I understand not wanting to spank them or not having to spank them. I can count the times that I have had to.
My oldest of 2 daughters is 12 years old, She gives my wife hell sometimes. We get the rolling of the eyes and sometimes she forgets who she is talking to. We do remind her, I would be lying if I said I didn't yell. I think it's what you yell that can hurt them. I would rather yell than spank, so I do. My 12 year old I don't even consider spanking anymore, we just make her responsible for all of her actions. I know mine are well behaved for the most part, everyone tells me so. However, I have stuck around and played I spy and saw with my own eyes that my children can revert to a child when around their peers.
As far as disappointing us, we try not to retaliate with negative feedback, because we want them to come to us with any and everything. So the rule is, if they come to us honestly with anything that is on their minds, we are not going to be upset. We stand their and listen and give the appropriate guidance.. I was spanked as a child, my parents were spanked as children, their parents were beaten as children and adults. I think we raise our children as we were raised good or bad as well as modifying those actions to coincide with the times we live in. What most of us have said, is that we are using our best judgment when we choose to use that form of discipline.. My wife works with kids with ADD, Autism, Mental retardation, etc. etc. Her aspect on using her hands are far more reserved than mine. She absolutely refuses to do it. The only time I have seen it, is when the oldest was completely out of hand.
The oldest still tries her now and then, but it's nothing major. They love their mom. They don't fear her unless it's extreme wrath. Like Prova, if I am not around they can really get to her. They love me, but they also know that I won't put up with half of the stuff their mom puts up with.
I don't negotiate with my children, they have a democracy in America, in Lenmerica it's pure Dictatorship!!! :wink:
They come to me to be spoiled rotten, they go to her with most of their problems. They come to me to beat up the teachers. They come to me when they are hurt. When they are mad they do a great job of containing themselves, they will sit there and cry before fighting someone. Unless, that person is really threatening their well being.
Finally to my point, I don't think spanking to discipline the child is bad. Beating is leaving marks, black eyes, busted lips, broken bones, that is simply a crime. Getting ahold of that soft tissue is not out of line. IMHO...
Now I beat the hell out of my wife... :tongue:
The discipline I received has made me a better NSX driver too. 
