Divorce

[steveny]

Went on line one morning to look at my checking account.

Called the bank and asked, "What's that $10,000 withdrawal?"

Banker, "Oh, that's for so and so family practice attorney."

YIKES!!! My banker told me!

I laugh about it now, but I had NO idea.

I went to the bank and had pictures of her at the counter printed off before I confronted her. I asked her were the money was. She didn't even try to lie she knew better. I got back all of it less 2k. It was stupid on my part. I had her sign off on the joint accounts a year before all that crap went down. I never turned the paper in to the bank. Live and learn. I would have to say I was 50% at fault maybe even more. I was young and only interested in getting established. I really didn't want a relationship anyways. I didn't have time for one. Even if I had time she would not have been the person to invest that time into. I felt bad for her. She had a tough childhood and had no place to go. I seemed to pick up a lot of strays back then.

 

[WingZ]

Well then she was stupid for what she did. Should she get 1/2 of his shit? Nope, she should gain a skill and make her own life. If she was the home maker then she should write it up that way, I feel taking care of kids and a home is a job and should get some pay. My dad left my mom with the house and paid for all our food and such but my mom also never put in any effort to get a good job after we moved out, Lazy who knows but 20 years later she is making 8$ a hour and never went to school or got a trade skill and everytime I see her it's the same thing. How's work mom "It sucks" Okay what are you going to do to change that? "Nothing". lol

Yeah I told her she was stupid to ,but she really didn't want bad relations with the him because they have a child together.

Gain a skill LOL She has a masters and was the HR exec of the company I was with at the time. Her house is small because in the neighborhood she wanted to live in a small house was all she could afford:biggrin:

LOL Get a skill ... Dude your crazy

 

[La-squared]

That's called being single not married. If you keep that immature attitude/outlook you will soon be on your third divorce.:wink:

Nope. No third one for me.
I'm perfectly happy with the thought of living on my own.

Besides, "sendin' em home" seems to have worked out for the men so far. :tongue:

 

[WingZ]

Nope. No third one for me.
I'm perfectly happy with the thought of living on my own.

Besides, "sendin' em home" seems to have worked out for the men so far. :tongue:

Daayyyyyyaaaaaam

I did not quote you, learn to interweb.

post #91 you quoted me. Learn to follow your own replies.

 

[Ryanmcd2]

Daayyyyyyaaaaaam



post #91 you quoted me. Learn to follow your own replies.

LOL I know I fucked up, too much shit going on. I FAIL!

 

[La-squared]

Daayyyyyyaaaaaam

Oh, come on, Wingz... :biggrin:

Hey, I secretly wish I could be more like a guy in my thinking sometimes. Logic abounds most of the time. But, shhhh... I can't say that where anyone can hear. I might have my Estogen Pass revoked.

 

[brickdds]

A friend of mine is getting married next Friday, his 4th...
This gal is a Filipino nurse from Oklahoma. She moved in with him over a year ago and got her Texas nursing certificate. Oddly enough she has not worked since obtaining it. Since she is living with him, not working (and not independently wealthy) it follows that there would be commingling of (his) funds. Would that not make them already under common law statutes?
Should she wear white?

 

[Deltron Zero]

A friend of mine is getting married next Friday, his 4th...
This gal is a Filipino nurse from Oklahoma. She moved in with him over a year ago and got her Texas nursing certificate. Oddly enough she has not worked since obtaining it. Since she is living with him, not working (and not independently wealthy) it follows that there would be commingling of (his) funds. Would that not make them already under common law statutes?
Should she wear white?

Texas does recognize common law marriage. However, a commingling of funds does not constitute a common law marriage.

Common law marriage requires "a positive mutual agreement, permanent and exclusive of all others, to enter into a marriage relationship, cohabitation sufficient to warrant a fulfillment of necessary relationship of man and wife, and an assumption of marital duties and obligations." Black's Law Dictionary 277 (6th ed. 1990)

 

[steveny]

Texas does recognize common law marriage. However, a commingling of funds does not constitute a common law marriage.

Common law marriage requires "a positive mutual agreement, permanent and exclusive of all others, to enter into a marriage relationship, cohabitation sufficient to warrant a fulfillment of necessary relationship of man and wife, and an assumption of marital duties and obligations." Black's Law Dictionary 277 (6th ed. 1990)

Your honor allow me to introduce exhibit #1, a chick from hooters walks in the courtroom.:biggrin:

Your honor I request the bailiff's protection for exhibit #2, the girls sister walks in the courtroom.:biggrin: :biggrin:

 

[ShiftyBob]

As a few have noticed, I have not been around the boards much lately. My divorce started late last year with a separation. I have been trying desperately to save the marriage ever since... to no avail. I just filed on the 13th, and it was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I didn't want a divorce, but it NEEDED to happen. I love her VERY much, but we have grown apart, and aren't nearly the same people we were when we got married. She is not the person I thought she was, and is DEFINITELY NOT the person I fell in love with, but I'm sure she could say the same. And, to make things even worse, I moved from CA to WI to try and save my marriage, so now I have NO family, or friends to turn to. All I have is her family out here, and they all hate me now, which is a twisted sense of logic considering she is the one that abandoned the marriage. We haven't established residency in WI yet (6 mos), so I had to fly back to CA at the end of Jan to file.

I have had a lot of sh!t happen in my life, most of it in the last few years...
A lifelong dream career of mine ended (was taken away from me) back in 04', then a few months later my brother (one year older than I) was murdered in front of his four children, at his own home. 5 months later my sister (2 years younger) was found in Orange County behind a muffler shop in an alley with head trauma. She left behind a 4 year old son who is now being raised by my parents. Then... 2 months later, my only remaining grandparent (My moms mother) died, two weeks before I was to take my daughter to meet her great grandmother. Having said ALL of that...

This divorce is the most financially and emotionally draining thing I have ever gone through. If it weren't for my kids and family, I'm not even sure I would still be here. The kids are what makes this the hardest, because without them, I could just walk away... and go home, but I can't do that anymore. If I would have known that this was even a possibility, I never would have gotten married. I never believed in Divorce, and NEVER thought I would have to go through it, because I married for LIFE, but apparently she did not. The only thing that gives me hope, is those that have turned their lives around since their divorce, because not only am Inear financial bankruptcy, but I am definitely EMOTIONALLY Bankrupt!!!

Finished mine about six months ago. Cost me hundreds of thousands of dollars. Just be prepared to suck it up. Mine took almost two years and there were no children involved. Mine was in a no fault state and no community property state. If you're in a community property state, you're dead meat.

1. Make SURE you have a tax attorney or accountant involved as well as a divorce attorney. If you don't, it could cost you LOTS in the future. There are current and future tax implications.

2. Don't get angry or try to get even. It's only going to cost you more and it's not worth it.

3. Think only about getting on with your life.

4. If you have children, that should be your first priority. As much as you may dislike it, they need a mother and a father.

5. Stay in contact with your NSX buddies and other friends. Mine kept me from feeling the wheels were falling off the wagon.

6. Forget who is right or wrong. It doesn't matter. It's over.

7. The best revenge is ambivilance. Don't carry baggage for the rest of your life.

8. Avoid court if possible. If you have to go to court it's going to cost you twice as much and you're still going to get screwed.


Six months later...My life couldn't be better.:biggrin:

Good luck.

Right now, everything is amicable,and I pray it stays that way, but I will keep all of this in mind.

Just buy her a diamond...that will shut her up.:wink:

She had a 2karat $20k diamond ring... didn't matter much! :biggrin:

 

[chado]

ShiftyBob,

All you can do is hang in there and be around for your kids. Funniest thing is I shared all the basic feelings you posted above, but the one thing I've learned (and you are now) is that ... YOU CAN"T CONTROL PEOPLE or change them for that matter. As irrational as they might be.. there is nothing that can be done about it sometimes.
THINGS WILL GET BETTER! I was in a similar position (grew apart..etc) and once you've taken the time to grieve the loss you will ultimately find a person who is a much better fit and realize what you didn't have in your old relationship (if you're looking). You'll come to a point were you realize your not "waisting time" anymore and it feels good. Easier said than done.. I know it took me a while.

 

[docjohn]

I've been reading on the sidelines,and I just want to add that for you guys or gals suffering in silence please don't hesitate to seek profesional help.If needed a temporary trial of anti depresents can speed your emotional healing process.Sometimes the depression can persist long after you have gotten your life back together thus perpetuating a sad or blue feeling that really dose'nt need to be there.

 

[steveny]

All you newly minted single people should plan a group meeting in VEGAS. Probably doesn't sound like much fun now but when you look back on it in 5 years I bet you would see it differently. Nothing better than being around people who understand.
Just be sure if you win any money to keep it hush, hush or you may have to split it 50/50.

Shiftybob, take care of yourself man. Be sure to keep posting updates here on Prime.

 

[NSXFRIEND]

I've been reading on the sidelines,and I just want to add that for you guys or gals suffering in silence please don't hesitate to seek profesional help.If needed a temporary trial of anti depresents can speed your emotional healing process.Sometimes the depression can persist long after you have gotten your life back together thus perpetuating a sad or blue feeling that really dose'nt need to be there.

Doc the other solution is second wife:biggrin: Solvers all the problems of adultry and divorce:tongue:

 

[H-carWizKid]

Good luck to those of you who are going through this now- I know it can be stressful. I burst a blood vessel and it gave me black eye when I was going through it. I believe I dropped 10-15 lbs as well. It seemed like the whole world was ending right up until that first "new" girl smiled at me, and I realized the potential to start over, and maybe even be happier in the future.

Of course- 5 years later that hope is tempered by the fact that there are a lot of single women out there with even bigger issues than my ex...

The hardest part for me was seeing all the relatives, and people who were at the wedding just 3 years before. I felt like a dirtbag because all of them had given us gifts. In hindsight I wished I would have called it off before we ever went down the aisle, but as they say- hindsight is 20/20.

I can't offer much in the way of legal advice regarding assets- We were really young and didn't have much so our split was about as easy as your average break-up. We had to have an attorney draw up papers, but no alimony agreements, no property disputes, no child custody- It was just "over". She took this, and I took that. I haven't set eyes on her since the day we signed the documents.

5 years later I am gun shy to pull the trigger again. It sucks because I would like to have kids someday, and I like the idea of being married but I can't help second guessing what will happen in the future. A few relationships have come and gone because of that. Not sure what it will take to get passed it.


P

 

[Ski_Banker]

As a few have noticed, I have not been around the boards much lately. My divorce started late last year with a separation. I have been trying desperately to save the marriage ever since... to no avail. I just filed on the 13th, and it was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I didn't want a divorce, but it NEEDED to happen. I love her VERY much, but we have grown apart, and aren't nearly the same people we were when we got married. She is not the person I thought she was, and is DEFINITELY NOT the person I fell in love with, but I'm sure she could say the same. And, to make things even worse, I moved from CA to WI to try and save my marriage, so now I have NO family, or friends to turn to. All I have is her family out here, and they all hate me now, which is a twisted sense of logic considering she is the one that abandoned the marriage. We haven't established residency in WI yet (6 mos), so I had to fly back to CA at the end of Jan to file.

I have had a lot of sh!t happen in my life, most of it in the last few years...
A lifelong dream career of mine ended (was taken away from me) back in 04', then a few months later my brother (one year older than I) was murdered in front of his four children, at his own home. 5 months later my sister (2 years younger) was found in Orange County behind a muffler shop in an alley with head trauma. She left behind a 4 year old son who is now being raised by my parents. Then... 2 months later, my only remaining grandparent (My moms mother) died, two weeks before I was to take my daughter to meet her great grandmother. Having said ALL of that...

This divorce is the most financially and emotionally draining thing I have ever gone through. If it weren't for my kids and family, I'm not even sure I would still be here. The kids are what makes this the hardest, because without them, I could just walk away... and go home, but I can't do that anymore. If I would have known that this was even a possibility, I never would have gotten married. I never believed in Divorce, and NEVER thought I would have to go through it, because I married for LIFE, but apparently she did not. The only thing that gives me hope, is those that have turned their lives around since their divorce, because not only am Inear financial bankruptcy, but I am definitely EMOTIONALLY Bankrupt!!!





Right now, everything is amicable,and I pray it stays that way, but I will keep all of this in mind.



She had a 2karat $20k diamond ring... didn't matter much! :biggrin:

Bob - hope you'll accept my apologies for my more callous remarks on real estate investing. I assume that is one of difficulties here. It's easy for me to say "this or that" as an investor, but plenty of good folks are really in a world of hurt right now.

You'll be back on your feet soon enough. The only LBBP owner that lacks the ability to fight back strong -as we all know- is Wingz. What a girl! :tongue: :biggrin:

 

[Scot]

This is a very good point....

drinkers, smokers, lazy, lunatics, etc.....

Of course- 5 years later that hope is tempered by the fact that there are a lot of single women out there with even bigger issues than my ex...

 

[H-carWizKid]

This is a very good point....

drinkers, smokers, lazy, lunatics, etc.....

A good friend of mine once said- "Dude, they are ALL crazy, some more than others"

Philip

 

[Maximus_NSX]

Bob - hope you'll accept my apologies for my more callous remarks on real estate investing. I assume that is one of difficulties here. It's easy for me to say "this or that" as an investor, but plenty of good folks are really in a world of hurt right now.

You'll be back on your feet soon enough. The only LBBP owner that lacks the ability to fight back strong -as we all know- is Wingz. What a girl! :tongue: :biggrin:

Keep your head up, Bob. It can only get better. As far as Wingzy is concerned, I agree Ski. Dude is a wimp!:biggrin:

 

[Mike-san]

As a few have noticed, I have not been around the boards much lately. My divorce started late last year with a separation. I have been trying desperately to save the marriage ever since... to no avail. I just filed on the 13th, and it was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I didn't want a divorce, but it NEEDED to happen. I love her VERY much, but we have grown apart, and aren't nearly the same people we were when we got married. She is not the person I thought she was, and is DEFINITELY NOT the person I fell in love with, but I'm sure she could say the same. And, to make things even worse, I moved from CA to WI to try and save my marriage, so now I have NO family, or friends to turn to. All I have is her family out here, and they all hate me now, which is a twisted sense of logic considering she is the one that abandoned the marriage. We haven't established residency in WI yet (6 mos), so I had to fly back to CA at the end of Jan to file.

I have had a lot of sh!t happen in my life, most of it in the last few years...
A lifelong dream career of mine ended (was taken away from me) back in 04', then a few months later my brother (one year older than I) was murdered in front of his four children, at his own home. 5 months later my sister (2 years younger) was found in Orange County behind a muffler shop in an alley with head trauma. She left behind a 4 year old son who is now being raised by my parents. Then... 2 months later, my only remaining grandparent (My moms mother) died, two weeks before I was to take my daughter to meet her great grandmother. Having said ALL of that...

This divorce is the most financially and emotionally draining thing I have ever gone through. If it weren't for my kids and family, I'm not even sure I would still be here. The kids are what makes this the hardest, because without them, I could just walk away... and go home, but I can't do that anymore. If I would have known that this was even a possibility, I never would have gotten married. I never believed in Divorce, and NEVER thought I would have to go through it, because I married for LIFE, but apparently she did not. The only thing that gives me hope, is those that have turned their lives around since their divorce, because not only am Inear financial bankruptcy, but I am definitely EMOTIONALLY Bankrupt!!!





Right now, everything is amicable,and I pray it stays that way, but I will keep all of this in mind.



She had a 2karat $20k diamond ring... didn't matter much! :biggrin:

Bob, First off, don't expect any emotional miracles right now......There are times for hurting and right now, this is the time for your situation. When I read that you had been "desperatly trying to save the marriage", I interpreted it as you not being true to your own feelings, but rather doing whatever you thought it would take to make your wife happy. In other words, you put her first and yourself a distant second. No doubt, part of this sacrafice involved the thought of you not being around all the time for your kids if the marriage ended. If I can give you any advice that would be useful, it would be something like; 1) Your kids will always be your kids...True, there will be times when you won't be there to tuck them in at night, but they will get older and will remember the dad you were/are to them, not the frequency of your time w/ them. Think about our thoughts about our own parents: We think about certain memories w/ them, not an accurate tabulation of minutes/hours/days w/ them. 2) Don't start looking for a replacement for your ex....Right after my divorce, I would be on a boring date, look accross the table and start to think..."She's not nearly as hot as my ex wife.....I had such a hot chick whom I was married to, and she's home right now w/ my daughter...that's where I should be !!!" ----I failed to come to terms w/ the fact that my marriage was OVER....I had tried to salvage it, it didn't work, and it was time to move on....instead, I only thought about the positives of my marriage (while ignorring the rest).... my daughter, and my ex wife's beautiful face and body... I had to move on...plain and simple.....I had to man up, evaluate the situation, and either crawl in some kind of emotional hole forever, or move on....Was it easy ? F#*k no !!! Oh yeah, number 3) Above all else, don't compromise your feelings too much...be your own man for yourself and for your kids......In the end, you will be glad you did..........There is no number #4.....I'll just end by saying that a year after my painful divorce, I was having the time of my life....and it's continued !!!:biggrin:

 

[ALSWEL]

This is an amazing topic. Possibly the best 'off topic' discussion on Prime for me as I'm coming out of a failed engagement. I appreciate all of the honesty and disclosure. I have lost a very important person in my life yet I realize there is still light at the end of the tunnel. I appreciate all of you that have contributed.

 

[Red]

My best advice - put your ego aside, don't try to prove ANYTHING - see if you can reason it out in ONE lawyers office - be generous with what you give her in terms of material things now, but try not to commit to future cashflow.

The issues I've seen with friends is that 40-50% of the estate gets eaten up with legal fees because they like a fight - the only winner is the Lawyers and the looser is the guy who makes the money to pay them and still has to support his wife in the future.

If you make it about ego its gonna be all about you losing $$$

 

[ChargerDaytona]

The old joke comes to mind, why is divorce so expensive ... because it's worth it.

I waited a long time to file, and was an emotional and financial wreck. Found an absolutely great attorney, who was more interested in protecting all my assets then paying his mortgage. I called him up one day and asked why the heck are we doing interrogatories? He said her attorney called wanting an address to mail them to. Oh, and BTW, we had them couriered over to her office. Something about first one in set the time table for the other one. Month after the divorce, I said, boy was I messed up, but I'm better now. Six months after the divorce, I was really messed up then, but I'm better now. Literally took two years.

After saying there wasn't a chance in hell of getting married again, it happened, LOL.

 

[WingZ]

The old joke comes to mind, why is divorce so expensive ... because it's worth it.

I waited a long time to file, and was an emotional and financial wreck. Found an absolutely great attorney, who was more interested in protecting all my assets then paying his mortgage. I called him up one day and asked why the heck are we doing interrogatories? He said her attorney called wanting an address to mail them to. Oh, and BTW, we had them couriered over to her office. Something about first one in set the time table for the other one. Month after the divorce, I said, boy was I messed up, but I'm better now. Six months after the divorce, I was really messed up then, but I'm better now. Literally took two years.

After saying there wasn't a chance in hell of getting married again, it happened, LOL.

That's what's really weird. I don't think I would get married again ,but it seems like most do ... why? Is it rebound or something?

 

[chado]

That's what's really weird. I don't think I would get married again ,but it seems like most do ... why? Is it rebound or something?

I think some people just really feel the need to have a "companion". Some people don't function well alone... I still am not sure if I fall into this catagory. After being in a relationship from 17-26 and ending in divorce I have had the time of my life. I've done extensive travelling, made new friends around the world, bought my "dream" car.... and yet I've got a a serious girlfriend again... :redface: