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? for you married guys

8 March 2006
Tell me how being married is different than having a long term girlfriend. Both good and bad. I am just curious. I am a pretty happy single guy. I have had some long term relationships which I actually liked a lot... I kind of miss them when I don't have one, I enjoy the company, the trust, etc. It's more relaxing to me than doing the single thing all the time, that is draining. Is marriage basically a longer version of a long term relationship? By long term I mean years. Because I kind of like those but then I have changed it up every few years. LOL... If I stayed this age, I probably wouldn't do anything differently. But... as you get older... I think maybe it is nice to have that someone. But then.... maybe its nice to just have the freedom to do whatever the hell you want. Then there is the kid thing... I'm a big brother in the big brother program. 8 years now. So I have a pseudo son. I've watched him grow up. Kind of cool. I like him. I'm attached to him. But I have him a 2-3 weekends a month and that's it. I like this too.... do I need more? Single, long term relationships, not a real dad, kind of a dad thing has been working just fine but one day you just get old. So it's got me thinking...
I'm also a Big Brother, married too... going on 3 years

Only advice is do what makes you truly happy and maybe you get lucky someday to meet a good woman.
Marriage is not easy, it has its rewards and drawbacks

When I hit 40 it seemed like all my buddies wives went loco.
Within 2 years, 6 of my friends were going through divorce. I supported them
and each turned out differently but they were ALL costly!

Each guy spent the first single year banging at least a dozen women
from their 20's, 30's and 40's.

Now 2 years later, ALL of them have settled into a serious relationship
and, looking back are WAY happier than when they were married.

NONE of them would ever marry again.
Been going through the same thoughts man! Although I am lucky enough to have a 9 year old daughter who is my world. MY last relationship was 4 years ago ( with daughters mom ) we were together 7 years, planned on getting married etc. then it all went to hell. I have been having a blast being single for sure. But now that I am older I'm concerned about the whole " alone forever " thing. One huge issue... Most ladies these days I would not want as role models for my daughter.. So Until I find one I would consider suitable there will be no relationship/marriage. If I do great. But Honestly doing what you love to do and enjoying life is what it's all about. With or without someone.
You have to marry the right person. Most people don't get to know the person they are marrying. I was with my wife for at least 4 years before we got married. She is my best friend and lets me do whatever I want. That, of course, is balanced by me not taking advantage of that freedom. It seems that everyone I know tends to marry a woman that will not let them do anything. I don't see how people do not see that coming. You are never going to know EVERYTHING about a potential spouse, but after several years of dating, you should pretty much have it figured out what she will be like as a wife. All that being said, being married is awesome.

As someone on Prime says in their signature:
A successful marriage takes two things: finding the right person and being the right person.

I will always work on the second part.
It seems like 50% of older people are divorced. Of the 50% who aren't divorced, it seems like at least half of them aren't happy.
So what, 20-25% of marriages work long term?
The question of marriage often assumes a perfect outcome which the odds just aren't there IMO.
Some people say roll the dice, but in America, that means signing a legal contract promising to hand over 1/2 your money if things don't work.

I applaud people for continuing the human race, but it's not for me. I don't accept the risk.
I would rather retire young with all the money I earned.
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lol.......marriage is something you need to be ready for..it is a lifelong partnership..much more than just a sexual/physical relationship.You need to have your ego in check,and allow someone else the ability to make decisions that can have long lasting effects on your life.You are not ready.
I've been dating the same girl for 16yrs. We've been engaged for 3..or is it 4yrs now? :confused:
I don't want to rush into things.
On my second marriage and it has lasted 2x as long as my first. Both are very different marriages. The biggest obstacle that I had to overcome was being selfish, and now that I have 1yr old twins, the game has significantly changed. I'm glad that I'm now settled down in a structured relationship and I have no second thoughts about being married. I don't have the desire to go out and hit the single scene anymore. It just comes with the territory of knowing what makes you happy. Yes it is a lot of work, and yes my wife and have our share of disputes, but for us they are healthy.

Now for the more comical look at marriage. We heard a comedian say that he wanted to marry a professional woman, which he did. He said that a woman with a profession means that she won't do $hit around the house, and he is right. My wife is also a doctor and doesn't cook! LOL.

Just remember that marriage is the single leading cause of divorce. :D
Married 40yrs, but I've actually known her almost 50 years, so I don't have the perspective of a long term girlfriend to compare marriage with. She's always supported me, and always been with me in my endeavors; motorcycle roadracing, drag racing, flying, etc.. I don't know what I would do if something were to happen to her.
You need to get to know yourself and what you need in a woman before you get married. Marriage is often about compromise - if you're selfish and can't get over it then marriage isn't for you. With that said, a great marriage is a wonderful thing. There's nothing else like it. My wife and I have been married for over 15 years and I love her more and more every day.

One parting thought - there's truth in the old adage about first impressions. Beware of a woman that comes off as a bitch initially but great afterwards; she'll end up being a bitch later on.

Thing is, I have always watched people get married for the wrong reasons, and they have a certain level of immaturity. I have been immature too, but at least I knew that I was immature. My life is pretty different now, specifically over the last few years. I've seen guys get married for fear of being alone (which isn't a reason), for believe it or not sex (which isn't a reason) and last, for "being in love" (which to me is also not a reason as those emotions can change). I think the reason you should get married should be for no othe reason than the fact that you just like the idea, the concept of marriage. That way you don't go in with a bunch of unreasonable expectations and have it fail.

Regarding kids I always thought I didn't want to be involved in raising kids because it's hell. Those sleepless nights when they are young, then taking them to this and to that, worrying about them, etc. After being a big brother I realized it all goes by so fast!! This kid was 7 when I got him and now is 15. 8 years flew by and he is not really a kid anymore. So maybe I made too big a deal out of it. And IF you want a kid, they would do better having a mom around. I don't know about this whole "find the right woman" thing because I have met and dated more than one woman who I thought would be "right". Right just means a compassionate, giving, compromising, and honest person. There are a lot of women around that have that. The rest you have to put in. I just have low and reasonable expectations I guess. I don't expect the woman to "make me happy" that is a huge burden to place on someone else and I don't want a woman who expects me to always make her happy. Happiness comes from inside you not from someone else.

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Married 40yrs, but I've actually known her almost 50 years, so I don't have the perspective of a long term girlfriend to compare marriage with. She's always supported me, and always been with me in my endeavors; motorcycle roadracing, drag racing, flying, etc.. I don't know what I would do if something were to happen to her.

This is rare but pretty cool.
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Coming form a home where my parents are still married over 50 years. I thought at one point it would be cool to have that..now at 50 and never married. Like some of you, I have seen to crazy crap from woman and my buddies wives. Most are divorced or breaking up. I still believe one day that unicorn (marriage) will come but until then. I am still having a blast being single with no regrets
how old are you?
Somewhere between 40 and 50. LOL... Oldest girl I dated was 5 years younger. Most are in their late 20 to early 30 range. One girl recently told me her father was 3 years older than me. That was.... Weird...
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................ok so are you a woman..........:rolleyes:.....whats with the age nondisclosure? I was a very happy single guy until I wasn't......after meeting my now wife we were both ready..me at 41....so you may be preparing yourself.

Sounds like you getting old. Your priorities changing and your train of thought is too from earlier. It happens to everyone and I catch myself in the same mind sometimes too. I guess I still have a good 15 years until I reach you though so that's 15 more years to think about this stuff, haha.
1/2 of marriages don't end in divorce. The numbers skew when people get divorced 2, 3 4 5... times. If you are divorced 3 times, it takes 3 successful marriages to balance out the 50/50 equation. Its one of the most common misconceptions right along with people only use 5-10% of our brains.

Its all about finding the right person. With the people I know, a lot got got married for the wrong reason: super religious (wanted to have sex), going into the military, accidentally had a kid etc. It wont last. I knew my wife for 9 years before we married, dated her for 7 years, lived together for 5 of those years, was engaged for 2, and have been happily married for 5. Our goals/desires in life/hobbies etc all align so we are happy. Doesn't seem like a magic secret but its important.

Kids are funny. If I'm being honest, I was not happy at all when I learned we were going to have a child. We were married and saving for a home, so the time was fine, but we were using birth control and definitely weren't planning on having a child. I definitively went through a period of anger before acceptance. Flash forward 4 years and I can't imagine life without my daughter. We had a second daughter a year and a half ago (again unplanned - 99% effective my a$$) and though the first few years are tough, I can't imagine life without them. Heard a 9/11 tribute song yesterday that featured a very young girl talking to her deceased dad about learning to swim, her first day of school, and how she sleeps with her light on in case he comes home and wants to kiss her good night. I choke up just thinking about it now, but hearing it literally ripped my heart out. I'm a "mans man" and have cried maybe twice in the last decade but I'm also man enough to say it brought me to tears.

Having the right wife and kids changes you. Maybe its for you, maybe not, but in my opinion it takes a long time to figure out. I think back to a few of the other women I dated and can clearly see it wouldn't have worked out. It was fun though.
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