Exposing NSXPO, Part 7, Goin’ Deep
Well, I said I was done, but there’s still a bunch of you pervs out there readin’ this stuff, so here’s an epilogue; sort of how things get (got) done. Now Deep Throat warned me to be careful with this one because, in his words, “if you get carried away and suffer brake fade, you just might drive it off the cliff.”
Then he said to advise you to “hang on to your holly-hocks”. I have no idea what that means.
But here’s the heavy stuff. Deep Throat didn’t want to go here because it’s dirty laundry, but the real expose is that Ah-nold (your next Cali-fornicating governator wanna-be) has been tapping the phone lines of the NoSeXPO planning committee meetings and intercepting E-mails from most of them. Did you wonder why he wasn’t at the candidate’s debate the other nite? He was listening in on the committee conference call. Deep Throat mentioned that there has been a lot clicking and static on the lines periodically over the last several weeks and everyone wanted to blame Mark somebody’s cell phone. But my scoop is that it was actually Ah-nold doing a little sleuthing his own self.
So, I caught up to Ah-nold in Gold’s Gym here in old Sacto. There he was, relaxing with barbells and bimbos. So, I took off my trench coat and white shirt and commence to pump some iron. When he declined my offer to spot his 350 lb. bench press, I nailed him with the question about why he was listening in on the NSXPO conference calls. He admitted, off the record of course, that he was doing two things: First, he was checking up on his main gubernatorial rival, Big Al, the only one of 135 candidates he’s worried about.
Ed Note: Big Al, a.k.a, Fearless Leader or Napoleon, is the founding president of the Sacto Chapter of NSX club. He tried to hold elections one time, but no one would agree to run, so he’s still the President. It’s rumored that he’s running for Governor to get out of being the Club President. He’s invented the collar thingys for the Dali sway bars, and is currently working on a perpetual motion machine and a more powerful, self-oiling veg-a-matic. His idea of a good time is an ABS brake fluid change party. Check him out at
Big Al for Gov
“Yeah”, I lamented, “Choices, choices. What’s a voter to do?” I won’t bore you with the details, but here’s the contrast that Ah-nold gave me as he was huffing and puffing on the quad press machine.
“My platform is ‘I’m going to clean house’. Big Al’s platform is “You should see my clean garage”.
I’m going to balance your state budget. Al’s going to balance your sway bars.
I’m considering private school vouchers. Al’s giving out track school vouchers
I’m against fast answers. Al is not.
I haven’t gotten into the details yet. Al starts with the details and works backwards.
I’m still kind of general. Al is very specific: He tells the girl in the drive through window in no uncertain terms, that “THIS ORDER IS TO GO”
They say I’m ducking the tough issues. Al, however, doesn’t have to duck; they go right over his head.
I’m against special interests. Al says everyone should have a special interest, like the NSX !!!
Yes, I have a problem explaining my wild youth. Al, however, has no such problem.”
Not having time to give Al equal time, I had to cut him off. “So, moving right along, what’s the other reason you were listening in and being an E-mail voyeur?” He splashed some Gatorade on a shapely blonde and licked it off. “Well, it’s like this, I wanted to see how politics really works when something’s actually getting done.” Waxing eloquent, and raising his voice so that everyone could hear, “I’ve seen the engine of committees and politics misfire and sputter, I’ve seen the senators and assemblymen bloody each other’s noses and still nothing gets done. But I was really impressed with the level of energy and enthusiasm of the NSXPO planning committee. Not to mention the 11th hour flexibility.” He laid down on the bench and grabbed a bimbo in each hand and, no, not what you think, he did dumbbell flys. “I heard they somehow ginned up this forced induction tech seminar, which was dismissed long ago as way too dicey. But now, like a rabbit out of a top hat, they got the right guys, Lud and Wei or something like that, to pull it together and it could be the coo-D-graw. of the whole deal. Smooth, very smooth.” He dropped both bimbos to the floor, just like the sign says you’re not supposed to do. Lowering his voice, he whispers “But that Hrant guy is really coming down hard, yeah, kicking butt he was on that last call. But that’s OK, that’s my style too, the gloves have to come off sometime. I might want that whole committee to be my cabinet.”
I help up one of the bimbos by her bikini strap. Ah-nold’s smiling his best candidate smile, but nothing gets by me because I notice there was this look in his eye that said he wasn’t telling me everything. Like an EMT on the scene of an accident, I pressed; “What’s eatin at you Ah-nold?” “Well, I gotta be honest with you” (don’t you just love it when someone says that to you, makes you want to just hug them for being so confidential, right?) He paused for a second, wiping his eyes, “I read some of those E-mails………………..Wooo baby, I’m the Terminator and those made me wince.” “Brutal huh?” I queried. He snapped back: “Like the Gangs of New York, you see that movie?
But, hey, through it all, things got done and the event is better off for it. I was impressed.” I helped up the other bimbo by her thong, but it held like Kevlar.
Posing and flexing in front of the mirror, with Stefanwolf’s “Born to be Wild” pounding in the background, he says, “Yeah, this NoSeXPO is a pretty sweet deal. Think they’ll mind if I refer to it when I get asked about my past? I’ll just say ‘that was then, but I’m going to NoSeXPO now’. Hell, I just might buy me an NSX and show up in San Rafael to celebrate my victory, or worst case, beat the crap out of that sawed off Big Al. He’s trying to steal my NSX voter base.”
Wow, I’m thinking, Things are really heatin’ up out here. Can’t wait for the next televised debates. Al and Ah-nold, head to head on CNN. Well, maybe not head to head, but toe to toe, anyway. Can you dig it? Stay tuned as they say and don’t be surprised if NSXPO makes it on world news. You gonna be there? Only 10-12 days or so left to sign up (could be 5, who knows, like I say, I ain’t much into details that don’t pay the rent)
Well, that's it for now. I'm goin' bowlin'.
