Aging - some personal thoughts

[Da Hapa]

You know, I've really been feeling old lately. Part of it is hitting 40, part of it is seeing my parents over Thanksgiving and seeing just how old they look and act and how many health problems they have. Part of it is having extremely young kids for my age and sometimes finding it difficult to keep up with them because my back hurts most of the time these days. When my parents were the age I am today, I was already 20 and here I am with an 18 month old and an almost 3 year old and I feel it's not fair to them that I waited this long to have kids. I feel like I was selfish for taking more time for myself to have fun. It never even occurred to me that I'd feel this way, but kids change everything.

Today something really hit me sort of hard. I was at a restaurant having dinner with my family. An old couple (80s maybe?) were in the booth next to us and playing little waving games with my 18 month old daughter. When they were leaving, they came up to her and the old woman, with tears in her eyes told my daughter to have a really nice life and that she meant it.

It must be so hard for someone that old who is growing close to the end of their life to see someone just beginning theirs. Given how I feel at 40, I can't imagine how I'd feel at 80, if I even live that long.

Beautiful post Robr and frankly, this kind of mature, thought provoking thread is the reason that I keep coming back to Prime.

While I'm a bit younger than you (35) my wife (32) and I are thinking about starting a family. We're literally the last of our circle of good friends not to have children (many of our friends our on their 2nd child). Both of our parents were married very young and the knowledge that when my mom was my age, I was in high school is startling.

On one hand, I was lucky enough to be born to young parents and enjoy many years with grandparents and great grandparents. On the other, because I was born so young I've been old enough to truly understand what it means when each of them passes from this earth.

I try and plan for tomorrow but live for today. While I'm freaking out about the economic ramifications of getting older and having kids (long term health care and college education at the same time literally scares the shit out of me), I hope I can carry this philosophy into the next stage of my life.

Enjoy your kids... enjoy what you've got and live for today while you plan for tomorrow.

 

[brahtw8]

Do you think your current feelings have anything to do with selling your NSX?

(Or vice versa?)

Serious question.

 

[robr]

Do you think your current feelings have anything to do with selling your NSX?

(Or vice versa?)

Serious question.

No, I really don't. On one hand obviously I miss it greatly, and climbing into a 4 door sedan with 2 child seats in the back sort of sucks, but I don't think it plays into how I'm feeling about age. If I were to think, "well, I'll never own an NSX again", that might be a reason for a different sort of depression, but I don't think that way. I know I will have one again when I can turn things around financially. But you know, even if that never happens, I still have my memories and this community which I value even more and I haven't lost.

 

[RPM217]

One of my mother's favorite quotes is "Youth is wasted on the young"
Only with experience and maturity comes wisdom. I'm now 54 years young, had a heart attack when I was 37 (made me feel scared, not old), quadruple bypass surgery and a defibrillator when I was 40, I've had a total of 6 stents put in over the past 8 years and I still don't "feel old". I'm in the gym 5 mornings a week, have been on a strict "diet" for 17 years, play tennis weekly (sometimes weakly), take spinning classes, in other words, take the best care of myself that I possibly can. I try to balance work with play (driving the NSX is play), most people say I work too much, but I enjoy what I do. My daughter is currently in law school, I don't get to see enough of her, but I have always been able to do the necessary parental things (run after her while teaching her how to ride a bike type stuff), even though I had been sick. It was difficult for her and my wife during my "episodes", but they helped me through the tough times. Age is relative, wish I could say that it was strictly a frame of mind, but it's much more. I guess what I'm trying to say is, live life to the fullest, you don't know when your time is up, the things that are within your control (smoking, drinking, drugs, street racing, etc) you must control, the things that aren't, well it's how you deal with them that will effect the way you "age" and the quality of your life. Yes, I need reading glasses, my bones make "noises", my waistline is a little "larger", my daughter calls me "an old man", but I don't feel old, and don't think that I'd want to give up any of the "gifts" that life has allowed me. I wish everyone health, that is your most important possession, not tangible things, for without health all the money in the world is useless. Every day is a gift, don't take life for granted. If you can find someone to share your life with, that only adds to the quality. I tell everyone, "I'm one of the luckiest people I know" and I am!

 

[White98LS]

I'm only 23, but I'm always thinking about the future and thought I'd throw my perspective into this thread. My parents had me very late - my mom is about to turn 60 and my dad is 62. They are generally pretty healthy and high-energy, although my mom developed rheumatoid arthritis 2 years ago, but the thing that bothers me about them is they don't do much of anything anymore. They used to drive the half-hour to Seattle for a nice dinner or shopping or some other activity on weekends, but now they only venture out of the house for something fun (other than golf for my dad) *maybe* once a month. I don't know if they are really that tired and don't show it, or if they just don't have the drive to get out there... but it seems to me like they are wasting the time they have left, and that's sad. I try to come home every weekend to visit, but it seems like that's one of the few things they could possibly enjoy on a regular basis. Other than that it's just work and sit around or do housework.

Maybe it will be different when they retire, but I'm not so sure. My sister and I have been to Europe, Thailand, and Costa Rica, and keep raving about those places telling them they need to go. I don't think they've ever been off the continent, except my mom was born in Taiwan and my dad visited China once. But my mom hates flying, and is worried that her weakened immune system from RA prevents her from going to foreign countries because she might get sick. To see them miss out on some of the greatest pleasures I've already experienced in my young life is sad... either there's no sense of urgency to get out there and experience new things, or they aren't as youthful and energetic as they seem. But it kills me to know that, for whatever reason, they're missing out on all that and may not even know it before it's too late. Recently they've fallen in love with going to secluded cabins and just flyfishing for a couple weeks. Maybe that's all you want when you're older? But it's not like my parents are decrepit dullards - they're fun people and my mom is looking to replace her Audi TT with a Boxster or Z4 M.

My 24-yo girlfriend's parents are about as old but in worse health, and I wish they had decided to have kids a little earlier sometimes. I want my kids to have grandparents for a good long time, and to share activities and experiences with my parents as much as possible. A lot of things are already ruled out. If anything, it's motivation for us to get out and live life to the fullest, even if that means leaving our comfort level. I'm struggling with that right now, but I've realized I won't have forever to keep struggling with it.

 

[92 white 0650]

Re: It ain't that bad......most days

Damn, you guys are deep. Guess that’s ‘cause you’re old? JK. :biggrin:

I got a few years on most if not all of you here and it really is true that 60 is the new 40, and 40 is the new 30 or whatever your equation is. If that’s a good thing in your view, then one of the things I think is important to achieve is mental balance. Years ago when going thru a divorce and big job/economy downturn, I had a rough time. I found that books like Passages and Pathfinders gave me an understanding of what was naturally going on. That gave me “mental balance”, in that by de-mystifying some feelings, it freed me to explore other things and stay curious and interested. That’s still a valuable tool for me.

One welcome change that aging has brought me is viewing and recalling experiences, both good and bad as life lessons not stories to tell or pictures in a scrapbook. You’ve all heard it and it sounds trite but maturity transfers that knowledge into your gut for you. Your self esteem is easier to maintain and you're more comfortable in your own skin, as they say. You won't want to shout "Been there, done that, got the T-shirt," nearly as much, you'll just smile to yourself and relax. I’ve enjoyed that aspect of getting old.

Now being overwhelmed with the power and complexity of electronic gadgets …….. :redface: well that’s a part of aging that will always suck in my book.

 

[steveny]

One of my mother's favorite quotes is "Youth is wasted on the young"
Only with experience and maturity comes wisdom. I'm now 54 years young, had a heart attack when I was 37 (made me feel scared, not old), quadruple bypass surgery and a defibrillator when I was 40, I've had a total of 6 stents put in over the past 8 years and I still don't "feel old". I'm in the gym 5 mornings a week, have been on a strict "diet" for 17 years, play tennis weekly (sometimes weakly), take spinning classes, in other words, take the best care of myself that I possibly can. I try to balance work with play (driving the NSX is play), most people say I work too much, but I enjoy what I do. My daughter is currently in law school, I don't get to see enough of her, but I have always been able to do the necessary parental things (run after her while teaching her how to ride a bike type stuff), even though I had been sick. It was difficult for her and my wife during my "episodes", but they helped me through the tough times. Age is relative, wish I could say that it was strictly a frame of mind, but it's much more. I guess what I'm trying to say is, live life to the fullest, you don't know when your time is up, the things that are within your control (smoking, drinking, drugs, street racing, etc) you must control, the things that aren't, well it's how you deal with them that will effect the way you "age" and the quality of your life. Yes, I need reading glasses, my bones make "noises", my waistline is a little "larger", my daughter calls me "an old man", but I don't feel old, and don't think that I'd want to give up any of the "gifts" that life has allowed me. I wish everyone health, that is your most important possession, not tangible things, for without health all the money in the world is useless. Every day is a gift, don't take life for granted. If you can find someone to share your life with, that only adds to the quality. I tell everyone, "I'm one of the luckiest people I know" and I am!

Reminds me of a quote, something like, A wealthy man wants many things, a sick man only wants one thing.

 

[steveny]

Re: It ain't that bad......most days

Damn, you guys are deep. Guess that’s ‘cause you’re old? JK. :biggrin:

I got a few years on most if not all of you here and it really is true that 60 is the new 40, and 40 is the new 30 or whatever your equation is. If that’s a good thing in your view, then one of the things I think is important to achieve is mental balance. Years ago when going thru a divorce and big job/economy downturn, I had a rough time. I found that books like Passages and Pathfinders gave me an understanding of what was naturally going on. That gave me “mental balance”, in that by de-mystifying some feelings, it freed me to explore other things and stay curious and interested. That’s still a valuable tool for me.

One welcome change that aging has brought me is viewing and recalling experiences, both good and bad as life lessons not stories to tell or pictures in a scrapbook. You’ve all heard it and it sounds trite but maturity transfers that knowledge into your gut for you. Your self esteem is easier to maintain and you're more comfortable in your own skin, as they say. You won't want to shout "Been there, done that, got the T-shirt," nearly as much, you'll just smile to yourself and relax. I’ve enjoyed that aspect of getting old.

Now being overwhelmed with the power and complexity of electronic gadgets …….. :redface: well that’s a part of aging that will always suck in my book.

I think the worse aspect is having to sit back and watch others make the same mistakes I have when I know the the easy solution but the young persons refuses to accept it.

 

[Shaun Ray]

Good food for thought on this thread. I have seen my share of elderly relatives pass on, and some not too kindly. I am 37, and if I base that on the average lifespan of relatives, I am half way to being put into the ground. Kids change your perspective, and I think its for the good, even with all the kinks they come with. Take it one day at a time is usually how it goes for me, even if I am feeling old, its still another day of existence and thats good enough for me.

+1 Not bad advice. One day at a time and count the blessings.

 

[OzzieJohn]

Last night we watched The Kingdom and this stuck:

"Westmoreland made all us Officers write our own obituaries during Tet, when it looked like the Cong were going to end it all right there.

Once we clued-in that life was finite, the loss of it no longer scared us: the end comes no matter what, it's just a question of how you live it."

Fundamental, or just Hollywood crap? As NeoNSX will attest, pondering life is something I am just getting started with.

My mother's 64th today. Thanks to improved arthritis medications/management, she ran around playing frisbee with our dog, helped me do some work (yeah OK on her birthday I know I know), even played basketball. 10 years ago her limit would have been one of those things only. One thing is for certain: there's never been a better time to be 64.

 

[steveny]

Just brushing my teeth and looking in the mirror seeing myself a little older and thinking about this thread. At the same time I got this feeling I was being selfish as I thought about this thread at the same time...

http://www.nsxprime.com/forums/showthread.php?t=95186&highlight=vincent

 

[Ryanmcd2]

I will say this, I thought money was everything. Now that is not a worry and living as long as I can is on the top of my list. I see people all the time that have millions but wasted there life on doing it. As in just warn out looking. HEALTH is the only thing you have and money can not make you strong or get you in shape. Also I am 32, goto the gym 5-7 times a week and have a trainer. I watch everything I eat and log in into fitday.com and then go back and see how I feel. Don't let your health go because in the end it is all you really do have.

 

[robr]

As you say, money isn't everything but it sure can help. If I had the money, I'd have a PT as well as a personal chef. If I had someone cooking for me all the time, I would without a doubt be so much healthier.

 

[92 white 0650]

HEALTH is the only thing you have

Too true. Applies to mental, emotional and spiritual health as well. I kinda like the idea of balance; it justifies having a little money to keep life interesting. But yeah, I agree, money can be a tough taskmaster; we have to keep it all in perspective.

 

[steveny]

As you say, money isn't everything but it sure can help. If I had the money, I'd have a PT as well as a personal chef. If I had someone cooking for me all the time, I would without a doubt be so much healthier.

Well being truely healthy is not something that can be obtained without money. Fact is a bum is probably the unhealthiest person and a wealthy person is the healthiest man.


At a lunch with a bunch of younger I sat down and we were talking, I had everyones attention, everyone was quite then I said.

When I was younger I thought money was everything. (they all held their breath and looked hard at me anticipating what I was going to say.) Now that I am older I know that it's true.

Thats all I said I got up walked away and they all just sat there quitely pondering. I came back the next day and a few days after. We all had lunch and discussed the topic. In the end I made sure they knew money wasn't everything. That being old and tired but rich was worthless. Then I told them to get their asses to work and get rich when they were still young. Because nothing sucks more than being young and poor.:biggrin:

 

[Ryanmcd2]

Well being truely healthy is not something that can be obtained without money. Fact is a bum is probably the unhealthiest person and a wealthy person is the healthiest man.


At a lunch with a bunch of younger I sat down and we were talking, I had everyones attention, everyone was quite then I said.

When I was younger I thought money was everything. (they all held their breath and looked hard at me anticipating what I was going to say.) Now that I am older I know that it's true.

Thats all I said I got up walked away and they all just sat there quitely pondering. I came back the next day and a few days after. We all had lunch and discussed the topic. In the end I made sure they knew money wasn't everything. That being old and tired but rich was worthless. Then I told them to get their asses to work and get rich when they were still young. Because nothing sucks more than being young and poor.:biggrin:

hahaha so true and you are right, I spend a good $1,000 on gym / training / health shakes a month and buy the best food and cook it myself. If I did not have money no way I could do this and I am lucky I can do this. I also know a lot of ppl that have good money that eat out and eat total crap even if it's a high end place.
I guess I really don't have anything else to do but get in kick ass shape and that's a good thing

 

[Ryanmcd2]

As you say, money isn't everything but it sure can help. If I had the money, I'd have a PT as well as a personal chef. If I had someone cooking for me all the time, I would without a doubt be so much healthier.

I like to cook so having a chef would not be a good thing. I even was thinking of going to school to learn how to cook better. Also one of my life goals is to cook at the Waffle House, even if it's for 1 week lol :biggrin:

 

[robr]

what i put in my mouth is my #1 problem. i don't cook, i don't like to cook, i don't have time to cook, i don't like to shop for food or clean up the mess. i like my food served to me ready to go. my wife doesn't cook either and sure as hell doesn't have time anyway with two toddlers, so we eat out far too often or end up with crap like noodles or chicken nuggets. when we eat out, i refuse to pay more money for healthy stuff that i don't like when i could get crap food i really do like for cheaper. so.... i could really use a personal chef .

 

[MashimaroNSX]

Ok guys, I know I probably don't belong in this post but I'm a firm beliver that you are only as old as you feel, and therefore if you play the part you will feel the part. For example I was surfing in Hawaii last summer and one thing that I always loved is watching this one woman who is in her early 60's with long white hair and a tan who has been surfing the shore since she was 10. Besides her skills, her physique is just astonishing, (perhaps not typical of many people her age) and she can still sport a bikini and actually look good in it. Happiness makes you young at heart, and point being is that she's doing what she loves and has passion for and that is what makes her young at heart. Quite frankly I somehow don't think if I turned 80 my average speed of driving my NSX will go down by 50% :wink:

 

[steveny]

what i put in my mouth is my #1 problem. i don't cook, i don't like to cook, i don't have time to cook, i don't like to shop for food or clean up the mess. i like my food served to me ready to go. my wife doesn't cook either and sure as hell doesn't have time anyway with two toddlers, so we eat out far too often or end up with crap like noodles or chicken nuggets. when we eat out, i refuse to pay more money for healthy stuff that i don't like when i could get crap food i really do like for cheaper. so.... i could really use a personal chef .

This was a true LOL for me. It's so true about food until you get into the high end market.

I am leaving here in a few minutes to get a piece of Kobe beef for dinner. Now beef is not suppose to be good for you but if I am going to eat beef I might as well get the best piece there is available. Once again the good stuff isn't cheap.
I don't cook either I think it's a waste of time and I hate to clean up the mess after wards. To me cooking is no more appealing than working on my car for 2 days in order to take a 5 minute ride and work on it for 2 days after ward too, it just doesn't make any sense.

 

[robr]

Ok guys, I know I probably don't belong in this post but I'm a firm beliver that you are only as old as you feel, and therefore if you play the part you will feel the part. For example I was surfing in Hawaii last summer and one thing that I always loved is watching this one woman who is in her early 60's with long white hair and a tan who has been surfing the shore since she was 10. Besides her skills, her physique is just astonishing, (perhaps not typical of many people her age) and she can still sport a bikini and actually look good in it. Happiness makes you young at heart, and point being is that she's doing what she loves and has passion for and that is what makes her young at heart. Quite frankly I somehow don't think if I turned 80 my average speed of driving my NSX will go down by 50% :wink:

That's easy to say until your body starts degrading with age. I've had a lot of lower back problems recently and have undergone all sorts of tests and have just been told that my spine is degrading but that it's normal given my age. Both my biceps/shoulders are in pain as well. I can't lay down on my side with my head on my arm and I can't throw a ball with force any longer (this one really sucks, how I am supposed to play catch with my kids) and I was playing tennis the other week and jumped into the air and raised my racquet over my head and stretched my arm out and the pain of that motion was staggering.

You can act as young as you like emotionally, but you can't always fight the physical changes. I still run 4-5 days a week and thankfully my legs are OK with that. I still have a lot of muscle mass but I am looking at buying some weights for my office "gym" to see if that will help.

 

[Deltron Zero]

what i put in my mouth is my #1 problem.

Geez I got this thread mixed up with the marriage thread. Scared me for a sec.

 

[docjohn]

Rob man it sounds like your body is telling you something.I know you have worked hard to lose wght.I still think your diet is a problem.On that note,if you can't change what you eat,at least you can limit the amount.Try cutting all your portions in half for a few months,just toss half out.If your joints are hurting or you are prone to injury then you should see a doc to make sure you don't have a treatable form of arthritis.Most likely you are just overdoing things.I would work on range of motion on all joints ie stretching and make sure to start gradualy on the playing field.That said the body and mind need to be on the same page.

 

[robr]

Rob man it sounds like your body is telling you something.I know you have worked hard to lose wght.I still think your diet is a problem.On that note,if you can't change what you eat,at least you can limit the amount.Try cutting all your portions in half for a few months,just toss half out.If your joints are hurting or you are prone to injury then you should see a doc to make sure you don't have a treatable form of arthritis.Most likely you are just overdoing things.I would work on range of motion on all joints ie stretching and make sure to start gradualy on the playing field.That said the body and mind need to be on the same page.

On one hand you are absolutely right about my diet, I agree I need to change my eating habits. The arm problems started long ago and I think they are injuries due to stupid drunken arm wrestling matches when I was in my 20s. I had a (female) roommate who was a US arm wrestling champ and I was trying to practice so I could take her on (hah). The shoulders though are something new.

 

[steveny]

That's easy to say until your body starts degrading with age. I've had a lot of lower back problems recently and have undergone all sorts of tests and have just been told that my spine is degrading but that it's normal given my age. Both my biceps/shoulders are in pain as well. I can't lay down on my side with my head on my arm and I can't throw a ball with force any longer (this one really sucks, how I am supposed to play catch with my kids) and I was playing tennis the other week and jumped into the air and raised my racquet over my head and stretched my arm out and the pain of that motion was staggering.

You can act as young as you like emotionally, but you can't always fight the physical changes. I still run 4-5 days a week and thankfully my legs are OK with that. I still have a lot of muscle mass but I am looking at buying some weights for my office "gym" to see if that will help.

I hear you. I was doing flips off the diving board this summer at my house in NY and I did something to my upper arm. I don't know what happened but I threw something out and I was in A LOT of pain, like screaming pain for the first time since I was a teenager. Needless to say I will be sticking to cannon balls from now on. :biggrin: