My gf's parents are driving me crazy with their DEBT problem! Solutions?

[queenlives]

The problem is their poor money management combined with the fact they think they are entitled to our friend's earnings. These two factors will not change even if he gave them 10,000,000 dollars.

In fact, oddly enough, these traits would only increase in severity proportionally to the extent he helps them.

yup. no good deed goes unpunished.

actually, it reminds me of when i lived in florida in the early-late 70's. people would feed alligators in local ponds marshmallows because they thought the gators were cute... until the gators weren't satisfied with marshmallows and began eating their pets, kids and the adults themselves.

don't feed the gators.

 

[davidf]

yup. no good deed goes unpunished.

actually, it reminds me of when i lived in florida in the early-late 70's. people would feed alligators in local ponds marshmallows because they thought the gators were cute... until the gators weren't satisfied with marshmallows and began eating their pets, kids and the adults themselves.

don't feed the gators.

They ate pets?

 

[sahtt]

They ate pets?

haha I like how David left out the kids and adults.

 

[queenlives]

They ate pets?

yup... pets, KIDS and adults.

things were different in florida

 

[steveny]

I pay my MIL's credit card bills but I don't mind as she does what I want when I want without question. It's worth every dime I spend. Plus she is a good cook. I want something special to eat, bam she comes here and makes it. She will come over at night and pick the baby up with in 15 minutes if we have to run out of the house. I had a really long day on sunday, 18 hours, she watched the baby all day. If your MIL is giving you the same I say pay the cards for her. Getting help when YOU need it on your terms is priceless.

 

[SilverStone05]

I pay my MIL's credit card bills but I don't mind as she does what I want when I want without question. It's worth every dime I spend. Plus she is a good cook. I want something special to eat, bam she comes here and makes it. She will come over at night and pick the baby up with in 15 minutes if we have to run out of the house. I had a really long day on sunday, 18 hours, she watched the baby all day. If your MIL is giving you the same I say pay the cards for her. Getting help when YOU need it on your terms is priceless.

Agreed. I didn't think to ask the OP what the family does for him. I assumed that it wasn't much.

My fiance isn't doing as well as me financially, but she's a hard worker, doesn't complain and what she does have left over after her expenses, she would give to me if asked anytime, no questions asked. God love good women.

Steve, i'm a pretty good cook....care to pick up my Visa bill this month? :wink:

 

[passline]

Wait and see what Obama does. They might get help???? hahaha

 

[SilverStone05]

Wait and see what Obama does. They might get help???? hahaha

Right...those crooked credit card companies FORCED them to run up their cards!!!! Obama to the rescue. Watch your wallets everyone...first its their mortgages, now their healthcare, whats next....their credit cards?

 

[Ski_Banker]

How the hell did this even come about? Did they start invoicing you for family dinners or something? Unreal.

I'll be a little harsh, since shock treatment and the 5 step program is what you need.

Step 1. Admit that you are a sucker
Step 2. Give all the free advice that the family/gf need, and a helping hand
Step 3. Buy some flowers and then have The Big Finances Talk with the gf

(end relationship or proceed to step 4 as necessary)

Step 4. Consult a lawyer about a pre-nup with language so that when the new inlaws start to suck you dry, you have an out that leaves you with at least your shirt and the dog

Step 5. Buy some more flowers, present the pre-nup, videotape the fireworks

 

[tsanhd]

suck for you bro

 

[Alleykat]

Wait and see what Obama does. They might get help???? hahaha

 

[DubaiRich]

Pics of GF...just to make sure it's worth what you will be going through later on!!!

 

[peiserg]

Perhaps they are related to this lady:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P36x8rTb3jI

 

[swbatte]

Perhaps they are related to this lady:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P36x8rTb3jI

Ya, it all comes down to "If I can't pay for it, or go to work, then the government or someone else will pay." That means us poor saps who bust our asses and work hard have to pay for them. That pisses me off!

Government $ = Taxpayer $ = My Damn $

 

[steveny]

Ya, it all comes down to "If I can't pay for it, or go to work, then the government or someone else will pay." That means us poor saps who bust our asses and work hard have to pay for them. That pisses me off!

Government $ = Taxpayer $ = My Damn $

and as you see from my post above...if I pay the bills I make the rules and someone better be ready when I need them. Same goes for people on welfare. They need to know WE pay for their bills and they better be ready to accept it. If they aren't willing to work then they can and will be looked down on AND can have nothing say about it. You want pride MFer, GET A DAMN JOB!! Oh but they have pride living off the system but walking around with their nose in the air like their shit doesn't stink. I am so tired of it.

Like one of the prime members I talked to by phone last night who had never seen these type of people before. He was cleaning out a property in California. He says the people are just a bit above animals. He saw it with his own eyes and picked up someone elses mess with his own hands. All you guys who don't get it, don't get it because you are living in a bubble and have never seen outside the bubble. There is a huge class of people in this country that are a drain on the rest of us.

Back on topic and what I would say to the OP if I were talking to him face to face.

How long have you been seeing this girl? If the answer is a year or less.... Is she f--ing you to help her parents bills get paid? If the answer is is one to 30 years, pay them but make sure they do in return for you OR take some of their belongings until you are paid back. If they won't let you take their tv to your house than you are being played because they are not planning on keeping you around as long as they would like to keep their TV.

 

[SilverOne]

I didn't see from the original post on what GF's perspective is? Is she expecting you to help her parents unconditionally? Walking into a marriage with her family not being financially responsible has a huge impact on your own family later on. There are lots of good advice above that I'd seriously consider.

 

[DutchBlackNsx]

At this point i'm intersted WHY they are in financial problems, wtf have they done.
How long have you known the girl before the money thing came on?

These questions seem rather relevant to me concerning the advise in this thread so far.

BTW, i'm a 40 year old guy, with a 25 year old GF, i'm always looking for signs.

 

[kastle]

No piece of ass is worth headaches (including marriage) unless they are worth, fiscally, more then you and their family is loaded. As this is obviously not the case, I suggest :

1) Have sex with her;
2) Wish her and her family the best of luck in solving their own problems;
3) Walk away;
4) Find chick without family baggage;
5) Rinse and repeat as necessary

I know it's harsh, but once you stop thinking like a pussy you start acting like a man.

 

[sahtt]

I know it's harsh, but once you stop thinking like a pussy you start acting like a man.

Go ahead and write that down.

 

[Big_D]

I think this thread is getting out of hand here. The OP is asking for some friendly advice not insults. Show some respect.

A similar situation is happening with my Mom and Brother. Her husband passed and she didnt want to live alone. My brother took her in but in the process drained her bank account by adding onto his house and buying an expensive truck. He eventually lost his job and they were constantly calling me asking me to send money. I sent them some money a couple of times. My sister has also. The last time they asked for money I told them I am sorry but I have my own bills that I need to pay for and I need to save money for a rainy day. I suggested that maybe they should sell that fancy truck my brother drives to get them by while he looks for work. My mother won't ask him to do that. So everytime I hear about their money ptoblems I simply reiterate the advice I gave them...sell that damn truck!

Tough Love!!!

 

[pvmike]

No HELOC. Home equity lines of credit are recourse loans, meaning the lender can come after you for any shortfall. Regular home loans are non-recourse loans, so the lender's remedy must come from the sale of the home and not you personally. Besides, the last thing they need is another option to create more debt.

Since they're obviously not good with debt, I'd try to structure a cashout refi at a good rate. Rates are low right now, so they may be able to pay off their debt without having to increase their monthly mortgage payment. And I'd make sure that the money didn't come back out of the refi into their accounts, since they'll likely use only a portion of it to pay off debt and will simply spend the rest. Instead, make sure escrow pays off their cards with the proceeds.

and as you see from my post above...if I pay the bills I make the rules and someone better be ready when I need them. Same goes for people on welfare. They need to know WE pay for their bills and they better be ready to accept it. If they aren't willing to work then they can and will be looked down on AND can have nothing say about it. You want pride MFer, GET A DAMN JOB!! Oh but they have pride living off the system but walking around with their nose in the air like their shit doesn't stink. I am so tired of it.

Like one of the prime members I talked to by phone last night who had never seen these type of people before. He was cleaning out a property in California. He says the people are just a bit above animals. He saw it with his own eyes and picked up someone elses mess with his own hands. All you guys who don't get it, don't get it because you are living in a bubble and have never seen outside the bubble. There is a huge class of people in this country that are a drain on the rest of us.

Back on topic and what I would say to the OP if I were talking to him face to face.

How long have you been seeing this girl? If the answer is a year or less.... Is she f--ing you to help her parents bills get paid? If the answer is is one to 30 years, pay them but make sure they do in return for you OR take some of their belongings until you are paid back. If they won't let you take their tv to your house than you are being played because they are not planning on keeping you around as long as they would like to keep their TV.

Steve, I came to the realization that the squatters who destoyed that rental property live at a level beneath my pets. The only difference is they shit in a toilet.

 

[passline]

Perhaps they are related to this lady:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P36x8rTb3jI

The campaign promise was kept. "We are getting CHANGE!"

One small problem, that's all we'll have left in our pockets after taxes....change.

 

[flaminio]

I think this thread is getting out of hand here. The OP is asking for some friendly advice not insults. Show some respect.
:
:
Tough Love!!!

Tough love is exactly what some of the posters are giving the OP. He doesn't have to take the advice, but he should hear it. There's a lot of truth in the harshness.

 

[Matt_337]

I'd really like to hear the OP post some more details about the whole situation and answer some of the questions others have chimed in with but some of the posts may have scared him off from posting.

I'm just curious as to what the gf says in all of this. If she really was a keeper, she wouldn't have accepted your money. I had a gf that was starting a business on her own when we were dating and she ran into some issues so I let her use one of my cc's to buy inventory. I was thinking...sure, why not. I get miles out of it. Well, shortly after, we broke up and she had ran the card up to $16k.

At least my story ended up ok. It took her a while but she paid it off.

 

[Vega$ NSX]