growing a 3rd ball - need a hearing aid?

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sitting in a crowded restaurant in august, my father yells outloud to me, "HEY, DID I TELL YOU I WAS GROWING A 3RD BALL?"

(background)
i'm a 52 yr old guy with a father that lost his wife on his 80th b'day in july. he lives in oregon, i live in silicon valley. pop's a "grapes of wrath okie" - dirt poor family migrated from oklahoma during the dustbowl era, were migrant farm laborers... eventually dad joined the navy in wwII and from that became a welder (actually, a journeyman in 4 trades by the time he retired). i'm a software sales professional. we're a bit different :) anyway, over the years, dad lost most of his hearing through work. he's on his 3rd hearing aid and it's not going too well.

for the past 6 months i've been traveling to oregon to visit. 100% of visiting time was spent in the house with dad and his wife; then just dad. but on my trip in august, i suggested we get out for a bite of food - maybe that nice chinese buffet he used to like. to my great surprise, he says "sounds great"... and we're off.

so we're in this place about 15 minutes and not talking much (since he can't hear well, he's accustomed to yelling cause he seems to think *i* can't hear well, either :( when all of a sudden, he says (yelling cause he thinks i'm deaf, too)

"HEY, DID I TELL YOU I WAS GROWING A 3RD BALL?"

i'm telling ya, you could have heard a grain of steamed rice hit each and every plate in the restaurant... people's heads were spinning around to look at us like we were in a scene from the exorcist.

i'm sure i must have shrunk down about 9 inches in my seat. in fact, i tried to bury myself in the stuff on my plate. it didn't work.

"YEAH, I WAS TAKING A SHOWER AND GOD D*MN, I FELT SOMETHING, FELT LIKE A 3RD BALL. YOU EVER DO THAT?"

uh, no sir, never had that happen.

well, as you can imagine, everyone has stopped eating and is leaning over to hear whatever else is gonna be said... i'm not sure why, though, since you could have heard him from cleveland.

"YEAH, SO I WENT TO THE DOCTOR AND HE SAID IT WAS JUST A CYST, NOT A BALL. STRANGE, HUH?"

well, wasn't this a special father and son moment... naturally, i was so embarassed i thought i was going to projectile vomit right there on the spot. as fate would have it, everybody went back to eating their meals ("show's over folks, let's keep moving") and we finished ours and left.

as time's gone on, i've been struck how hilarious this was... both to other people who were watching what was happening and to me, too... i will always remember this tender father/son moment.

i'll also remember to get *my* hearing checked and treated as needed to save my son's from the same fate - or not, just to pay them back :)
 
Hilarious! Before my granpa passed away he started to loose his hearing and would yell all kinds of crazy stuff at us. He liked to tell everyone that they looked like they were putting on some weight or loosing their hair. I don't recall him talking about a third ball though. :smile: As Robin Williams character said in Good Will Hunting, Those are the things you remember, thats the good stuff. (He was refering to his wife passing gas so loud she woke herself up!) :biggrin:
Thanks for sharing!
 
Great story. Thanks.
 
It's funny how the older we all get, I'm 48, the more we talk about our ailments. I know my folks do all the time.

I love this story. I have one like it too, but i like yours better. In fact, I think I'll just start telling yours as if it was mine. :wink:
 
My mother is 85% deaf and has been since she was 5 years old. At 5 years old she fell down a hay shoot in a barn and fractured her skull. She was in a coma for a few weeks. When she came out of the coma she had lost most of her hearing. Growing up I could get away with most anything, have friends over late at night and she would sleep straight through parties or whatever. However light a cigarette and she could smell it from 2 states away. :biggrin:
It is very hard to communicate with her and she has very few friends or much of a social life because of her hearing disability. She reads lips and if you are not looking straight at her when you speak she will not be able to make out what you say. She has a special phone that helps her hear but if a person with good hearing picks it up they just may lose 1/2 their hearing. The phone is unbelievably loud! Most of the time we talk through emails so there is no miscommunication. My entire family speaks very loud because we grew up having to so mom could hear us.
One day many years ago I called my mother up to she if she had seen the Blair Witch? She says "yes she is painting my kitchen right now." She thought I had asked her if she had seen my sister. LOL. This is still a great family joke the family, including my mother, laugh about often.
 
glad you guys liked the story... i'm sure some of us can imagine events like this happening... the question is, which side of the table will we be on? :)
 
queenlives said:
glad you guys liked the story... i'm sure some of us can imagine events like this happening... the question is, which side of the table will we be on? :)

Yes, that was a great story and I got a good laugh at it. Thanks. :) Now here's mine.

A few weeks ago I'm out to eat with my parents and my father orders corn on the cobb. Well he is a very intelligent man and like myself he often comes up with strange escoteric ideas. So we're all eating and he calls over the waitress and asks for six toothpicks and everyone at the table looks at my father with a big :confused: look on their face. Now I'm looking at the waitress and she has this confused look on her face also. Why would someone ask for six, yes six, toothpicks? Well to break the awkward silence, I say to my dad. "Okay Rainman, and do you want some cheeseballs also?" and everyone starts to laugh. As it turns out, he wanted to make corn on the cobb holders and he need six toothpicks so he could break them in half to make two half length holders. :biggrin:
 
Hilarious.
I used to take care of some older gentleman when I was in my teens, help drive them around, run errands, etc. Some of them were very hard of hearing, and it created some sticky situations like yours above.
 
what a hoot, huh guys? like ken (chopsjazz) said, these kinda things will be happening more and more as time passes by.

the good news? for our kids, payback's gonna be a bitch ;)
 
DocL said:
Yes, that was a great story and I got a good laugh at it. Thanks. :) Now here's mine.

A few weeks ago I'm out to eat with my parents and my father orders corn on the cobb. Well he is a very intelligent man and like myself he often comes up with strange escoteric ideas. So we're all eating and he calls over the waitress and asks for six toothpicks and everyone at the table looks at my father with a big :confused: look on their face. Now I'm looking at the waitress and she has this confused look on her face also. Why would someone ask for six, yes six, toothpicks? Well to break the awkward silence, I say to my dad. "Okay Rainman, and do you want some cheeseballs also?" and everyone starts to laugh. As it turns out, he wanted to make corn on the cobb holders and he need six toothpicks so he could break them in half to make two half length holders. :biggrin:
rainman! that's a hoot - i'm sure you and your family have had some **very lively** times over the years....
 
Regardless of what they say and do, they are our parents. My dad is 84 and is constantly asking overweight people why they don't lose some weight and equally inappropriate things. But I love him and have just come to accept that as the way he is.
 
Cairo94507 said:
Regardless... equally inappropriate things. But I love him and have just come to accept that as the way he is.
that kinda defines the word "love", doesn't it?
 
Okay, here's one of my "aging" stories. And it's true.

My mom, almost totally blind from macular degeneration, is losing her hearing also. A few years ago she was showing off her new hearing aide to me. They were definitely the "latest and the greatest" at the time. She told me all the fantastic high-tech features it had, and when I asked her, "What kind is it?" Without missing a beat she looked at her watch and shouted to me, "It's six fifteen!"

True story.
 
ChopsJazz said:
Okay, here's one of my "aging" stories. And it's true.

My mom, almost totally blind from macular degeneration, is losing her hearing also. A few years ago she was showing off her new hearing aide to me. They were definitely the "latest and the greatest" at the time. She told me all the fantastic high-tech features it had, and when I asked her, "What kind is it?" Without missing a beat she looked at her watch and shouted to me, "It's six fifteen!"

True story.
AHAHAHAHAHAHA - that's funny!
 
My late granma ate a wax apple from our dinner table. :biggrin:
 
Jin1976 said:
My late granma ate a wax apple from our dinner table. :biggrin:
did she admit it and cough it up, or just keep chewing it down?

if the latter, man - she's rugged :)
 
I stopped her. She admit the apple tasted strange. :biggrin:
queenlives said:
did she admit it and cough it up, or just keep chewing it down?

if the latter, man - she's rugged :)
 
These stories are hilarious...I actually snorted. Great way to spend a Friday afternoon.

Have two myself. God's Honest Truth:

My grandmother passed over 10 years ago and a few weeks after it happened my mom and grandpa (who had a myriad of medical issues including angina) decided to go to a grief counseling session. In a circle of fellow grievers, the counselor singled out my grandpa and asked him if he had any medical issues stemming from his wife's passing:

Counselor: "Gib, have you had any health problems since Doris' death?
Gramps: "Ah yes....I've...had...acute vagina ever since."

Insert crickets...

To the counselors credit, my mom says he held his laughter and silently communicated to everyone else to let Gib talk about his heart trouble. After the session, everyone laughed so hard their stomachs hurt and my grandpa was credited with making it the best grief counseling session the group had been a part of.

I'll post the other one later...gotta get home.
 
Oh man!!! :biggrin::biggrin::biggrin:

I found Hal's old thread and had to bump it. I am still laughing after reading those stories.

I have tears rolling down my cheeks...
 
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