Coming to terms with your own moratality

[Steven Allen]

I would be interested to hear from fellow primers how they cope with moratality. As I get older it feels more real to me. There are more years behind me then ahead. I see a lot of those I know and people that I enjoyed
seeing on TV and film pass away.

I will look for your thoughts.

 

[Cairo94507]

Hey we all die; some sooner than others. Enjoy life in moderation and you will be fine. I try to always be positive but I have had a very good life and appreciate any time I have left. Shopping for a 2010 Porsche 997.2 C4S, 6 speed coupe now.

 

[shawn110975]

this is funny cuz I never thought about it till about last year.
Im 36 now.

if I die what will it feel like/ will it hurt?

if I die who will take care of my 2 children/ wife?

if I die I dont want my children to be sad it would break my heart.

if I die what will happen to my memories?

will I die old or younger?

I never thought about it till about a year ago

now its a daily thought.

its weird, I mean I not hiding in my house like a scared Rat.

I dont know if it the age that this happens or when you have kids. not sure

its just weird.

 

[DocL]

I had a close death experience 12 years ago. There is nothing that prepares you for mortality. You just have to accept that it can happen at any time, and hopefully it's not painful.

 

[RSO 34]

I'm not afraid of death. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Today is the oldest you have ever been and the youngest you will ever be. Go out and enjoy it.

 

[Matt Knight]

Interesting thread; here's my story:

In September of 2007 I lost my wife of almost 20 years to breast cancer; we had 10 days between the terminal diagnosis and her passing. We had a son and a daughter ages 13 and 10. She was a wonderful wife, mother, friend and teacher; her passing left a tremendous void in my family's life.

Almost 5 years later my son has graduated high school, my daughter has turned 15 and I remarried in March; life goes on, and it is good.

We're all going to die; each day brings us closer to that reality. It's what we do with the time that is given us that matters.

As a parent I have a will and life insurance to take care of my responsibilities. I would prefer to do this in person; these are referred to as Plan B.

Plan A: enjoy my life with my children and wife, enjoy my work, enjoy my family and friends, enjoy the NSX. Live life knowing that we get one shot on this plane of existence. I believe that there is a life after this one. That being said; I plan to enjoy this life (in a responsible fashion) because I could be wrong (again).

I may have come to terms with my own mortality; that doesn't mean I want to face it just yet,

Matt

 

[NSXrunner]

One of my best friends passed away from cancer before he made it to 20. His last few days were not fun. I learned at an early age, there are no guarantees. You can be fit as a fiddle, then drop dead or die from some random event. Life is full of peaks and valleys, enjoy the experience of them all because you never know when it will be your time.

 

[pgilliam1]

Mortality is like life - it's temporary. I look forward to experiencing the other side of life, just like I look forward to seeing the sunrise. It's all a wonder now isn't it?

 

[EAC]

I never thought about it until my Dad died in my arms 2 months ago. Now, I think about it everyday.

I think I need counceling. :frown:

 

[PHOEN$X]

In September of 2007 I lost my wife of almost 20 years to breast cancer; we had 10 days between the terminal diagnosis and her passing. We had a son and a daughter ages 13 and 10. She was a wonderful wife, mother, friend and teacher; her passing left a tremendous void in my family's life.

One of my best friends passed away from cancer before he made it to 20.

OMG, I am so sorry for both your losses! I cannot imagine...life is so precious and should always be treasured.

 

[PHOEN$X]

I never thought about it until my Dad died in my arms 2 months ago. Now, I think about it everyday.

I think I need counceling. :frown:

I'm truly sorry to hear that. Sounds like some counseling might be helpful for you...

 

[92 white 0650]

Re: My thoughts.....

I too am looking at how much time has passed and how little time is left. So, without a lot of cliches or superficial philosophy, I am starting to appreciate each day that I wake up and find me and my loved ones are healthy.

I think mortality is worst when there is a sense that you have not done what you set out to do. I know that when I have been facing a serious accident whether it's a split second traffic accident or other long duration stress such as an airplane emergency that is developing over time, the crazy thoughts that come to mind are like "Oh $hit, I'm gonna be late."

But, I also know I have it pretty easy compared to most, as I started my midlife crisis at 18 and have just recently started to transition out of it. So I have checked off just about everything on my bucket list and have no regrets that might haunt me in my rocking chair.

But those are thoughts for me alone since we all have to come to grips with it in our own way and nobody's experience is going to directly help much. I think we need to find acceptance and peace by growing mentally and emotionally every day. There is no instant illumination, just a slow and steady growing glow that creeps into the shadows of your mind.

But old age does have it's benefits. And unless the recession or other harsh life experiences has taken over, it is easier to gain peace and acceptance in middle age and retirement. Check your testastarone level and see if there is a correlation. :wink:

Rambling over, I'm pulling into the pits now.

 

[bboxer]

http://shar.es/qesJY

This is a window on the top 5 regrets of the dying as collected by a hospice nurse. Food for thought.

 

[phryxis]

Thank you all for sharing your stories.

I actually have been thinking about mortality a lot recently, not for myself, but for my father. He's very healthy and active, but also 73 years old. You wouldn't think he's that old just looking at him. He's just been an incredible influence and pillar of support in my life, that for some reason recently I've been really dreading his eventual passing. I'm not married, and don't have kids, but giving him grandchildren is something I'd like to do.

I feel extremely fortunate because I live very close to my parents and see them every week, and am always on call if anything happens.

I think in the end, spending as much time as possible with my parents, continuing to succeed in life, and being as good of a son as possible is all I can really do.

 

[Lostbuckeye]

I have had to deal these thoughts also. My wife of 24 yrs is currently fighting a seven year battle with ovarian cancer. The cancer has shown up in her spinal fluid and has caused her to be paralyzed from the waist down. She has been very close to her last breath on two occasions, most recently three months ago from an infection that the Drs said should have killed her.

I'm not writing this for sympathy. My point is that from the moment she was diagnosed she has been positive and at peace. Not that she will be cured as the Drs say her case is terminal. But rather that the time we have is precious and providing her quality of life remains good she will continue to fight for more time though that's in God's hands. Her only concern is that my 15 yr old son and I can will deal with life without her in a positive manor.

My family believes in God and that he will provide what we need to get through this no matter what the outcome. And we hang on to the promise of a life after this one. She has no regrets and we have said our good byes. All three of us leave nothing unsaid between us because tomorrow is an unknown. No matter what the cancer has done to her body, she is more beautiful than the day I met her. She is my hero.

I don't mean to insult anyone but, after watching my wife endure this, it seems rather petty to worry about dying to me now. We should worry about how we live each day and how we treat the ones we love. That's a mission worth living for.

I haven't shared this story in such a public setting as those who know us are our witnesses. But I think there is a perspective and a lesson in it. At least for me there is. If I don't wakeup tomorrow I have no regrets and have left nothing unsaid to my family and friends. Like my wife I am at peace. And... my son gets the NSX though hopefully with 200K more miles than it has now. I hope this help you in some way. Man what a thought provoking tread this has become.

 

[RedWings]

I never thought about it until my Dad died in my arms 2 months ago. Now, I think about it everyday.

I think I need counceling. :frown:

Thats a tragic statement and a fine idea, take your own advice there

Been since 1991 for me since my dad departed, you eventually treasure thinking about him everyday and honoring the memory with positive thoughts.

 

[NSX GT]

I remember the day I couldnt wait to be 21, and now I wish I could stop time. The average life span is 80. That means I only have 35 more years of life and I havent seen or traveled everywhere yet.

When I was 18 yrs old, my mother was hit by a bus in SF and I had to make a difficult decision to pull the respirator due to her critical condition. I regret never having the chance to see her or say goodbye. I was too afraid to view her in that condition and wanted to just remember her as she was prior. I still remember the nurse handing me a bag full of my moms clothes covered with blood. Lesson learned was no matter how young and healthy you are, today could be your last, so enjoy it to the fullest!

My motto is "you cant take it with your so go and enjoy it."

 

[Jin1976]

Regardless of what religion i am, i often question is there life after death. I'm always the type that i believe something when i see it. That is what scares me about mortality. :frown:

 

[imflipside]

When I was 23 (half a lifetime ago) a drunk driver in a Ford Bronco almost killed me (he ran a stop light at 100 km/hr and hit my CRX). Nice mess. Death will come when it will. Every moment of life is precious even if you're in pain or having other trouble. Make the most of it.

"Today is the oldest you have ever been and the youngest you will ever be. Go out and enjoy it." - great quote.

 

[sahtt]

Re: My thoughts.....

I think mortality is worst when there is a sense that you have not done what you set out to do. I know that when I have been facing a serious accident whether it's a split second traffic accident or other long duration stress such as an airplane emergency that is developing over time, the crazy thoughts that come to mind are like "Oh $hit, I'm gonna be late."

But, I also know I have it pretty easy compared to most, as I started my midlife crisis at 18 and have just recently started to transition out of it. So I have checked off just about everything on my bucket list and have no regrets that might haunt me in my rocking chair

I am similar to you. While working an internship my sophomore year in college, I was driving a commercial truck and waiting in a line of trucks for a massive fork lift to move a structure so we could pass.

For reasons I do not understand, I went into deep contemplation about death. The possibility of entering total oblivion - truly ceasing to exist - hit me like a brick wall. I had to pull myself back to reality I so far into meditation; I've never been so close to fully realizing what death means again.

But that among other experiences (I also had my best friend at the time die at age 17 in a small engine air plane crash) made me appreciate life more and transformed how I see and manage risk. Is riding a motorcycle dangerous? Absolutely - I know the stats better than most. But death is guaranteed. It is coming and you cannot stop it and you may not even be able to slow it if that is what is decided by higher powers than us (or bad luck, your pick). The goal should be to accomplish and experience as much as possible before you die. Sure, part of that is eating healthy, not smoking, wearing your motorcycle helmet/gear; but people forget the other part of the equation - Get out there and get what you can from life while you still can.

 

[davidf]

Up till 2 years ago I rarely got sick. Nothing more than a runny nose for me. Ate healthy/worked out daily/no drink/no smoke. I really felt invincible, until 2 years ago when bladder cancer hit. I was devistated to say the least. In the blink of an eye my imortality vanished, leaving me scared/confused/mad/again, scared, really scared. Fortunately early stage and an excellent doctor allowed me to keep my bladder. After a year of rather uncomfortable treatments I'm like new again. I realize now I'm a mear mortal like everyone else. Every morning now is a blessing to wake up. I think about cancer everyday now and how in an instant our life can take a turn for the worse without warning. Live everyday like it's your last. I'm a true believer in that now. Everyone needs a bucket list.:wink:

 

[shawn110975]

bboxer that link you provided, the site has spam, fake virus scanners LOL

 

[VampNSXX]

I don't think about it because there is no point. We will all die so why think about it.

 

[bboxer]

bboxer that link you provided, the site has spam, fake virus scanners LOL

Thanks for the alert Shawn. I did notice a Wallgreen popup but my Ipad and fairly well protected laptop did not alert me to any more serious threats.
BTW, i am glad you're LOLing since this thread is quite dark and sobering. My hearfelt sympathy goes to many here.

 

[Tom239]

I find the ability to maintain equanimity, which can be developed by practice,
to be key in dealing with mortality. If you can get fear in general under control,
you can get fear of mortality under control. And managing fear is not just for
dealing with mortality, but rather for anything that requires a cool head.

How to practice maintaining equanimity? That is personal, and although I
can describe my practices of choice I wouldn't presume to say that they
would be the best practices for someone else. Some people meditate as
practice in staying centered, but for me no practice has been more effective
than rock climbing.

"Fear is the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources
of cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom, in the pursuit of
truth as in the endeavor after a worthy manner of life." - Bertrand Russell

And about mortality in particular: my experience is that appreciating
mortality is an ongoing process. I got my real introduction to mortality
by testing HIV positive in 1987. I didn't know how well I'd be doing in
1990, let alone 2012. I saw right away that I had never seriously
contemplated mortality before (normal for a young person). But even
after an experience of taking mortality seriously, there remains an
ongoing process of understanding it more deeply. I am not painting
a picture of grimness; on the contrary--mortality is very much a part
of life, and appreciating mortality is part of a well-rounded appreciation
of life as a whole.