EXPOSING NSXPO PART 6 THE FUN STUFF
Sitting in the Blue Note early (11AM) yesterday, my pint of Schlitz was getting warm in the blazing sun streaming through the window. I don’t subscribe to that “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere” theory, but a Schlitz before noon with a lemon to knock off the aftertaste is OK. I’m sitting there at the bar, working actually, studying the o-bits for a lead on a case and carefully avoiding the stare of the barmaid. She’s playing Credence Clearwater’s “Born on the Bayou” on the juke box just like she does every morning while curling a 75 lb. dumbbell and unloading the dishwasher.
Just then, Poncho Villa marches in, stepping over the Blue Tick Hound asleep in the doorway. Without looking around, he plants himself squarely next to my stool casting a huge shadow. Keeping my head down, I yell at the barmaid; “Hey Ethyl, we having an eclipse?” No response and my weak attempt at morning humor falls to the floor with barely a dull thud. “You Jake? I’m Kirk Johnson, and I want to know, What are you trying to do to us?” I look up, right into soft dark eyes that could’ve belonged to BB King singing the blues. Nothing gets by me and a chilling thought shivers my spine: “Pack your bags, we’re goin on a guilt trip.”
“Well, uh, uh,” I stammer. “Gotcha” he guffaws
and slaps me on the shoulder just about knocking me off the stool. “In my past, pre-NSX life I’d be here to take you out for all the crap you been writing about us”, he barked, caressing the bandolier slung across his shoulder. “But now I’m here to help you write about the NSXPO Fun Stuff.” I smile weakly, “Oh, no shit?” feeling glad to still be in one piece.
“Yeah, ……….hold on a second, I’ve got to put myself in that certain place” He looks up……………..”OK, here it comes……….Oh to be a kid again, Kirk rolled his eyes. We’re gonna be racing at Race Place Motorsports (RPM), you know that new Indoor Karting facility down in Rancho Cordova? Oh yeah, let me tell you, we’re all going to be feeling the adrenaline and exhilaration of good natured but high powered competition; wheel to wheel racing. More fun than a roller coaster, the track junkies and polishers alike will be head to head and there just might be a few surprises. For instance, I’m not even thinking about kicking butt on any of the locals, they’re wimps, I’m waiting for the big guns, like the instructors and pro racers coming from back east. Oh, yeah, I feel the need for speed. Don’t even need cool down laps. We’ll hop right out and do our bench racing over lunch, compliments of Fabrication Specialties.” “You’re coming all the way over here from Sonoma?” I ask. “Yeah, it’s perfect, because it’s right on the way to Comptech where we’re going later. And we’ll be driving right by the State Capitol where the party will still be going on from the election on Tuesday. Pretty slick, huh?” “Ka, ka, cool” as I quaff the rest of my Schlitz.
“Hey, now get this.” He looked at me with those now intent and piercing dark eyes. “Remember being a teenager and polishing up your 73 Pinto and parking it down at the In-and-Out Burger with all your buddies?” I look over my shoulder to see who he’s talking to. 73 Pinto? Is he kidding? I maybe couthless, but I’m not completely clueless. I never even thought about it. “You had a Pinto?” I ask incredulously. “Oh yeah” he said nodding his head up and down like a bobblehead doll. They were retro cool when they came out. We knew they were completely ridiculous but that’s why we loved em, sort of like the Pacer”. I burst out laughing, pulling a muscle in my gut and spraying Schlitz across the room like a crop duster at dawn. Kirk gives me a quizzical look but doesn’t miss a beat. “We’re going to re-live those prideful and youth centered days at our own exclusive concours. It’s a tradition, but all in fun. They’ll be giving out loads of prizes and gag gifts of all sorts. It’s going to be rich. Oh and I just might tell the story about my old girlfriend, Run Around Sue.”
“Sounds great”, I said quickly, not wanting to talk about women in front of Ethyl, “you got any avocado green NSXs?” He grins a big one, pearly whites from here to Thursday. “When you going to take me for a cruise in that bad boy Integra of yours?” I’m thinking, Hey this guy ain’t too stuffy like the rest of those clowns and he must have big cojones to be seen with me.
“Oh, but I almost forgot about the food”, he said, licking his lips. “Now this may be a little over your head, but In the Napa/Sonoma valley, food and wine are like king and queen, are you following me? Fine cuisine goes with wine like, well like Big Al goes with whine, like Zymol goes with concours, like Ken goes with OEM, like Comptech goes with reliability, like Niello goes with service, and Dali goes with racing. Wow, did I just say all that? You can tell I been reading your long-winded tirades, huh? But seriously,” he lowers his voice dramatically, “we will experience the best of the grits and wine that this world-renown region has to offer, guaranteed. Thursday night, for example, will be a veritable culinary delight at the Napa Valley Grill. You’re gonna fall down laughing but it’s in Yountville.
No lie, I’m not making that up. But I digress. Now get this, our own fine dining critic will be coming all the way from Chicago to compare this dinner with the gastro delights of previous NSXPO’s. So, no detail will be left unexplained. Oh and lest we forget, American Honda will treat us to a savory lunch at the track not only Friday, but Saturday and Sunday too.” A little drool leaked out of the corner of his mouth. “Yeah, I’m getting hungry just hearing myself talk about it.”
Forced to think about eating, the bar peanuts I had for breakfast was a sorry thought and I struggled to change the subject. He’d been going on for awhile and I just had to ask. “Johnson, huh? You know, you don’t look like no fair skinned Nordic son of John to me.” “Yeah, looks can be deceiving, can’t they. But, hey, you’re in California, whatdja expect?” “Yeah, California,” I counter, it’s not too hard to remind myself every morning that I’m not in Kansas anymore. Pretty weird even for me and that’s saying something.” The barmaid clears her throat in a way that says “What B.S.!!”.
“Well, ya know,” I’m thinking out loud, “the really juicy stuff, the really heavy and diabolically fun stuff will be enjoying all the celebration and mayhem after the election, which, as you just pointed out, happens to be the Tuesday before NSXPO starts. The folks coming from out of state will be right here where the bizarre celebrating and gnashing of teeth will take place. Yes indeed, Sacramento to San Francisco will be the center of some non-typical and always bizarre California behavior.” “Yeah” Kirk starts singing “They’ll be dancing…………….dancing in the street………. San Francisco and ah, ah, San Jose…………..”. He throws down his big straw hat and starts to dance around it like a line backer trying to celebrate a sack. Martha and the Vandellas would not have been amused. The Blue Tick Hound covered his ears.
“Well, it’s about that time” he said, opening up worn leather saddlebags and showing me huge bundles of Mexican pesos. “Time to go up to Comptech and crack the whip. Every now and then, I just barge in there like a gunslinger into a bar, throw down a big wad of money and yell ‘make me happy’. Works every time!!!” as he heads out the door whistling.
As I watch him go, I realize it’s time to throw the checkers on this chapter of yellow journalism. I almost regret seeing this gig come to an end. Oh yeah, I’m supposed to say it’s been a nice change from writing comic books, and not really all that dissimilar from my normal genre. And that’s all true; I am all fired up now and my next comic book should be really bizarre. But the truth is, here comes my standard disclaimer, I been writing this NoSeXPO stuff for a “Deep Throat” in the Sacto Chapter who pays me off with a lunch at Jack’s Urban Eats once a week and bottle of Jack Daniels. He whispers an idea and lets me have fun with it. But, alas, it wasn’t paying the bar tab and wasn’t helping me take V-tec out like I’m s’posed to. So, now I need to get a real job. And you, Mr. or Ms. cool NSX owner/driver/racer/poser, need to get your ass up to NSXPO. In case, you haven’t been payin’ attention, the cut-off for registration is only a coupla weeks off and if you want to sign up after that, well, let’s just say “It’ll cost ya.”
Oh, and one last thing. When you’re up there having huge gobs of fun, be sure and look around once in a while ‘cause you just might see an Avocado Green Integra parked across the street with a guy reading a newspaper behind the wheel. Just smile and go on about your business. C’ya.