Be honest, do you married guys like being married?

[Jetpilot3]

There's a Prime member here with a yellow NSX - Slamstrom? and on his signature it states:

Remember that a successful marriage depends on two things:
1) finding the right person and
2) being the right person.

I completely agree. I was married at 24 and thought I'd be with my ex for the rest of my life then we split up and divorced (complete surprise to me unfortunately :frown.

I'm now engaged to a wonderful woman and couldn't be happier:biggrin:Our planned wedding date is October 3rd 2009 in Toronto and hopefully around the same weekend as NSXPO 09 also in Toronto!

 

[SilverStone05]

Nice post, Dave.

www.laddertheory.com

Some tips on dating:

A positive attitude and smile go MUCH farther than cash and looks.

Cash and looks don't hurt.

Dating is so much more effective and fun when you don't give a damn.


Being single is awesome until 1 of two things happen:

You go to a club and you've banged every girl there,
-or-
You find the exception to all the rules.

P.S. The engagement ring I ordered from Bluenile just got here today. :wink:

 

[ChongLee]

Yes, I like being married.

 

[jimbonuttz]

Yeah not all of us are straight pimp status like you guys though . Maybe we need an official prime dating advice thread :tongue:

I will self volunteer my services (like the movie Hitch) to anyone who may need advice on the opposite sex and how you can get them to give you a chance

I'm not saying in any way that I can get any girl in the world or that I'm the best guy in the world but I have dealt with my share of ladies and have learned what to say,when to say it, and when to be patience... ask some of the Bay Area Prime members and they can vouch for me lol.

There's a difference from getting girls and getting quality girls...

:biggrin:

 

[slamstrom]

There's a Prime member here with a yellow NSX - Slamstrom? and on his signature it states:

Remember that a successful marriage depends on two things:
1) finding the right person and
2) being the right person.

I completely agree. I was married at 24 and thought I'd be with my ex for the rest of my life then we split up and divorced (complete surprise to me unfortunately :frown.

I'm now engaged to a wonderful woman and couldn't be happier:biggrin:Our planned wedding date is October 3rd 2009 in Toronto and hopefully around the same weekend as NSXPO 09 also in Toronto!

That's me. Married for 14+ years (first marriage). Couldn't be happier. My wife makes me a better person. I've been humbled by her.:smile: It's not all about me.

 

[baynsac]

LOL. You guys funny....lol:biggrin:
If you can't swim just because you watch me swim or I tell you what to do, you won't automatically learn it. Get in the water and paddle and you will figure out how to stay upfloat and not drown. After a while, more and more experience you gain the better you will do. Instead of just staying upfloat you will get confidence to start racing to the end if the ocean. There no getting around this step just like in anything else in life more experience will make you better and more of a pro at whatever you do.(racing, girls, basketball,school,etc,etc) All I can say is practice makes perfect...If you are afriad to jump in the water no matter what anyone tells you before you jump in you still have to do it yourself once you are in. Be the person you want to be and let them fall in your lap. Be confident, be your self, and learn how to get what you want out of them. Lot of guys can get girls in quantity and quality but who gets the best of the other is what matters. I know so many girls that are just with thier guy because he will do whatever they want. GIRLS don't respect that kind of person at all. They use em and go out with me on the side:tongue:. I don't even think I am making sense anymore lol..should of used a different anology than the swimming thing..lol

I will self volunteer my services (like the movie Hitch) to anyone who may need advice on the opposite sex and how you can get them to give you a chance

I'm not saying in any way that I can get any girl in the world or that I'm the best guy in the world but I have dealt with my share of ladies and have learned what to say,when to say it, and when to be patience... ask some of the Bay Area Prime members and they can vouch for me lol.

There's a difference from getting girls and getting quality girls...

:biggrin:

 

[Ski_Banker]

repost. Lots of + and - responses in this thread too.

http://www.nsxprime.com/forums/showthread.php?t=97711&highlight=married

 

[mickeylex]

... ask some of the Bay Area Prime members and they can vouch for me lol.
:biggrin:

The first step in your program will be getting your students to become experts with DDR (Dance Dance Revolution). :biggrin::tongue:

 

[NSXAMG996TT]

"Never trust a big butt and a smile," Bell Biv Deveo

 

[Mike-san]

I know this post will get me in trouble but here it goes:

While you are single, the biggest mistake you can make it to focus all your energy on one woman only. If you are single, you need to have many women in your life. Yes, you can give priority to one over another, but pouring all your energy into one is a mistake. Typicaly, a lot of guys do just this and they wind up marrying the one they have this "investment" in. "Do I really want to do this all over again?" is a very common question they ask themselves pre-marriage. The issue for many single guys is that they lack the skill and knowledge as to how to attract and handle a lot of women, and so they do what they do. This is a learned skill. It doesn't have to do with how tall you are or how much money you have. It is a skill your dad doesn't teach you nor does anyone in school. It is a critical skill that most guys do not even know about, until they meet someone who is truly skilled. It is an eye opening experience.

Nothing wrong with marriage. You can't run around forever. There is a time when you will prefer to take a more settled route. That time comes much sooner for women than men. A woman needs to really have her future secured sometime no later than her 30's. A man's time limit comes much later. It is about the ability to find and secure a proper mate. A man can be attractive to many women well into his 50's even. Most men that are able to secure attractive young women while they are 40, 50, 60, do. Michael Douglas. Donald Trump.... many others.

The decision of marriage when coming from a place of abundance is different than the decision of marriage based on various fears. Marriage that does not come from the place of abundance will be more taxing on the individual. Many of the same skills that I spoke of earlier that help attract and keep multiple women in your life when single, still apply in marriage. If you never learned them, you will have a harder time.

Many guys pour an immense amount of energy into keeping a good marriage. Nothing wrong with that, and in a way almost admirable. But they don't realize it can be a lot easier than it is.

A while back I said that if you always listen to a woman, she will eventually create a boring relationship between the two of you. Then she will blame you for being boring, and eventually want to get rid of you. A lot of guys think it is all about compromise and give... but if you are one that gives all the time, your mate is slowly losing her attraction for you. Many men dread a woman's anger for example, but it is a necessary component that will appear at times. What may bring some short term discomfort is actually better long term. As an example, a woman finds out that you spent some time with another woman. The initial reaction is always anger. Most guys believe that here they are losing points, that they are losing her attraction and love, when quite the opposite is true. A woman will find you more attractive when you are attractive to other women. She may deny you sex for the night, but later on she will have a greater level of attraction for you. She will never verbalize any of this, because it is not happening on a concious level. Even she is not aware of it. This is why getting advice on women from women is a bad idea. They can only tell you about what they feel on a concious level.

A good marriage in my opinion requires long term attraction, not just a level of comfort. If you are the kind of guy that tried to create attraction by buying flowers and being a gentleman when single, you will continue to do the same things when married. If you didn't understand the basic principles of attraction and emotion when you were single, you probably haven't understood them after marriage either.

You are asking "do you guys like being married", but the answer to that question has a lot less to do with marriage than it does with the understanding of women that the guy has to begin with. If he has a high level of understanding, then he will be happy, married or single. If he doesn't, then he will be miserable either way.

There is a dillema that many women find themselves caught in. The circuitry in their brain tells them that they must mate with the most attractive male and bring about the highest quality offspring, but they also need that attractive male to stay put and not leave, thereby decreasing the chances of the offspring's survival. This is the knight in shining armor story. They want the male that can have any woman, but chooses her for some unique quality about her. The dillema is there, because the attractive male has a choice of many women, and most likely will not stick around because his brain circuitry tells him to mate with as many attractive women as possible. So what happens? Most women will have sex with the attractive male, but marry the one they believe they can count on sticking around. Even after marriage, that raw draw to the attractive male often causes cheating and infedility.

What women find attractive in men, and what men think women find attractive in men are two different things. So the few men that know the secret, the ones that know exactly what women find attractive (which as I said even the women don't know on a concious level) sleep with most of the women. I think the last statistic I read is that 90% of women sleep with 10% of the men. The other 90% of men are really not getting their share. It is because they lack the skill that I spoke about earlier in this post, the skill that is also critical to happiness within marriage.

Post of the year !!!

 

[jimbonuttz]

The first step in your program will be getting your students to become experts with DDR (Dance Dance Revolution). :biggrin::tongue:

lol that can not be taught! you must be born with the dancing gene!

 

[jimbonuttz]

LOL. You guys funny....lol:biggrin:
If you can't swim just because you watch me swim or I tell you what to do, you won't automatically learn it. Get in the water and paddle and you will figure out how to stay upfloat and not drown. After a while, more and more experience you gain the better you will do. Instead of just staying upfloat you will get confidence to start racing to the end if the ocean. There no getting around this step just like in anything else in life more experience will make you better and more of a pro at whatever you do.(racing, girls, basketball,school,etc,etc) All I can say is practice makes perfect...If you are afriad to jump in the water no matter what anyone tells you before you jump in you still have to do it yourself once you are in. Be the person you want to be and let them fall in your lap. Be confident, be your self, and learn how to get what you want out of them. Lot of guys can get girls in quantity and quality but who gets the best of the other is what matters. I know so many girls that are just with thier guy because he will do whatever they want. GIRLS don't respect that kind of person at all. They use em and go out with me on the side:tongue:. I don't even think I am making sense anymore lol..should of used a different anology than the swimming thing..lol

That's true and I do agree that you do need to just suck it up and take a chance and get out there and get the experience but getting some helpful tips from others who have experienced it will definitely help out...

for instance i do muay thai kickboxing and i see a lot of new people come and go...and i can tell someone to do a muay thai kick and they can do it over and over and over and if their doing it wrong the first time more than likely they'll repeat it again, so with some helpful instructions on how to properly do it, they can learn to do it the correct way.

however with this type of social stuff there's no real right or wrong way of doing things or how to approach a girl, all i can do is give some tips and examples and hopefully they can take the positive stuff out of what i say and use it in their own personal life and future endeavors :biggrin:

 

[TURBO2GO]

This thread is taking a turn now but...

Here are two pieces of common bad advice for a guy trying to learn to be better in meeting and dating women:

1) Be yourself
2) Be confident

It is absolutely useless advice IMO.

 

[TURBO2GO]

however with this type of social stuff there's no real right or wrong way of doing things or how to approach a girl,

I have to disagree Jimo, I think there is definitely a right and wrong way. Well... a few right ways and many many wrong ways.

 

[steveny]

This thread is taking a turn now but...

Here are two pieces of common bad advice for a guy trying to learn to be better in meeting and dating women:

1) Be yourself
2) Be confident

It is absolutely useless advice IMO.

especially if you don't want to see her again don't be yourself use an alias.

 

[GreyHoundSteve]

This thread is taking a turn now but...

Here are two pieces of common bad advice for a guy trying to learn to be better in meeting and dating women:

1) Be yourself
2) Be confident

It is absolutely useless advice IMO.

The first one might be (depending on who you really are) but #2 always worked for me. I don't know what kind of women go for insecure dudes who ooze self doubt?

 

[vtecNSX1]

The first one might be (depending on who you really are) but #2 always worked for me. I don't know what kind of women go for insecure dudes who ooze self doubt?

I think what he means is that the advice "Be confident" is useless. You cant just one day decide to become confident.

 

[slurpee]

Before I got married I thought the married jokes which just jokes...then once I got married I realized some come true!!

such as...

why does the bride smile when she's walking down the aisle?

and

everytime you have sex, put a quarter in the jar, after 5 years, take a quarter out of the jar everytime you have sex ....guess what...the jar never gets empty!!

 

[TURBO2GO]

especially if you don't want to see her again don't be yourself use an alias.

hahahaha great advice Steve

I think what he means is that the advice "Be confident" is useless. You cant just one day decide to become confident.

Exactly. You cannot have confidence without first and foremost having the right tools... then applying those tools and having your success rate increase. These tools are what few guys know about, let alone have. The guys that are "good" and do things naturaly, are still doing it haphazardly. Something works or doesn't work, but they don't know why.

One of the biggest mistakes I made and I think a lot of other guys make is that they get into a relationship or a marriage but never realize the importance of having their mate continously be attracted to them. The guys with the most successful marriages or relationships have this. The day it dissapears is the day that cracks start to appear. Have you ever looked at your father, and wondered if he has forgotten that your mother is still a woman? Not just a long term companion, a friend of life, a love, but also a woman?

No one teaches you the science of attraction. When you are young and single it keeps you from being much more successful with women (no matter your level of success), and when you are married it becomes even more devestating the day your wife says "Honey I am no longer in love with you". It also makes certain guys not have any success at all, and settle with the first woman that gives them any attention at all. Then they give her all they have, their time, heart, soul, it's quite admirable really... but they will still fail 50% of the time. Sometimes with kids in the picture. You go to school and you learn math and engineering, your dad will teach you how to throw a softball, and you grow up not only without the correct concepts of attraction but the WRONG ones. And so you go and workout for years at the gym, you take bad advice like "be yourself", or you buy an NSX thinking it attracts something other than guys. Yet you are still missing the key. This key that will make all your relationships so much smoother, more pleasant, and longer lasting (if you want them to be).

 

[TURBO2GO]

Before I got married I thought the married jokes which just jokes...then once I got married I realized some come true!!

such as...

why does the bride smile when she's walking down the aisle?

and

everytime you have sex, put a quarter in the jar, after 5 years, take a quarter out of the jar everytime you have sex ....guess what...the jar never gets empty!!

Slurpee I hope you can forgive me because I will use what you said just as an example because I hear this a lot. Lack of sex.... why does this happen? Why is it that many women after marriage decide that sex doesn't need to happen as often as it did? I am going to be very politicaly incorrect and say this... since this forum is almost all guys... it happens because 1) she feels she already "has" you, and no longer needs to try all that hard to keep you. and 2) Because she is probably not as physicaly attracted to you as she was a long time ago.

Before marriage, the door is still "open" as far as she is concerned. If you happen to be an attractive guy that many other women find desirable, she has to do what she needs to do to keep you. If she doesn't have any sex with you and another hot woman does, she is going to lose you. So she will not take that risk. Secondly, because she sees that others want you, that creates a sub-concious attraction inside her, and she just sees you as a more attractive man. Any man that is married or taken and meets other women can attest to the fact that women are more attracted to a man that one or more women want already. So what has gone wrong? This open door has closed by the marriage certificate. I am not judging or condemning this, I am just saying look deeply and you will see at least some truth here. If she fully felt that the door is still open, that there are still others, that sexual behavior will quickly change. I can guarantee it. I seriously doubt that if Angelina Jolie denied Brad Pitt sex, he would not wonder elsewhere. And I doubt she does that, because in her eyes he is a very high value male that can and will leave. They have a good sex life. I haven't seen any videos (let me know if you have), but I would bet on it.

This sort of joke above... where the man on the wedding cake has a leash around his neck or is kneeling and submitting his credit card... look a little deeper behind the joke and see the grain of truth.... if there was no truth, it would not be funny. This is the behavior of a male that has submitted. Guys will often say "oh let me ask the boss" or "I can't do that or I'll be sleeping on the couch tonight" and hahaha everyone laughs. If this is truly how the male behaves around his spouse, I can tell you she may love him, but she is not all that attracted to him. That is a recipie for eventual disaster. I personaly don't find these jokes funny and would never put up with them, but that's just me. If a guy is married... and he allows these jokes... and he still has a great sex life, it is because he is saying on thing (haha this joke is funny) but doing another in keeping her in serious check, despite her getting upset or angry. Another behavior women have without even relaizing it is that they are constantly testing a man to see where he will say no. Not just in marraige. Have you ever been at a bar, talked to a really hot girl, and she gives you a cold shoulder or acts all pouty? She is testing you. She wants to know how you will behave when criticized or ignored. Will you fold and walk away like most guys? This kind of behavior continues into marriage. Then she will test you, you will comply, and one result will be less sex. In the singles bar she will want to talk to the next guy, in marriage she will give you less sex.

 

[Big_D]

I think I might have to plead the 5th Ammendment on this one...:smile:

 

[nsxotic911]

I think marriage is like having an NSX It can be a heck of a lot fun and happiness, but it also has it's risk, and at times, I've never met anyone that hasn't had rough spots. I guess like an NSX, the more you respect it, the more it respects you

'This' culture and society however, makes it much easier for marriage to fail than in the past and it's much easier to be "me, me me first" than mutual-serving w/o expectations.
Statistically, married people report being 'happier' than the average single person, and have more sex. That alone should be a good motivator.

Probably the best thing you can do before being married, is invest in yourself. Economically, emotionally etc...
I tell people to do it, but first tyou have to be the right one before "looking" for the right one.

Also - how you treat your sisters, is how you will treat your wife, and sometimes worse.. how she treats her father, is probably how she will treat you, or at least what she'll expect. If she really likes a quality about her father, that expectations will be on you, if she doesn't like it etc.. If she talks bad about her own father, even if he is a bad person, I would run, not walk. Likewise, if you treat your siters bad... you have a lot of work to do.

If I can sum it up in one way, it's this, "If she's happy, you're happy."

 

[steveny]

I think marriage is like having an NSX It can be a heck of a lot fun and happiness, but it also has it's risk, and at times, I've never met anyone that hasn't had rough spots. I guess like an NSX, the more you respect it, the more it respects you

'This' culture and society however, makes it much easier for marriage to fail than in the past and it's much easier to be "me, me me first" than mutual-serving w/o expectations.
Statistically, married people report being 'happier' than the average single person, and have more sex. That alone should be a good motivator.

Probably the best thing you can do before being married, is invest in yourself. Economically, emotionally etc...
I tell people to do it, but first tyou have to be the right one before "looking" for the right one.

Also - how you treat your sisters, is how you will treat your wife, and sometimes worse.. how she treats her father, is probably how she will treat you, or at least what she'll expect. If she really likes a quality about her father, that expectations will be on you, if she doesn't like it etc.. If she talks bad about her own father, even if he is a bad person, I would run, not walk. Likewise, if you treat your siters bad... you have a lot of work to do.

If I can sum it up in one way, it's this, "If she's happy, you're happy."

These are really sharp observations especially the ones about how she treats her father. The same can be said about how a male treats his mother.

 

[docjohn]

Not this helps but if you are a "normal" dude who tries to be monogomous,trustworthy,reliable,responsible,in your marriage,just think your wife is going to have to be doing/thinking the same way,now how many guys here know for a fact that she is Truth be told after years of togetherness/kids/financial stress,both partners need to mentaly focus on fidelity/compromise.It is the ability to rationalize in your own mind that this marriage will work and not listen to your impulse/emotional swings that keeps couples together. The ability to resolve conflicts is way more important than starting them.This all assumes a traditional union,there are plenty of couples who have worked out other arrangements that work for them:wink:

 

[Dhalsim]

Slurpee I hope you can forgive me because I will use what you said just as an example because I hear this a lot. Lack of sex.... why does this happen? Why is it that many women after marriage decide that sex doesn't need to happen as often as it did? I am going to be very politicaly incorrect and say this... since this forum is almost all guys... it happens because 1) she feels she already "has" you, and no longer needs to try all that hard to keep you. and 2) Because she is probably not as physicaly attracted to you as she was a long time ago.

Before marriage, the door is still "open" as far as she is concerned. If you happen to be an attractive guy that many other women find desirable, she has to do what she needs to do to keep you. If she doesn't have any sex with you and another hot woman does, she is going to lose you. So she will not take that risk. Secondly, because she sees that others want you, that creates a sub-concious attraction inside her, and she just sees you as a more attractive man. Any man that is married or taken and meets other women can attest to the fact that women are more attracted to a man that one or more women want already. So what has gone wrong? This open door has closed by the marriage certificate. I am not judging or condemning this, I am just saying look deeply and you will see at least some truth here. If she fully felt that the door is still open, that there are still others, that sexual behavior will quickly change. I can guarantee it. I seriously doubt that if Angelina Jolie denied Brad Pitt sex, he would not wonder elsewhere. And I doubt she does that, because in her eyes he is a very high value male that can and will leave. They have a good sex life. I haven't seen any videos (let me know if you have), but I would bet on it.

This sort of joke above... where the man on the wedding cake has a leash around his neck or is kneeling and submitting his credit card... look a little deeper behind the joke and see the grain of truth.... if there was no truth, it would not be funny. This is the behavior of a male that has submitted. Guys will often say "oh let me ask the boss" or "I can't do that or I'll be sleeping on the couch tonight" and hahaha everyone laughs. If this is truly how the male behaves around his spouse, I can tell you she may love him, but she is not all that attracted to him. That is a recipie for eventual disaster. I personaly don't find these jokes funny and would never put up with them, but that's just me. If a guy is married... and he allows these jokes... and he still has a great sex life, it is because he is saying on thing (haha this joke is funny) but doing another in keeping her in serious check, despite her getting upset or angry. Another behavior women have without even relaizing it is that they are constantly testing a man to see where he will say no. Not just in marraige. Have you ever been at a bar, talked to a really hot girl, and she gives you a cold shoulder or acts all pouty? She is testing you. She wants to know how you will behave when criticized or ignored. Will you fold and walk away like most guys? This kind of behavior continues into marriage. Then she will test you, you will comply, and one result will be less sex. In the singles bar she will want to talk to the next guy, in marriage she will give you less sex.

WOW.....there are a lot of assumptions in this post. I dont agree with most of it but dont have time for a proper rebuttal.