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Darwin Awards are out!

8 May 2002
In a Iglo

5th RUNNER-UP Goes to a San Anselmo, California man who died when he hit
a lift tower at the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the
slope on a foam pad. The 22-year old David Hubal was pronounced dead at
Central Mammoth Hospital. The accident occurred about 3 a.m., the Mono
County Sheriff's department said. Hubal and his friends apparently had
hiked up a ski run called Stump Alley and undid some yellow foam
protectors from lift towers, said Lt. Mike Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes
Police Department. The pads are used to protect skiers who might hit
towers. The group apparently used the pads to slide down the ski slope
and Hubal crashed into a tower. It has since been investigated and
determined the tower he hit was the one with its pad removed.

4th RUNNER-UP Goes to Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being disorderly
in a St. Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call the police,
Puelo grabbed a hot dog, shoved it into his mouth and walked out without
paying. Police found him unconscious in front of the store. Paramedics
removed the six-inch wiener from his throat where it had choked him to

3rd RUNNER-UP Goes to poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot a stag
standing above him on an overhanging rock and was killed instantly when
it fell on him.

2nd RUNNER-UP "Man loses face at party." A man at a West Virginia party
(probably related to the winner last year, a man in Arkansas who used
the .22 bullet to replace the fuse in his pickup truck) popped a
blasting cap into his mouth and bit down,triggering an explosion that
blew off his lips, teeth,and tongue. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit
the blasting cap as a prank during the party late Tuesday night, said
Cpl. M.D. Payne. "Another man had it in an aquarium hooked to a battery
and was trying to explode it." "It wouldn't go off and this guy said
I'll show you how to set it off." He put it into his mouth, bit down and
it blew all his teeth out and his lips and tongue off, Payne said.
Stromyer was listed in guarded condition Wednesday with extensive facial
injuries, according to a spokesperson at Charleston Area Medical
Division. "I just can't imagine anyone doing something like that," Payne

1st RUNNER-UP Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an Oregon man
shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive and will
be released soon from the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye
last weekend during an initiation into a men's rafting club, Mountain
Men Anonymous (probably known now as Stupid Mountain Men Anonymous) in
Grant's Pass, Oregon. A friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head,
but the arrow
entered Robert's right eye. Doctors said that had the arrow gone 1
millimeter to the left, a major blood vessel would have been cut and
Roberts would have died instantly. Neurosurgeon Doctor Johnny Delashaw
at the University Hospital in Portland said the arrow went through 8 to
10 inches of brain with the tip protruding at the rear of his skull, yet
somehow managed to miss all major blood vessels. Delashaw also said that
had Roberts tried to pull the arrow out on his own he surely would have
killed himself. Roberts admitted afterwards that he and his friends had
been drinking that afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel so dumb about this."
No charges have been filed, but the Josephine County district attorney's
office said the initiation stunt is under investigation.


(The late) John Pernicky and his friend, (the late) Sal Hawkins, of the
great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert
at the George Washington amphitheater. Having no tickets (but having had
18 beers between them), they thought it would be easy to "hop" over the
nine foot fence and sneak into the show. They pulled their pickup truck
over to the fence and the plan was for Mr. Pernicky, who was 100-pounds
heavier than Mr. Hawkins to hop the fence and then assist his friend
over. Unfortunately for (the late) Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30-foot
drop on the other side of the fence. Having heaved himself over, he
found himself crashing through a tree. His fall was abruptly halted (and
broken, along with his arm) by a large branch that snagged him by his
shorts. Dangling from the tree with a broken arm, he looked down and saw
some bushes below him. Possibly figuring the bushes would break his
fall, he removed his pocket knife and proceeded to cut away his shorts
to free himself from the tree. Finally free, Mr. Pernicky crashed into
holly bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his ENTIRE body and now,
without the protection of his shorts, a holly branch penetrated his
rectum. To make matters worse, on landing, his pocket
knife penetrated his thigh. Mr. Hawkins, seeing his friend in
considerable pain and agony, threw him a rope and pull him to safety by
tying the rope to the pickup truck and slowly driving away. However, in
his drunken haste/state, he put the truck into reverse and crashed
through the fence landing on his friend and killing him. Police arrived
to find the crashed pickup with its driver thrown 100 feet from the
truck and dead at the scene from massive internal injuries. Upon moving
the truck, they found John under it half-naked, scratches on his body, a
holly stick in his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and his shorts dangling
from a tree branch 25-feet in the air.
the best one ever is still the schmuck who bought a motor home and put it on cruise control to go make breakfast, crashed it, and then sued for a couple million dollars because they didn't tell him cruise control wasn't autopilot. :rolleyes:

On hte other hand, could imagine being a family member having to identify the naked stabbed body?

"No sir officer, he isn't related to me, but he does look kinda like Mr. Hawkins...who ironically has the same last name as me, but still, no relation."
Brian2by2 said:
the best one ever is still the schmuck who bought a motor home and put it on cruise control to go make breakfast, crashed it, and then sued for a couple million dollars because they didn't tell him cruise control wasn't autopilot.
Now, you don’t actually believe that happened, do you?

Hint: Go to snopes and search for Winnebago. ;)
I dont know about you guys, but I would have had to had more than "a few" to think I was William Tell and let someone attempt to shoot a can off my head with an arrow, let alone "just feel stupid" about it. Thats crazy.
Also notice how all of these involve the male of the species? Kinda scary for those of us with a Y chromosome:eek:
Also sad to see the top two hail from the Northwest, usually known for being a bit sharper than either of those stories would indicate.