Before Wedding:
During Marriage:
Divorce:
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Be honest, do you married guys like being married?
- Thread starter BATMANs
- Start date
Before Wedding:
During Marriage:
Divorce:
I love being married.
I love being divorced.:biggrin:
lol. +1
I was married at 24 because my GF was 9 months pregnant, we were married 7 years but stayed close friends after the divorce in 1989 and raised our daughter properly. I've been very happily single up until Jan 08. My wife is the absolute best person I know. "BUT", raising someone else's kids can be very stressful after being single so long. My daughter is raised and on her own. If I'm ever single again I will never and I mean never marry again. I was never unhappy one day of my single life.
Love being married. I think my situation is a bit different than most people though.
As for raising someone else's children I would never do it. I dated lots of women with children from other relationships and I was dating them for one thing and one thing only. I would never marry someone who already has children unless they were grown and out of the house. It make me want to stay healthy as I don't want anyone else raising my daughter.
Renee and I get along very well and don't argue at all, in fact we have lots of fun. She puts no demands on me and I put none on her. We share everything without forcing each other to do so. If there is one "insert food item" left and it's 11 at night I will be more happy to see her have it then to eat it myself. If I tell her I am having a bad day she says what can I do to take some stress off you? If I have been out all day and call her on the way home to let her know I am coming she will fill the Jacuzzi for me and have it ready when I get here. She know me backwards and forwards and I know her the same way. We have lots of fun together.
Her parents have been together for ~40 years. I get along great with mother and father. She gets along great with my mother. Renee is like have a best friend. We have a lot of fun together.
As for raising someone else's children I would never do it. I dated lots of women with children from other relationships and I was dating them for one thing and one thing only. I would never marry someone who already has children unless they were grown and out of the house. It make me want to stay healthy as I don't want anyone else raising my daughter.
Renee and I get along very well and don't argue at all, in fact we have lots of fun. She puts no demands on me and I put none on her. We share everything without forcing each other to do so. If there is one "insert food item" left and it's 11 at night I will be more happy to see her have it then to eat it myself. If I tell her I am having a bad day she says what can I do to take some stress off you? If I have been out all day and call her on the way home to let her know I am coming she will fill the Jacuzzi for me and have it ready when I get here. She know me backwards and forwards and I know her the same way. We have lots of fun together.
Her parents have been together for ~40 years. I get along great with mother and father. She gets along great with my mother. Renee is like have a best friend. We have a lot of fun together.
I love being married. Couldn't imagine life without my wife.
Those poor guys who are afraid of marriage - you haven't found the right person. When you know, you know. For those poor guys who are divorced - good thing you got rid of the wrong person.
Those poor guys who are afraid of marriage - you haven't found the right person. When you know, you know. For those poor guys who are divorced - good thing you got rid of the wrong person.
People come in many different configurations, some like to be alone and most seems do not...if you are happy being on your own then good for you.
But for most people that's not the case, however putting two people together that closely requires a constant amount of care and maintenance.
Steve seems to have been fortunate enough to find someone that he has few friction points with and that's great...makes life a lot easier and more fun.
I can speak from experience (10 years being married to a very strong willed person) that you really have to learn what's important to the other person if you expect them to respect and care for what's important to you.
I had to learn that taking care of things, IE remembering the trash goes out on Tuesdays or the kids have lessons on Thursday nights.... is sooo very important to her...in her mind if I forget these things it means I don't care about her or us.
As for me?....she could never remember to put in a load of laundry again and I wouldn't care...as long as she smiled at me and we "Shared our love" so to speak.
so I learned that if I was going to get what I wanted out of this I needed to give her what she wanted....if you do that and they don't return the effort?...well you are prolly not right for each other.
But to answer the question quickly?...I love my wife and yes I like being married
But for most people that's not the case, however putting two people together that closely requires a constant amount of care and maintenance.
Steve seems to have been fortunate enough to find someone that he has few friction points with and that's great...makes life a lot easier and more fun.
I can speak from experience (10 years being married to a very strong willed person) that you really have to learn what's important to the other person if you expect them to respect and care for what's important to you.
I had to learn that taking care of things, IE remembering the trash goes out on Tuesdays or the kids have lessons on Thursday nights.... is sooo very important to her...in her mind if I forget these things it means I don't care about her or us.
As for me?....she could never remember to put in a load of laundry again and I wouldn't care...as long as she smiled at me and we "Shared our love" so to speak.
so I learned that if I was going to get what I wanted out of this I needed to give her what she wanted....if you do that and they don't return the effort?...well you are prolly not right for each other.
But to answer the question quickly?...I love my wife and yes I like being married
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Both my mother and father are on their third respective marriages. You could argue that I grew up a bit jaded about the institution of marriage.
But I've been very happily married for 6.5 years now. Is it always perfect? Nope. But I consider myself truly blessed in my marriage and can honestly say that for me, it has been the best decision of my life.
But I've been very happily married for 6.5 years now. Is it always perfect? Nope. But I consider myself truly blessed in my marriage and can honestly say that for me, it has been the best decision of my life.
I have been married for 23 years, and was 20 when I married my wife.
We basically raised each other. Made some mistakes along the way, had our share of arguments, but never forgot we loved each other.
We started with absolutely nothing. Now we live a life most people only dream about.
She has gotten more beautiful (really!!) as she has gotten older. and now she is my best friend. I don't know that she could be replaced in my world.
Focus on each other and what you can do for each other, then you will have a happy marriage.
Marriage isn't 50%-50%, it's 100%-100%.
A successful marriage is a union of 2 good forgivers.
We basically raised each other. Made some mistakes along the way, had our share of arguments, but never forgot we loved each other.
We started with absolutely nothing. Now we live a life most people only dream about.
She has gotten more beautiful (really!!) as she has gotten older.
and now she is my best friend. I don't know that she could be replaced in my world.Focus on each other and what you can do for each other, then you will have a happy marriage.
Marriage isn't 50%-50%, it's 100%-100%.
A successful marriage is a union of 2 good forgivers.
Very good advice about not doing it young. It's so hard with all the temptation when you are young. I had a few long term relationships when I was younger and the temptation was hard to deal with.
great perspective!
in fact, there's an awful lot of wisdom on the +'s / -'s contained in this thread.
"For those poor guys who are divorced - good thing you got rid of the wrong person"
Yes a couple of them! Im happy single...
Yes a couple of them! Im happy single...
On a side note, I am very fortunate that I remained very good friends with my EX and her husband. I never had a reason to hate her. Life is soooo much better like that.:wink:
I got married young (21) but I was glad to get a great girl and settle down and get out of the dating game.
My wife is Hispanic so she has some fire in her but that's good as well as bad. She's a hard worker (harder working than I am, ultimately, I think) and I can trust her to hold up (and then some) her side of things. Also, her mom is on my side of things - she's old-school about being respectful to the husband.
My wife is more outgoing than I am (I'm more outgoing now that I've married her, actually) and I've settled her down a wee bit, so we've balanced each other out nicely. Really, we've improved each other in the big picture and that makes the relationship work better as well.
We have two great kids and a bright future ahead of us. I like the idea of sharing it a whole lot better than doing it all alone.
If I wasn't married, I'd have a few nicer toys but I think I'd be bored and somewhat unfulfilled, I think. I love having purpose to be at work (aside from just personal satisfaction or drive) and I like having someone to greet me when I get home. I wouldn't change it for the world.
My wife is Hispanic so she has some fire in her but that's good as well as bad. She's a hard worker (harder working than I am, ultimately, I think) and I can trust her to hold up (and then some) her side of things. Also, her mom is on my side of things - she's old-school about being respectful to the husband.
My wife is more outgoing than I am (I'm more outgoing now that I've married her, actually) and I've settled her down a wee bit, so we've balanced each other out nicely. Really, we've improved each other in the big picture and that makes the relationship work better as well.
We have two great kids and a bright future ahead of us. I like the idea of sharing it a whole lot better than doing it all alone.
If I wasn't married, I'd have a few nicer toys but I think I'd be bored and somewhat unfulfilled, I think. I love having purpose to be at work (aside from just personal satisfaction or drive) and I like having someone to greet me when I get home. I wouldn't change it for the world.
Honestly? Yes.
What do you expect us to say? If we didn't like being married, we wouldn't be married. It isn't like Divorce is taboo anymore.
P
What do you expect us to say? If we didn't like being married, we wouldn't be married. It isn't like Divorce is taboo anymore.
P
Not all true. I have a few friends that are miserablely married but would rather be married and miserable than be alone. But these are people that were married very young and have no clue of being single and independent. IMHO that is the wrong reason to stay married.
Just like money buys a higher level of misery, getting married will bring you a lower level of loneliness if you weren't happy to begin with.
My reaction to that is that I find it sad. As a previously divorced guy who is now happily remarried I would advise that person to seek some counsel. That is what it is there for.
In context to the post- I don't think anyone who was in that sort of miserable situation would actually post it on a web board.
I could be wrong, but somehow I just don't see someone posting
Al Bundy said:
even though I agree that situation happens, I doubt you will see it discussed here beyond a third party (like yourself) telling of someone elses tale of woe.
So I ask again: What does the OP expect us to say?
So far I have seen guys who love being married, guys who love being single, and guys who love being divorced. Everyone wants to tell us what makes them happy but very few (if any) would come out to tell us what makes them miserable.
P
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I know this post will get me in trouble but here it goes:
While you are single, the biggest mistake you can make it to focus all your energy on one woman only. If you are single, you need to have many women in your life. Yes, you can give priority to one over another, but pouring all your energy into one is a mistake. Typicaly, a lot of guys do just this and they wind up marrying the one they have this "investment" in. "Do I really want to do this all over again?" is a very common question they ask themselves pre-marriage. The issue for many single guys is that they lack the skill and knowledge as to how to attract and handle a lot of women, and so they do what they do. This is a learned skill. It doesn't have to do with how tall you are or how much money you have. It is a skill your dad doesn't teach you nor does anyone in school. It is a critical skill that most guys do not even know about, until they meet someone who is truly skilled. It is an eye opening experience.
Nothing wrong with marriage. You can't run around forever. There is a time when you will prefer to take a more settled route. That time comes much sooner for women than men. A woman needs to really have her future secured sometime no later than her 30's. A man's time limit comes much later. It is about the ability to find and secure a proper mate. A man can be attractive to many women well into his 50's even. Most men that are able to secure attractive young women while they are 40, 50, 60, do. Michael Douglas. Donald Trump.... many others.
The decision of marriage when coming from a place of abundance is different than the decision of marriage based on various fears. Marriage that does not come from the place of abundance will be more taxing on the individual. Many of the same skills that I spoke of earlier that help attract and keep multiple women in your life when single, still apply in marriage. If you never learned them, you will have a harder time.
Many guys pour an immense amount of energy into keeping a good marriage. Nothing wrong with that, and in a way almost admirable. But they don't realize it can be a lot easier than it is.
A while back I said that if you always listen to a woman, she will eventually create a boring relationship between the two of you. Then she will blame you for being boring, and eventually want to get rid of you. A lot of guys think it is all about compromise and give... but if you are one that gives all the time, your mate is slowly losing her attraction for you. Many men dread a woman's anger for example, but it is a necessary component that will appear at times. What may bring some short term discomfort is actually better long term. As an example, a woman finds out that you spent some time with another woman. The initial reaction is always anger. Most guys believe that here they are losing points, that they are losing her attraction and love, when quite the opposite is true. A woman will find you more attractive when you are attractive to other women. She may deny you sex for the night, but later on she will have a greater level of attraction for you. She will never verbalize any of this, because it is not happening on a concious level. Even she is not aware of it. This is why getting advice on women from women is a bad idea. They can only tell you about what they feel on a concious level.
A good marriage in my opinion requires long term attraction, not just a level of comfort. If you are the kind of guy that tried to create attraction by buying flowers and being a gentleman when single, you will continue to do the same things when married. If you didn't understand the basic principles of attraction and emotion when you were single, you probably haven't understood them after marriage either.
You are asking "do you guys like being married", but the answer to that question has a lot less to do with marriage than it does with the understanding of women that the guy has to begin with. If he has a high level of understanding, then he will be happy, married or single. If he doesn't, then he will be miserable either way.
There is a dillema that many women find themselves caught in. The circuitry in their brain tells them that they must mate with the most attractive male and bring about the highest quality offspring, but they also need that attractive male to stay put and not leave, thereby decreasing the chances of the offspring's survival. This is the knight in shining armor story. They want the male that can have any woman, but chooses her for some unique quality about her. The dillema is there, because the attractive male has a choice of many women, and most likely will not stick around because his brain circuitry tells him to mate with as many attractive women as possible. So what happens? Most women will have sex with the attractive male, but marry the one they believe they can count on sticking around. Even after marriage, that raw draw to the attractive male often causes cheating and infedility.
What women find attractive in men, and what men think women find attractive in men are two different things. So the few men that know the secret, the ones that know exactly what women find attractive (which as I said even the women don't know on a concious level) sleep with most of the women. I think the last statistic I read is that 90% of women sleep with 10% of the men. The other 90% of men are really not getting their share. It is because they lack the skill that I spoke about earlier in this post, the skill that is also critical to happiness within marriage.
While you are single, the biggest mistake you can make it to focus all your energy on one woman only. If you are single, you need to have many women in your life. Yes, you can give priority to one over another, but pouring all your energy into one is a mistake. Typicaly, a lot of guys do just this and they wind up marrying the one they have this "investment" in. "Do I really want to do this all over again?" is a very common question they ask themselves pre-marriage. The issue for many single guys is that they lack the skill and knowledge as to how to attract and handle a lot of women, and so they do what they do. This is a learned skill. It doesn't have to do with how tall you are or how much money you have. It is a skill your dad doesn't teach you nor does anyone in school. It is a critical skill that most guys do not even know about, until they meet someone who is truly skilled. It is an eye opening experience.
Nothing wrong with marriage. You can't run around forever. There is a time when you will prefer to take a more settled route. That time comes much sooner for women than men. A woman needs to really have her future secured sometime no later than her 30's. A man's time limit comes much later. It is about the ability to find and secure a proper mate. A man can be attractive to many women well into his 50's even. Most men that are able to secure attractive young women while they are 40, 50, 60, do. Michael Douglas. Donald Trump.... many others.
The decision of marriage when coming from a place of abundance is different than the decision of marriage based on various fears. Marriage that does not come from the place of abundance will be more taxing on the individual. Many of the same skills that I spoke of earlier that help attract and keep multiple women in your life when single, still apply in marriage. If you never learned them, you will have a harder time.
Many guys pour an immense amount of energy into keeping a good marriage. Nothing wrong with that, and in a way almost admirable. But they don't realize it can be a lot easier than it is.
A while back I said that if you always listen to a woman, she will eventually create a boring relationship between the two of you. Then she will blame you for being boring, and eventually want to get rid of you. A lot of guys think it is all about compromise and give... but if you are one that gives all the time, your mate is slowly losing her attraction for you. Many men dread a woman's anger for example, but it is a necessary component that will appear at times. What may bring some short term discomfort is actually better long term. As an example, a woman finds out that you spent some time with another woman. The initial reaction is always anger. Most guys believe that here they are losing points, that they are losing her attraction and love, when quite the opposite is true. A woman will find you more attractive when you are attractive to other women. She may deny you sex for the night, but later on she will have a greater level of attraction for you. She will never verbalize any of this, because it is not happening on a concious level. Even she is not aware of it. This is why getting advice on women from women is a bad idea. They can only tell you about what they feel on a concious level.
A good marriage in my opinion requires long term attraction, not just a level of comfort. If you are the kind of guy that tried to create attraction by buying flowers and being a gentleman when single, you will continue to do the same things when married. If you didn't understand the basic principles of attraction and emotion when you were single, you probably haven't understood them after marriage either.
You are asking "do you guys like being married", but the answer to that question has a lot less to do with marriage than it does with the understanding of women that the guy has to begin with. If he has a high level of understanding, then he will be happy, married or single. If he doesn't, then he will be miserable either way.
There is a dillema that many women find themselves caught in. The circuitry in their brain tells them that they must mate with the most attractive male and bring about the highest quality offspring, but they also need that attractive male to stay put and not leave, thereby decreasing the chances of the offspring's survival. This is the knight in shining armor story. They want the male that can have any woman, but chooses her for some unique quality about her. The dillema is there, because the attractive male has a choice of many women, and most likely will not stick around because his brain circuitry tells him to mate with as many attractive women as possible. So what happens? Most women will have sex with the attractive male, but marry the one they believe they can count on sticking around. Even after marriage, that raw draw to the attractive male often causes cheating and infedility.
What women find attractive in men, and what men think women find attractive in men are two different things. So the few men that know the secret, the ones that know exactly what women find attractive (which as I said even the women don't know on a concious level) sleep with most of the women. I think the last statistic I read is that 90% of women sleep with 10% of the men. The other 90% of men are really not getting their share. It is because they lack the skill that I spoke about earlier in this post, the skill that is also critical to happiness within marriage.
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I couldnt have described my marriage any better.
My only bit of advice to those single guys is "marry a friend".
To the OP I dont think you asked this question with serious intent since you posted all the pics with your post. Those pics are for the ignorant single men who know nothing about a good marriage and will probably never have one......you cant go into it with a bad attitude.....
I remember when I announced to everyone at work that I was getting married. I got all the usual/expected BS about how my life was ending....I wasnt gonna get any more sex...blah...blah...blah. I finally got sick of it and told them all if their marriages were so unhappy why dont they all get divorces tomorrow..........I didnt here much after that........lesson is some guys for some strange reason always want to say bad things about marriage but they are actually happy to be married......its crazy....I guess they think its just "Cool" to trash the idea of marriage and dont want to be the one guy who stands up and says he is happy to be married.
Clearly we have some indivduals on this board who are above these silly high school antics.
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BINGO Dave!
I have been married and I am currently single. I really prefer to be single, but that's just me. I date a fair number of women and I prefer that type of lifestyle. I have no desire for a long term relationship or marriage. To be really honest, I date a lot of extremely good looking women that are much younger than me. I find it interesting that I get a lot of nasty looks from younger guys and older women.
Here is how and why I've come to this conclusion...
When I was going through my protracted divorce (over two years with no children, only money and material things), I asked my attorney if I could date. She said of course I could. Well my first date was a blind date so I arranged to meet at Starbucks for just a cup of coffee in case she didn't like me, or I didn't like her. Worst thing that could happen is we have a cup of coffee. Ten minutes and we're out of there.
Pull up in the NSX. She comes out of Starbucks and starts asking me all types of questions about the car. No, not performance, more like costs. She ends up at my house and then starts asking about my art collection. No, not the artists, the costs. Thought she was going to put on a green plastic visor and pull out a calculator.
Another chick I saw for two dates called me and asked if I could buy her a car.
So I am sitting in my family room telling my buddies about this. My one buddy said, "You know what. You're not a bad looking guy. You've lived all around the world. You can tell some great stories and you're pretty sophisticated when you want to be. You have a fair amount of money and are able to live the life you want. So, that being said, you will never know if a woman wants to be with you because of what you can provide her, or because she wants to be with you."
Well, my response was, "That's a bummer."
To which my other buddy (a Prime member) said, "If you're having a good time, who cares?"
So...that's me.
Life is wonderful.
baynsac
Guest
I love being married(I found the perfect match for me). I wouldn't recommend it to others though...lol.. Its rare that I see other couples that get along as well as us thats why I say that. She lets me do anything and everything I want to do. I got married a little young at 24 and she never made me feel like I need to miss out on anything I would do if I wasn't married. Including vacations with my guy and girl friends (yes I get to stay friends with all of them including ex's), alone, etc. I can spend as I please, I can stay out as long as I please, I can do without getting questioned about anything I please to do.
But I made sure I found the person who would be ok with this. Some girls are very insecure so that doesn't help if you are very out going. My lady thinks there is no one better than her (she's right) and acts like it too. She knows in the end I will always come back home....like a good doggy/Lion lol...She is beautifull, has a good head on her shoulders, and loves to take care of me. So I don't consider my self married (just live with my best friend) as I have way more rights than my guy friends with thier girlfriends...
But I made sure I found the person who would be ok with this. Some girls are very insecure so that doesn't help if you are very out going. My lady thinks there is no one better than her (she's right) and acts like it too. She knows in the end I will always come back home....like a good doggy/Lion lol...She is beautifull, has a good head on her shoulders, and loves to take care of me. So I don't consider my self married (just live with my best friend) as I have way more rights than my guy friends with thier girlfriends...
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