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say: ‘1-2-3.' When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform for as long as you want.’. The man thanked the old Indian, and as he walked away, he turned and asked: “ How do I stop the medicine from working?".
"Your partner must say " 1-2-3-4," he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon. "
He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said: "1-2-3 ’. Immediately, he was the manliest of men. His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and asked: "What was the 1-2-3 for?"
And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.
The husband went to the reservation and consulted the medicine man. The old Indian gave him a potion and, with a strong grip on his shoulder, warned ‘ This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say: ‘1-2-3.' When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform for as long as you want.’. The man thanked the old Indian, and as he walked away, he turned and asked: “ How do I stop the medicine from working?".
"Your partner must say " 1-2-3-4," he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon. "
He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said: "1-2-3 ’. Immediately, he was the manliest of men. His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and asked: "What was the 1-2-3 for?"
And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.
No Sex Since 1955
A crusty old Army Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by
A local liberal arts college.
There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance,
one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.
"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is
something bothering you?"
"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks
like you have seen a lot of action."
"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation said, "You
know, you should lighten up. Relax and enjoy yourself."
The sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally, the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the
wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"
"1955, ma'am."
"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to
Chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took him by the hand and led him to
A private room where she proceeded to "relax" him.
Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said,
"Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955."
The Sergeant Major said, after glancing at his watch, "I hope not; it's
only 2130 now."
(Gotta love military time!)
A crusty old Army Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by
A local liberal arts college.
There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance,
one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.
"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is
something bothering you?"
"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks
like you have seen a lot of action."
"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation said, "You
know, you should lighten up. Relax and enjoy yourself."
The sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally, the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the
wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"
"1955, ma'am."
"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to
Chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took him by the hand and led him to
A private room where she proceeded to "relax" him.
Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said,
"Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955."
The Sergeant Major said, after glancing at his watch, "I hope not; it's
only 2130 now."
(Gotta love military time!)
Wisconsin Humor-
Ole and Lars were working for the city public works department in Wisconsin. Ole would dig a hole and Lars would follow behind and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one digging a hole, the other filling it in again.
An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked Ole, 'I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?'
Ole, the hole digger, wiped his brow and sighed, "Vell, I suppose it probably looks odd because ve're normally a three-person team. But today Sven, who plants da trees, called in sick."
Ole and Lars were working for the city public works department in Wisconsin. Ole would dig a hole and Lars would follow behind and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one digging a hole, the other filling it in again.
An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked Ole, 'I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?'
Ole, the hole digger, wiped his brow and sighed, "Vell, I suppose it probably looks odd because ve're normally a three-person team. But today Sven, who plants da trees, called in sick."
MARRIAGE IN HEAVEN
On their way to the church to get married, a young Catholic couple were involved in a fatal car accident.
Being good Catholics the young couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.
While waiting, they begin to wonder: could they possibly get married in Heaven?
When St. Peter finally showed up, they asked him.
St Peter said "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out" and he leaves them sitting at the Gate.
After three months, St Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes" he informs the couple " I can get you married in Heaven".
"Great!" said the couple "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"
"You must be bloody joking" says St. Peter, red-faced with frustration, slamming his clipboard on the ground.
"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple".
"OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouted "It took me three months to find a priest up here. Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?"
On their way to the church to get married, a young Catholic couple were involved in a fatal car accident.
Being good Catholics the young couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.
While waiting, they begin to wonder: could they possibly get married in Heaven?
When St. Peter finally showed up, they asked him.
St Peter said "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out" and he leaves them sitting at the Gate.
After three months, St Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes" he informs the couple " I can get you married in Heaven".
"Great!" said the couple "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"
"You must be bloody joking" says St. Peter, red-faced with frustration, slamming his clipboard on the ground.
"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple".
"OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouted "It took me three months to find a priest up here. Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?"
:biggrin:
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A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.
The man got up and went to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, was asking for a push.
"Not a chance," said the husband, "it's 3:00 in the morning!" He slammed the door and returned to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push" he answered.
"Did you help him?" she asked.
"No, I did not. It's 3:00 in the morning and its bloody pouring rain out there."
"Well, you have a short memory," said his wife. "Remember about three months ago when our car broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too you know."
The husband did as he was told, got dressed, and went out into the pouring rain. He called out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," came back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" asked the husband.
"Yes, please!" came the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asked the husband.
"Over here on the swing" replied the drunk.
The man got up and went to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, was asking for a push.
"Not a chance," said the husband, "it's 3:00 in the morning!" He slammed the door and returned to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push" he answered.
"Did you help him?" she asked.
"No, I did not. It's 3:00 in the morning and its bloody pouring rain out there."
"Well, you have a short memory," said his wife. "Remember about three months ago when our car broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too you know."
The husband did as he was told, got dressed, and went out into the pouring rain. He called out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," came back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" asked the husband.
"Yes, please!" came the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asked the husband.
"Over here on the swing" replied the drunk.
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