"Not interested in having kids - who else feels this way?"

[LMR]

I would add that a decision to not have children is sort of like getting a tattoo. You will have to live with that decision for the rest of your life, and if you change your mind it may be too late or impossible to do anything about it.

The same can be said for having children except that if you change your mind it IS too late to do anything about it:wink:. There are too many people out there that regret it and the it's the children that end up paying the price:frown:.

 

[Tom239]

I've tried, but I never get pregnant.

 

[peiserg]

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:biggrin:

 

[hi0npsi]

I am 29 and she is 25. We were married a month ago. Met in college, been together 5 years + and have lived together the last 2+. Both were certain when we were younger that we wanted kids. As we've matured we've both realized how much we enjoy each other and really how little free time is available in life. If we get a good night's sleep, there's 4-5 hours after work to be together on weeknights plus the weekend. We can hardly fit in all the fun things we enjoy doing together as it is. We can't imagine being able to maintain any kind of workout schedule, have some free time and raise children properly. I honestly don't know how you guys do it. It's not like we love to hit the clubs or anything, we just enjoy doing things and going places together. We tend to hang out with couples that are a bit older than we are and all have kids ages 4-13. All have advised against having kids. As DINKs we enjoy financial security and lots of good things that many of our friends who produce similiar income, don't. We'd like to retire early. We also like being able to drop everything at a moment's notice and go somewhere, anywhere. If we were to raise children the mother-in-law has promised to move close by and take care of them every day, but I don't necessarily feel it's reasonable/intelligent to count on that. Day care is not an option to us. Subtract one income and add the cost of two kids and things change dramatically. Bye bye NSX, all other toys and any hope of early retirement. Maybe we're just selfish, but I think I'm OK with that.

 

[Steven Allen]

Nice to see that there are more and more posters who feel the way that I do.
I suspect that more will post.

 

[ANYTIME]

I am 29 and she is 25. We were married a month ago. Met in college, been together 5 years + and have lived together the last 2+. Both were certain when we were younger that we wanted kids. As we've matured we've both realized how much we enjoy each other and really how little free time is available in life. If we get a good night's sleep, there's 4-5 hours after work to be together on weeknights plus the weekend. We can hardly fit in all the fun things we enjoy doing together as it is. We can't imagine being able to maintain any kind of workout schedule, have some free time and raise children properly. I honestly don't know how you guys do it. It's not like we love to hit the clubs or anything, we just enjoy doing things and going places together. We tend to hang out with couples that are a bit older than we are and all have kids ages 4-13. All have advised against having kids. As DINKs we enjoy financial security and lots of good things that many of our friends who produce similiar income, don't. We'd like to retire early. We also like being able to drop everything at a moment's notice and go somewhere, anywhere. If we were to raise children the mother-in-law has promised to move close by and take care of them every day, but I don't necessarily feel it's reasonable/intelligent to count on that. Day care is not an option to us. Subtract one income and add the cost of two kids and things change dramatically. Bye bye NSX, all other toys and any hope of early retirement. Maybe we're just selfish, but I think I'm OK with that.

You are speaking as if you were my wife and myself, with age and marriage being pretty close to our timing. Had it all, did it all. Felt cool to do anything we wanted, whenever we wantd. Tina had a miscarriage a few years into our marriage and that was horrible and we didn't talk about that sour note for years. I sounded like Steve before and didn't give a rats ass about us having kids and was fine with sharing others kids and then sending them home when we ran out of patience. I thought others were crazy to have kids. Why have kids and ruin a good thing? No money issues, vacations, cars, savings, etc.

The clock of time passes and I turn 40...... and Shelby came into our lives. Your perspective on life and everything does a 180. Nothing, I mean nothing is more important than her. Do we take vacations? Hell yes, and as much as possible. I already saved some coin and purchased a big ass diesel pusher, so we were set to take her anywhere we pleased in comfort. Show her the world and see some ourselves.
Things work themselves out IF YOU ARE READY to have kids. Maybe your friends weren't ready. If your not and have kids, then kiss possibly your marriage/relationship goodbye, as they will either make or break you.
Looking back on my life, Tina and I wish we would have had kids earlier in life and can't imagine how empty our lives were life pre-Shelby.
Heck, I'll be 60 when she turns 18! Now that's a scary thought.
Hope all is well,
John :biggrin:

 

[ERICKGS3]

Who makes a thread like this?

I like coke better than pepsi, who else feels like this?

 

[EAC]

My fiance and I were recently informed, her body is no longer making eggs. So for us to have kids we would have to adopt or get an egg from a donor. We are getting married in nov. Both options for me are expensive. We are both 38, this is both of our first marriage. I still dont know what to do. Most people seem to force the issue of us having kids, by any means. I dont want her to be a science experiment,"trying" to have kids. She has PLENTY of nieces and nephews we could,"rent" in the summer months. Im an only child so I get the pressure the hardest. I would like one the normal way but im not sure about, adoption or getting another egg and doing expensive invitro. This has been my hardest decision to deal with so far in life and I dont want to make the wrong one. We are both unsure what to do.
HTC EVO

My wife and I have been going through the same thing for 7 years. It's both upsetting and frustrating. We're just not sure what to do next. Invitro or Adopt? I wish insurance covered Invitro.

 

[steveny]

That is what I am having problems with right now. I have been divorced for 2 years now and I am actually starting to look for someone to be with. I have 2 requirements, non smoker and no kids. The first is no problem, the second not so much. There are plenty of mid 30's, low 40's women out there, but they all come with children. And I don't want to be one of those 40 year old men dating 20 year olds.

You can put me on the list with Steven, don't want kids, never have, never will.

There are 20 year olds who do have a good head on their shoulders. You may have to date a few of them to find someone who's not a basket case but they are out there. When I was 32 I met my wife, she was 18. Been married for a while now, she is 31 and I'm 45. However I never got serious with anyone I dated who already had children. I was never interested in taking care of someone elses children. Sounds selfish but IMO in the long run it's most likely better for them.

 

[Kyras]

Who makes a thread like this?

I like coke better than pepsi, who else feels like this?

I think it's someone who's feed up with people asking if he has kids and then telling him why they're great, after he says he doesn't have any. I think it's someone who just wants a little validation that he's not the only one happy without them. Seems like normal human behavior to me. It's nice to know someone else feels the same way, especially when it's an unpopular view.

 

[Russ]

My wife and I have been going through the same thing for 7 years. It's both upsetting and frustrating. We're just not sure what to do next. Invitro or Adopt? I wish insurance covered Invitro.

I've been there too, it's a rough go.

First we tried Clomid, then several unsuccessful IVF attempts. The cycle of injections, early morning sonograms, hope, and, ultimately disappointment was emotionally and financially draining. One time, we managed to produced a good blastocyst which was implanted. For the next few days I was filled with hope and love for those few tiny cells - it was an incredible feeling and a connection that I never felt before - but sadly, again, it didn't work out.

We decided to try adoption. Placed ads in local weeklies all around the country, got an 800 line installed, printed up the adoption brochures... and waited. And waited. The first time the phone rang we freaked out with excitement and must've sounded like total idiots on the phone, since the girl hung up on us. Many calls later we found ourselves flying to the middle of nowhere to meet an expectant mother, who eventually gave us her baby - only to send state troopers to our motel room to take the baby back just hours before the judge was to make the adoption official. One of the saddest days of my life, next to the day I lost my dad.

The stress of all this took a huge toll on our marriage and we ultimately ended up getting divorced. I got remarried, to a wonderful woman who has 4 kids, and while being a stepparent has challenges of an entirely different sort, I love my life now and wouldn't trade my family for anything.

Many people have success with IVF or adoption, but neither road is easy and if there is any endeavor where you have to hope for the best and prepare for the worst, it's this. I wish you the best of luck with whatever path you choose. Any time you want to reach out or need an ear, feel free to shoot me a PM. -Russ

 

[SFNMNSX]

I'm 35. No kids, no interest. But I do see them EVERYWHERE
There's just soooo many of them!!!!

No wife. No dog.

PEPSI!, no coke!

-DREW-

 

[bfrank1972]

Nice to see that there are more and more posters who feel the way that I do.
I suspect that more will post.

I'm intrigued - what exactly is the purpose of your thread? Statistical curiosities? Affirmation of your personal life choice?

I applaud you knowing who you are and what you want out of life, but don't expect a controversial topic like this to buntouched by those who have ideas different than your own. Its like posting "who loves Hitler, and those who don't do not post in this thread". Can't really moderate your own thread like that.

 

[peiserg]

I'm intrigued - what exactly is the purpose of your thread? Statistical curiosities? Affirmation of your personal life choice?

I applaud you knowing who you are and what you want out of life, but don't expect a controversial topic like this to buntouched by those who have ideas different than your own. Its like posting "who loves Hitler, and those who don't do not post in this thread". Can't really moderate your own thread like that.

controversial? to who? Controversial is abortion where you have people bombing buildings and shooting people. Or religion where you have other people doing the same thing for different reasons. Or loving hitler, where you have the KKK demonstrating with a bunch of people having anti KKK/Hitler rallies.

This is about as controversial as who likes pepsi and who likes coke. Personal choice that impinges on no one else's financial, social or ethical beliefs.

Error 404-controversy not found.

 

[bfrank1972]

controversial? to who? Controversial is abortion where you have people bombing buildings and shooting people. Or religion where you have other people doing the same thing for different reasons. Or loving hitler, where you have the KKK demonstrating with a bunch of people having anti KKK/Hitler rallies.

This is about as controversial as who likes pepsi and who likes coke. Personal choice that impinges on no one else's financial, social or ethical beliefs.

Error 404-controversy not found.

Ok so it's not life and death controversial. Perhaps 'controversial' is not the right word. But certainly is a topic where strong emotions are involved. Even so far as 1/2 the original topic was cleaved by the moderators. Certainly I would say a bit more than Pepsi vs. Coke

From the tone of your email, you might be interpreting my original post as against this topic. I'm far from it, and I sincerely applaud anyone who knows what they want and what they don't. It's a tough thing sometimes. My original post, re-worded and condensed, "I'm curious as to why the OP is asking the question." I'd like to know. Regards.

 

[Russ]

controversial? to who? Controversial is abortion where you have people bombing buildings and shooting people. Or religion where you have other people doing the same thing for different reasons. Or loving hitler, where you have the KKK demonstrating with a bunch of people having anti KKK/Hitler rallies.

This is about as controversial as who likes pepsi and who likes coke. Personal choice that impinges on no one else's financial, social or ethical beliefs.

Error 404-controversy not found.

I don't know about that. Watch the opening scene of Idiocracy. This film is billed as a comedy, however IMHO the social implications of having kids or not can be quite controversial.

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[ERICKGS3]

I'm intrigued - what exactly is the purpose of your thread? Statistical curiosities? Affirmation of your personal life choice?

I applaud you knowing who you are and what you want out of life, but don't expect a controversial topic like this to buntouched by those who have ideas different than your own. Its like posting "who loves Hitler, and those who don't do not post in this thread". Can't really moderate your own thread like that.

I don't think it controversial. I think the question asked is meaningless and irrelevant just like the coke vs pepsi. To ask a question like that in this forum is foolish. I feel like it sort of baits the people with kids, into defending their kids.

For those who don't want kids, great. I am one who doesn't feel that way. The post of those who have kids and share how great is it, is just that. Don't get upset and try to kick them out.

Some of the posts that have gone off topic are heart breaking and sad to hear.

I like canon over nikon - who else feels this way?

 

[Russ]

...Controversial is abortion where you have people bombing buildings and shooting people.

Don't forgot the part about killing unborn human life.

 

[bfrank1972]

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/controversy

Sounds like this thread to me. Pepsi vs. Coke, definitely controversial :biggrin:

 

[hi0npsi]

I don't know about that. Watch the opening scene of Idiocracy. This film is billed as a comedy, however IMHO the social implications of having kids or not can be quite controversial.

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That scene is so true and so scary. Maury will tell you alllllll about it!

 

[Steven Allen]

Saying you do not want children and are VERY happy without and asking
if others feel the same as you is NOT baiting. However, to many individuals who have children it is like saying you do not like America or apple pie.
In other words, they can only see the world thru their eyes and the choices they made and everyone else shoould feel the same way. Controversial, like Hitler, abortion - give me a f*#@kin break.

There is no need to defend yourself as I personally was only intersted
in hearing from those who came to my point of view. If you did not good for you.

 

[ANYTIME]

Saying you do not want children and are VERY happy without and asking
if others feel the same as you is NOT baiting. However, to many individuals who have children it is like saying you do not like America or apple pie.
In other words, they can only see the world thru their eyes and the choices they made and everyone else shoould feel the same way. Controversial, like Hitler, abortion - give me a f*#@kin break.

There is no need to defend yourself as I personally was only intersted
in hearing from those who came to my point of view. If you did not good for you.

Your parents decided to either to have or not have kids, no? Glad mine did!!! :biggrin:

 

[peiserg]

Don't forgot the part about killing unborn human life.

oh brother. Can you spare me the abortion discussion? I'm using that topic as a way to convey meaning to the word "controversial." Not have some discussion on when a human is a human. That too, is "controversial."

 

[peiserg]

Ok so it's not life and death controversial. Perhaps 'controversial' is not the right word. But certainly is a topic where strong emotions are involved. Even so far as 1/2 the original topic was cleaved by the moderators. Certainly I would say a bit more than Pepsi vs. Coke

From the tone of your email, you might be interpreting my original post as against this topic. I'm far from it, and I sincerely applaud anyone who knows what they want and what they don't. It's a tough thing sometimes. My original post, re-worded and condensed, "I'm curious as to why the OP is asking the question." I'd like to know. Regards.

I respectfully disagree. For example. Let's say I tell you I don't want kids. I like my life the way it is. Ok. There you have it. Are you feeling "strong emotions" over that? I doubt it. Most people get "strongly emotional" about something when someone ELSE starts telling them they are wrong for a position they have take.

Now, for example. Let's say i tell you I don't want kids, and you are a moron for having kids. how stupid can you be? Kids in this world? Economy tanking, pollution all over, overpopulation, massive obesity, crime etc. You must be nuts to want a kid. Or stupid. Maybe just selfish? Probably that. You selfishly feel the need to have someone dependant on you who tells you they love you.

See what I mean? I like my kids. You can have kids, or not. I really don't care. i see tons of people who have kids they are not prepared for either emotionally or financially. Is that somehow "better" than the person who doesn't want kids, and doesn't have them?

 

[bfrank1972]

I respectfully disagree. For example. Let's say I tell you I don't want kids. I like my life the way it is. Ok. There you have it. Are you feeling "strong emotions" over that? I doubt it. Most people get "strongly emotional" about something when someone ELSE starts telling them they are wrong for a position they have take.

Now, for example. Let's say i tell you I don't want kids, and you are a moron for having kids. how stupid can you be? Kids in this world? Economy tanking, pollution all over, overpopulation, massive obesity, crime etc. You must be nuts to want a kid. Or stupid. Maybe just selfish? Probably that. You selfishly feel the need to have someone dependant on you who tells you they love you.

See what I mean? I like my kids. You can have kids, or not. I really don't care. i see tons of people who have kids they are not prepared for either emotionally or financially. Is that somehow "better" than the person who doesn't want kids, and doesn't have them?

I 100% agree with you. Especially with the last paragraph. I guess I had two points that maybe I didn't do a very good job of conveying:

1) Honestly curious why the OP was asking.

2) Regarding your 2nd paragraph, I totally agree with you on that. Unfortunately these days on an internet forum, one should expect to see a reaction from the 'defensive' types (on both sides) - regardless of how you position yourself on a topic like this. You know what they say about opinions