its funny i come to prime for my daily nsx fix just like everyone else on this forum and one the of the best reads ive come across had nothing to do with a nsx.
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? for you married guys
- Thread starter TURBO2GO
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Agree. Perfect example of the type of chick you DON'T want right there.
I wonder how much money she stole from guys in her divorces?
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Wow, great thread.
Something to consider: if supposedly 50% of marriages end in divorce, that means 50% end in . . . . death. :biggrin:
My perspective: I've been happily married to my wonderful wife 2 years now . . . 'course I've been married to her 21 years . . . . :biggrin:
Sorry, couldn't resist those two stupid jokes.
Seriously, there have been some really good perspectives and comments posted here. The lesson to be learned here is that there is no answer, no formula. I was married 12 years the first go-round, married young and told myself I need to make it work. Until it didn't for me any longer. So made the very difficult decision to leave.
Met a woman who had the same values as did I. We've been together 23 years, 21 of those married. We are very compatible, have the same values (very important!), but not necessarily the same interests. That last point almost caused us to split, but we worked it out. We know how to compromise, we each know when the other needs accommodation, know when we can stand our ground. But the key is to be willing to put the other first, to a point such that one isn't a carpet to be walked on. That's when respect is lost, and like having the same values, mutual respect for each other is paramount.
This does not answer the OP question regarding GF or wife. Either can work, depends on what you are looking for, what works for you. Marriage is certainly no guarantee. People change. Men change. Women change. With luck the changes are positive and the other can deal with it. Even if the changes are not for the best, it can still work. Or not.
To the OP: follow your heart, and I don't mean with respect to the woman that may or may not be your GF. I mean follow your heart as to what feels comfortable. That's what you go with. Complement that with a strong empathy for what is working for her, and you'll have a workable situation, marriage or long-term GF.
How's that for a non-answer? :biggrin: But I think it's appropriate since no one but you knows how you feel, only you do.
Something to consider: if supposedly 50% of marriages end in divorce, that means 50% end in . . . . death. :biggrin:
My perspective: I've been happily married to my wonderful wife 2 years now . . . 'course I've been married to her 21 years . . . . :biggrin:
Sorry, couldn't resist those two stupid jokes.
Seriously, there have been some really good perspectives and comments posted here. The lesson to be learned here is that there is no answer, no formula. I was married 12 years the first go-round, married young and told myself I need to make it work. Until it didn't for me any longer. So made the very difficult decision to leave.
Met a woman who had the same values as did I. We've been together 23 years, 21 of those married. We are very compatible, have the same values (very important!), but not necessarily the same interests. That last point almost caused us to split, but we worked it out. We know how to compromise, we each know when the other needs accommodation, know when we can stand our ground. But the key is to be willing to put the other first, to a point such that one isn't a carpet to be walked on. That's when respect is lost, and like having the same values, mutual respect for each other is paramount.
This does not answer the OP question regarding GF or wife. Either can work, depends on what you are looking for, what works for you. Marriage is certainly no guarantee. People change. Men change. Women change. With luck the changes are positive and the other can deal with it. Even if the changes are not for the best, it can still work. Or not.
To the OP: follow your heart, and I don't mean with respect to the woman that may or may not be your GF. I mean follow your heart as to what feels comfortable. That's what you go with. Complement that with a strong empathy for what is working for her, and you'll have a workable situation, marriage or long-term GF.
How's that for a non-answer? :biggrin: But I think it's appropriate since no one but you knows how you feel, only you do.
Wow, I'm late to this party, but I've been married for almost 7 years now. And one thing I was lucky to realize earlier on in life than somefolk is that marriage is not for my own sake. Any relationship I enter for what benefits I derive is bound to end in disappointment. Rather, if I marry for the sake of my wife and what I have to offer (talking relationship-wise, not necessarily the "practical" things), then I make my goal to always take care of all her needs. By setting those as my goals, I can be an admirable husband, one that other men might even look up to and seek advice from on why my marriage is going so great. And of course, she must bring the same mentality to the table. Reference Ephesians chapter 5.
Bottom line: as soon as we start worring more about our own "needs" first, we damage (and sometime irreparably) our relationships. This is even more true in marriage, where the damage has devastating potential.
Bottom line: as soon as we start worring more about our own "needs" first, we damage (and sometime irreparably) our relationships. This is even more true in marriage, where the damage has devastating potential.
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Naaman, knowing you as well as I feel I have come to over these many years, you simply are not cut from the same cloth as most. You stand way above us all in many respects and your values are something I think that many of us aspire to be able to uphold. I have no doubt that when it comes to marriage, you put no less into that than you do into anything else you do in your life and your wife and kids are incredibly lucky to have you in their lives.
I tend to be a perfectionist but I suck by far in comparison to you and thus I cannot seriously consider your advice since I know you are actually a robot and I stand no chance when it comes to trying to maintain the same discipline and values a robot is able to keep. Nanoo-Nanoo.
I tend to be a perfectionist but I suck by far in comparison to you and thus I cannot seriously consider your advice since I know you are actually a robot and I stand no chance when it comes to trying to maintain the same discipline and values a robot is able to keep. Nanoo-Nanoo.
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All things being equal the biggest mistake I have made in my entire life, is having kids late in life. One of my biggest stressors is whether or not I will live long enough to see them grow up.
I was in the same place you are for a very long time. I was the guy up at the podium spouting off about how I'll never get married, never have kids.... Blah blah blah. The "if its not broke don't fix it" phrase was one of my favorites.
Once you have kids it changes everything. Some things for the better others not. But its one of those things you can't put your finger on or put words to...just how it makes life so much more, more of everything that's good and cerebral. I think about it a lot. Parenting shows the parallels between what your going through as a parent and what your parents may have done or not done for you, and why, and how....that spins around in your mind endlessly, at least for me. You think you have purpose until you have kids and then you know what purpose really is.
I realize now had I had children earlier in life it would have made everything much harder but also more interesting. When I talk to people my age about their kids and they tell me how they are about to finish college it pains me that my youngest hasn't even started kindergarten yet. Will I be there when she's "just about to finish college"
I had my first at 42 after living with then marrying my wife. I was with her for 11 years before having kids. Let's say you meet someone and are with them for 11 years before having a child. You say you are in your forties, let's say 45, plus the ten years before getting married, 55, kid pops out on the day of the wedding your kid starts kindergarten when your 60 and graduates high school...you're gonna be 73, if you make it to college graduation for a masters you'll be pushing 80.
This post really isn't directed at you or anyone for that matter it's simply information that I wanted to put out here. Time flies, even more so as you get older. I would say having kids late is much like reading the best book of your life and not knowing if you're gonna be able to finish it. Wanting to read more than a page a day to see how the ending goes but only being able to turn one page each day.
46 with a 8,6 and nine month old. Just live healthy and do you best to stay around for the kids. I would not change the course my life has taken me. Many of my friends that got married early in life and had kids early ended up getting divorced to the detriment of the kids.
I was having tons of carefree fun single........always found excuses to not settle(kinda like Dave[turbo]):biggrin:...but as I stated previously I was lucky enough to have the coordination of my changing needs to settle and meeting the right match....so we married when I was 41.......the rest is history.We did get busy reproducing promptly .:wink:
I feel like the baby here and I have two babies of my own. One 5 days now and the other will be 2 in January. I have to concur with the you don't know your purpose until you have children. The toys, cars, the material shit - none of it matters. I'd give it all up in a heartbeat to keep my kids safe, healthy and in a home full of love!
10 years ago reading this I would have said, that's BS, but you're absolutely right. Someone without kids will never be able to understand this.
Yeah it's like there are two parallel worlds and its right there in front of your face all around you but you can't see it until you've crossed over into it. then you're like holy shit this has been here the whole time? Wtf! Once there it's so easy to see others who have crossed over into it as well.
Your kids screaming as you carry her out of the store without buying that stuffed animal she can't live without. You look around to see looks of compassion (parents)and looks of disgust (non-parents) And then you see that (clueless)look you once had, the look of.....when I have kids that'll never be me. Lol.
^I must be lucky (so far) my 2 yr old never throws tantrums. Hopefully his sister holds up to the same standard!
And as much as you hear "It can't be explained in words", you truly do never understand until you have children - even if they are trying to knock the star off the top of the Christmas tree with their nylon ball right now! lol
And as much as you hear "It can't be explained in words", you truly do never understand until you have children - even if they are trying to knock the star off the top of the Christmas tree with their nylon ball right now! lol
was my girl friend in high school , married at 21 , 40 yrs later , snowmobiling ,motorcycles ,race cars ,two kids thru college (1 engineer ,1 psych ) and all she wants to do is ride in nsx and listen to yankees , I consider myself lucky
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Rob, you go to far! :redface: Marriage is hard! Agreeing on even trivial stuff is difficult for us... How successful I am at actually achieving what I stated is up for debate, but I put it out there simply as a standard to measure by. But I do appreciate your comments. I'm blessed to find that encouragement in a heavily stressful chapter in life right now.
Nailed it. When my first was born, I was 29. And as soon as he came out, I could not remember what life was like prior to him being born...
In conclusion, before marriage, its all about me....after marriage, its all about her or the kids.
Any if its a good marriage you want it to be that way. And it's reciprocated.
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Steve - with all due respect, you are approaching your age/kids age thing the wrong way. People who have kids in their 20's will spend 18-22 years chasing their kids. They will be empty nester's by 50 and soon be in Grandparents mode. They partially sacrificed their career building years to bring up kids. Hopefully you built your career already and now all you have to do is stay healthy to keep up with your kids. You get to take them to sporting events, play ball with them, ride bikes, go hiking. All those things will force you to stay young. The most important part is that YOU take care of your health.
I'm 43. My kids are 11 and 4.5. I am in pretty good shape but can always be better. I eat very very clean. My wife decided we were going Vegan(NO Meat, No Fish, No Dairy, No cheese) about 9 months ago. It has helped me eat much better, feel much better and have more energy. I'm more active some of the parents who are in their 30's. Why - because I decided a while back I am not letting my age be the reason my kids don't have an active life. The kids force you to stay young. It isn't easy but it sure is fun.
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