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"Not interested in having kids - who else feels this way?"
"Not interested in having kids - who else feels this way?"
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"Not interested in having kids - who else feels this way?"
- Thread starter Steven Allen
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It was the last thing on my mind when I was 16 , but it happened , now I see the success and joy my 19 year old son has , It was the best thing to ever happen to me. Not to mention a single parent at age 17 really makes you get your shit together.
Raising kids is the hardest thing you will ever do, but in the long term the most rewarding , especially when you are older. I've got 4 now , Hoping one will make it rich and look after me in old age :biggrin: As I'm writing this my 3 year old girl is driving me insane, they need an on/off switch
Thanks Steve! :smile:
I've got a few male and female friends who also don't feel inclined to have children. Its totally fine as well. My wife and I have our little girl and we try to hang with our "DINKS" (double income no kids) friends and its all a good time. We don't gush to them about our little one unless prompted and we actually enjoy hearing about their good times.
Its all about what matters to you and only you. No one can nor should foist their reasoning on anyone else because its not fair.
If we want to get into the nitty gritty of this reasoning I wonder if our socio-economic world is why? Things are more expensive now, people have way more freedom to travel, engage in thrilling sports, etc. etc....
Discuss!
I've got a few male and female friends who also don't feel inclined to have children. Its totally fine as well. My wife and I have our little girl and we try to hang with our "DINKS" (double income no kids) friends and its all a good time. We don't gush to them about our little one unless prompted and we actually enjoy hearing about their good times.
Its all about what matters to you and only you. No one can nor should foist their reasoning on anyone else because its not fair.
If we want to get into the nitty gritty of this reasoning I wonder if our socio-economic world is why? Things are more expensive now, people have way more freedom to travel, engage in thrilling sports, etc. etc....
Discuss!
Don't let someone pressure you into having kids if you know you don't want them.
With that said, I never thought I would have kids but I ended up with four, 2 boys and 2 girls. It's tough but rewarding. All things considered I would do it again.
Cheers,
Ian
With that said, I never thought I would have kids but I ended up with four, 2 boys and 2 girls. It's tough but rewarding. All things considered I would do it again.
Cheers,
Ian
Great topic.
I recently got divorced. We had been together for just under 20 years and we never had children. It was something we talked about before we got married and we decided we didn't want children. We didn't get any grief from my parents but she was an only daughter so her parents would ask from time to time when they were getting grandchildren.
The only thing that irked me about the no children thing was the questions we would get from people asking us "why are you not having children?" Like we had to justify our decision. No one ever asks "why are you having children?", but they sure ask why you are not having kids. It is like there is something wrong with you if you don't want them. I love kids, I spoil my niece and nephew. But I love other people's kids. I have never wanted my own. I have been called selfish, self-centered, and worse.
I have many reasons for not having children. Mostly they are just personal. I have never really felt the desire or had the need for someone to be that dependent upon you. I also think that the world is a very bad place and it is only going to get worse. I would not want bring a child into this world. I have no hope that this planet will be able to support the untold billions of people. When oil runs out, and water becomes scarce and the icecaps melt, and governments fall due to debt, there is going to be all out civil wars, famine, disease, floods, and extreme weather. I just have no faith in humanity.
I am going to travel, spend time with family and friends and just have some fun in my life. I am happy having no one else to worry about and just live my life the way I want to. Come and go as I please, travel at a drop of a hat, stay up late, or go to bed early, or sleep in. People say I am missing the best experience you will ever have by raising a kid. I will take their word for it. I have the best of both worlds. I don't have kids but I can spoil and have fun with my niece and nephew. I am uncle Doo with the zoom zoom car.
I recently got divorced. We had been together for just under 20 years and we never had children. It was something we talked about before we got married and we decided we didn't want children. We didn't get any grief from my parents but she was an only daughter so her parents would ask from time to time when they were getting grandchildren.
The only thing that irked me about the no children thing was the questions we would get from people asking us "why are you not having children?" Like we had to justify our decision. No one ever asks "why are you having children?", but they sure ask why you are not having kids. It is like there is something wrong with you if you don't want them. I love kids, I spoil my niece and nephew. But I love other people's kids. I have never wanted my own. I have been called selfish, self-centered, and worse.
I have many reasons for not having children. Mostly they are just personal. I have never really felt the desire or had the need for someone to be that dependent upon you. I also think that the world is a very bad place and it is only going to get worse. I would not want bring a child into this world. I have no hope that this planet will be able to support the untold billions of people. When oil runs out, and water becomes scarce and the icecaps melt, and governments fall due to debt, there is going to be all out civil wars, famine, disease, floods, and extreme weather. I just have no faith in humanity.
I am going to travel, spend time with family and friends and just have some fun in my life. I am happy having no one else to worry about and just live my life the way I want to. Come and go as I please, travel at a drop of a hat, stay up late, or go to bed early, or sleep in. People say I am missing the best experience you will ever have by raising a kid. I will take their word for it. I have the best of both worlds. I don't have kids but I can spoil and have fun with my niece and nephew. I am uncle Doo with the zoom zoom car.
I don't want kids and not sold on the idea of marriage either.
I'm sure I would be an awesome Dad, but I have zero desire.
MAYBE if I could be guaranteed there wouldn't be a divorce and if I have a job that didn't require me working 10000 hours a week. The idea of getting home from a tiring day to some kids crying and whatnot is not my idea of fun. Neither is fighting with an exwife to see my kid. No thanks. The prototype of jond stops here.
I'm sure I would be an awesome Dad, but I have zero desire.
MAYBE if I could be guaranteed there wouldn't be a divorce and if I have a job that didn't require me working 10000 hours a week. The idea of getting home from a tiring day to some kids crying and whatnot is not my idea of fun. Neither is fighting with an exwife to see my kid. No thanks. The prototype of jond stops here.
If you have kids with the wrong person you're screwed. The best decision I ever made was getting married to the right person, with a mother-in-law who is at our house EVERY day helping with our children. A mother-in-law who will take the kids at a moments notice. Like someone above said with the on and off switch thing. It's impossible to shut off a 3 year old or a 6 month old, they just keep coming at you a million miles an hour. Without my wife and mother-in-law I would be screwed.
However, the other day my 3 year old sees that I am unhappy about something, says to me make a sad face daddy, I frown, make a happy face, I smile, then she holds her hand up palm forward and says...stay right there..
When I was young and single or even in a relationship I never wanted kids. I was the one up on a soap box screaming that I would never have kids. Most of that was observations I made of friends I witnessed have their lives ruined by vindictive women who used the kids as pawns to get back at deadbeat guys who didn't step up when they needed to. This was true of couples who were staying together or separating.
The love between two people can be unbelievable. The love between a parent and child is unexplainable.
However, the other day my 3 year old sees that I am unhappy about something, says to me make a sad face daddy, I frown, make a happy face, I smile, then she holds her hand up palm forward and says...stay right there.
. When I was young and single or even in a relationship I never wanted kids. I was the one up on a soap box screaming that I would never have kids. Most of that was observations I made of friends I witnessed have their lives ruined by vindictive women who used the kids as pawns to get back at deadbeat guys who didn't step up when they needed to. This was true of couples who were staying together or separating.
The love between two people can be unbelievable. The love between a parent and child is unexplainable.
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My post was NOT intended to garner responses from those who
inform us about how great parenting is or other reasons why parenting
brings them joy. My post was to inquire how many prime member feel the way I do - PERIOD!!!
inform us about how great parenting is or other reasons why parenting
brings them joy. My post was to inquire how many prime member feel the way I do - PERIOD!!!
I can't express how much I love my son. He's now 21 months old and growing so fast. My stress melts away when I'm with him. Even if the sky falls, I'd be happy sitting next to him.
Until you're a parent, this feeling cannot be explained.
Our 2nd baby is coming out next month. Yes, more hard work ahead. Yes, social life is pretty much over. No super car in the near future, but I would'nt trade it for anyting.
LIFE IS GOOD!:biggrin:
Until you're a parent, this feeling cannot be explained.
Our 2nd baby is coming out next month. Yes, more hard work ahead. Yes, social life is pretty much over. No super car in the near future, but I would'nt trade it for anyting.
LIFE IS GOOD!:biggrin:
I was trying to explain that I use to feel the way you do currently. I would be interested in knowing why you feel the way you feel. I am not trying to convert you
just would like to know why you feel the way you do? What is your age? have you always felt this way? Do you feel you might have to give something up if you had children? I was just hoping to give you some perspective from someone who was HARDCORE on the no kid train for a long time, in fact I didn't have my first until I was 42. But again i met mostly self centered women who made life miserable and knew nothing about team work. Knowing what I know now I waited too long and wish I had done it sooner, even at the expense of whatever I may have had to give up. I did think I would have to give up a lot more than I actually did have to give up.
The wife and I were just discussing this last night over dinner at a pizza place surrounded by families, screaming kids, etc. (wasn't chucky cheese either)
We prefer to be DINKs and certainly enjoy celebrating the children of our friends, attending birthdays, events, etc. She is a 5th grade teacher, so she definitely likes kids, well.. most of the time. She mentioned that she has to address the "why no kids" question on a weekly basis from other women.
Me, it simply has been a choice to enjoy my personal freedom and travel the planet. Also keeps funds free to support ownership of a nice car.
I'm with SteveNY on this. I TOO felt the way you do now Steve. I was even involved with someone who couldn't have kids and didn't have a problem with that. My only sibling (married) doesn't want kids and will likely never have them. I never wanted them and would tell my friends I would never have them, and would abuse those of my friends that did. Now I couldn't imagine life without them and am so glad I have them.
Bottom line is that most people have it in them to change their mind, no matter how adamant about no kids they might feel now. I was with you. Now I'm not.
Bottom line is that most people have it in them to change their mind, no matter how adamant about no kids they might feel now. I was with you. Now I'm not.
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I was trying to explain that I use to feel the way you do currently. I would be interested in knowing why you feel the way you feel. I am not trying to convert you
Steveny said it exactly to the tee as I would have scripted it (well except for all the women part)
I felt this way and cannot imagine how empty our lives were pre Shelby. I wanted and got it all...........and would give it all up, including my life without even blinking - for her. Never, ever, would I think that I would feel that way in a million years.
Steve a few things I've thought of...
1. Being a sucessful female - take my ex-wife for example, doesn't want kids and I can only assume she feels that way because she'd have to put her career on hold as she's a corporate lawyer trying for partnership (she's often told me that). Men are often more than willing to be the same in that if the wife or girlfriend doesn't want one then OK.
2. Economics - people have to work longer and harder for a buck these days. No longer can you have a single earner in the family unless you are willing to sacrifice alot or make large coin. The latter the harder option. Daycare adds up, the time and stress on two earners adds up, finances then become an issue...etc. etc.
3. Freedom to Travel - most of my single friends love the travelling and partying lifestyle so there in a nutshell is one large reason not to have kids
4. Personality - some people just don't want to have kids and I congratulate everyone on that trait. If its not in you its not in you.
:biggrin:
1. Being a sucessful female - take my ex-wife for example, doesn't want kids and I can only assume she feels that way because she'd have to put her career on hold as she's a corporate lawyer trying for partnership (she's often told me that). Men are often more than willing to be the same in that if the wife or girlfriend doesn't want one then OK.
2. Economics - people have to work longer and harder for a buck these days. No longer can you have a single earner in the family unless you are willing to sacrifice alot or make large coin. The latter the harder option. Daycare adds up, the time and stress on two earners adds up, finances then become an issue...etc. etc.
3. Freedom to Travel - most of my single friends love the travelling and partying lifestyle so there in a nutshell is one large reason not to have kids
4. Personality - some people just don't want to have kids and I congratulate everyone on that trait. If its not in you its not in you.
:biggrin:
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My fiance and I were recently informed, her body is no longer making eggs. So for us to have kids we would have to adopt or get an egg from a donor. We are getting married in nov. Both options for me are expensive. We are both 38, this is both of our first marriage. I still dont know what to do. Most people seem to force the issue of us having kids, by any means. I dont want her to be a science experiment,"trying" to have kids. She has PLENTY of nieces and nephews we could,"rent" in the summer months. Im an only child so I get the pressure the hardest. I would like one the normal way but im not sure about, adoption or getting another egg and doing expensive invitro. This has been my hardest decision to deal with so far in life and I dont want to make the wrong one. We are both unsure what to do.
HTC EVO
HTC EVO
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my wife and I never wanted children. I have plenty of nieces and nephews, and most our friend have kids, so no shortage of kids in our life, but now that we are both taking care of elderly parents, we realize that care for us later in life will have a void. We have planned for an assigned health care advocate. This process should be part of your living will. It is complex and can be very expensive.
I think if we were to live life again, well, I am not sure if it would be the same.
I think if we were to live life again, well, I am not sure if it would be the same.
If you have kids with the wrong person you're screwed. The best decision I ever made was getting married to the right person, with a mother-in-law who is at our house EVERY day helping with our children. A mother-in-law who will take the kids at a moments notice. Like someone above said with the on and off switch thing. It's impossible to shut off a 3 year old or a 6 month old, they just keep coming at you a million miles an hour. Without my wife and mother-in-law I would be screwed.
However, the other day my 3 year old sees that I am unhappy about something, says to me make a sad face daddy, I frown, make a happy face, I smile, then she holds her hand up palm forward and says...stay right there.
When I was young and single or even in a relationship I never wanted kids. I was the one up on a soap box screaming that I would never have kids. Most of that was observations I made of friends I witnessed have their lives ruined by vindictive women who used the kids as pawns to get back at deadbeat guys who didn't step up when they needed to. This was true of couples who were staying together or separating.
The love between two people can be unbelievable. The love between a parent and child is unexplainable.
Great post. One thing I've learned in life is to always take smart peoples advise and at least consider it. The fact that a few guys here have said they used to be against having kids and were wrong tells me, logically, maybe I'm wrong. My mind is 1 degree more open to the idea
Great post. One thing I've learned in life is to always take smart peoples advise and at least consider it. The fact that a few guys here have said they used to be against having kids and were wrong tells me, logically, maybe I'm wrong. My mind is 1 degree more open to the idea
I think 'wrong' would be the wrong word. It's not wrong to not want kids, it's just that it's impossible to know what you're missing until you have them, and once you do, you can't go back if you don't like them. However I suspect there are very few people who would ever want to go back.
It will change your lifestyle, there is no doubt. And maybe people feel the price won't be worth that change and everything they have to give up. No more being selfish or thinking only of yourself. No more partying or just picking up and traveling. Having kids is the direct reason why I no longer have an NSX. I'm fine with that, it's a no brainer. 7 years ago, I never could imagine saying that.
I had a conversation with my wife's friend recently who is on the fence. Her doctor told her if you want kids, it's now or never. She's the sort to procrastinate until something forces her into a decision. I pointed out by procrastinating, she is making a decision and should come to terms with that. There will be no children by her side when she's old, when she dies she leaves none of her genetic material behind, and while it's tough, part of what she needs to consider RIGHT NOW is how she will feel 40 years from now because you can't go back if you think you might have regrets. Nobody can predict the future, but when it comes to a decision of whether or not to have kids, you have to do your best at it.
I've got a couple kids. It's a lot of fun, usually. But my life before kids seemed fun too. I think i had just as much fun pre kid as post kid. It was just a different kind of fun. And of course, I wouldn't be all that concerned if my house/car/dog (to a degree..i really like my dog) got destroyed. My kids are a different story.. you don't hear about people commiting suicide because their car or dog got stolen..... whereas it's not unheard of for people to kill themselves after their children die.. it's a pretty big difference... indescribeable, really.
But for the life of me, i don't understand why people "have to" have kids. I think the people out there who ask someone what's wrong with them that they don't want kids have their head up their ass. Not everyone wants what you do. Is that so hard to figure out?
But for the life of me, i don't understand why people "have to" have kids. I think the people out there who ask someone what's wrong with them that they don't want kids have their head up their ass. Not everyone wants what you do. Is that so hard to figure out?
I dont "want" kids
my fiancee does....I lose :redface:
my fiancee does....I lose :redface:
Its not a game...no offense. Unless you really want kids then don't. Don't let someone foist you into having them as maybe your not with the right person?
Just playing devils advocate...
I know a chick (somewhat in the family) who was so desperate to get married that she basically forced her now fiancee into a corner and so then he proposed...is that really healthy? Not in my mind...
Let me say this yet again:
My post was NOT intended to garner responses from those who
inform us about how great parenting is or other reasons why parenting
brings them joy. My post was to inquire how many prime member feel the way I do - PERIOD!!!
As to how I came to this decision or how old I am or other inquiries.
See PARAGRAPH ABOVE. If you do not feel the way I do start a different thread discussing why you enjoy being a parent and ......
My post was NOT intended to garner responses from those who
inform us about how great parenting is or other reasons why parenting
brings them joy. My post was to inquire how many prime member feel the way I do - PERIOD!!!
As to how I came to this decision or how old I am or other inquiries.
See PARAGRAPH ABOVE. If you do not feel the way I do start a different thread discussing why you enjoy being a parent and ......
Don't really care what your intent was Steve, you post on an open forum, anyone that is a member is welcome to contribute regardless whether or not they share your opinion. Go start your own forum if you want to sensor who can and cannot respond to your posts.
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