Get Married - Yeah or Nay?

[Ko-nsx]

I had all my fun when I was younger. I can't see why anyone would get married under ~35 years old. Getting married under 35 would be like just watching one channel on the tv when you have 500 to chose from. After 40 you don't even want to look for the remote, whatever is on the tv will be just fine.

:biggrin:

I just turned 34 and i feel the same way. No kids, no obligations. I've been bleesed with some good fortune from my hard work and i played HARD. From Brazil to Canada i looked at all the channels and tivo'd them:biggrin:

Now i like this one channel that reminds me of my nsx. Been showing programs for a while now, but man it's a show stopper after all these years, and looks like it will keep a smile on my face with very little effort. My parents were together 40 years before i lost my dad in '05. I'm an only child so i have a lot of respect for marriage and family, and am up for the commitment. I also know i am mentally ready for the role of husband and dad, now at 34. At 25, i would have not have made it(hell at 32 i would not have made it!!!)

 

[SilverStone05]

Marriage isn't a bad thing. I just think its executed poorly.

Girls these days get married for the wrong reasons. And I say girls, because usually, no sane man is the one pushing to spend 15K on a ring and 50 on a wedding. Then, when it comes down to it, if you cheat on her, she gets half your stuff....if she cheats on you, she gets half your stuff. Ha.

I'm my experience, it seems that women these days equate marriage to a status thing. Rush Rush Rush to beat their friends. They want the ring, they want the wedding, and they want to use it all as a big F you to all the people that ever pissed them off. It's sad because half of em end up divorced.

For some reason it appears that all the people getting married are the ones who had no business doing it in the first place. If I had to guess, I'd bet that there is a direct correlation between your education level, your IQ, and the age at which you get married.

Case in point:
I knew this chick in college who was roommates with one of my close girl friends. Me and the chick hook up one weekend, and then the next weekend, her "boyfriend" shows up as a transfer from another school. Boyfriend? She never told any of us about a boyfriend, lol. So needless to say, the "boyfriend" was shady with me from the get go. Fine.

Long story short, they end up getting married . He was so broke, that she had to buy her own ring from the mall. The parents were totally against it, and from what I hear the mother got drunk and caused a big stink at the reception. (I wouldn't know for sure, I wasn't invited) Anyway, 2 years later, the philandering bitch divorced his sorry ass for some loser, and now i'm the only individual from the college group that will give him the time of day. Sad.

Ski, you should have included an option for those of us who haven't yet married, and don't know if we will ever.

 

[steveny]

:biggrin:

I just turned 34 and i feel the same way. No kids, no obligations. I've been bleesed with some good fortune from my hard work and i played HARD. From Brazil to Canada i looked at all the channels and tivo'd them:biggrin:

Now i like this one channel that reminds me of my nsx. Been showing programs for a while now, but man it's a show stopper after all these years, and looks like it will keep a smile on my face with very little effort. My parents were together 40 years before i lost my dad in '05. I'm an only child so i have a lot of respect for marriage and family, and am up for the commitment. I also know i am mentally ready for the role of husband and dad, now at 34. At 25, i would have not have made it(hell at 32 i would not have made it!!!)

Ah yes the Tivo, I love the Tivo.

 

[jond]

Good thread. I have the same question about marriage. I still haven't made up my mind if I want to get married or not. I kind of view it right now as a meaningless, outdated idea. If I do get married, I will definitely have to have a prenup.


A few of the things that turned me off to the idea:
- Seeing my best friends parents get divorced in their 50's. They had been married for 25 years. Then one day his mom wants to hook up with some guy she worked with and ended up asking for a divorce. Thing is, they seemed like the perfect couple. They seemed 100% happy. The husband didn't see it coming at all. He was completely blind sided. And she seemed like the perfect martha stewert wife too, she didn't seem like the cheating type.
Seeing that happen jaded me a bit.

- Second, having so many older guys tell me straight up to not get married. It's f'ed up. It always takes me off guard. I used to think these guys were joking, but I ask them and they'll tell me they're not joking at all.

- Third, I've dated a lot of chicks lately who have been divorced. The last one, I asked her why she got divorced, and she said simply, that she just didn't feel the way she used to about him. AKA, they didn't have some huge fight, they didn't cheat on each other, they didn't have money issues, she just "didn't feel the same way anymore". I couldn't help but think about the poor guy who she left crushed for no good reason. That killed it for me with her.


I think our society has devalued marriage with its acceptance of divorce in recent decades and thats created a situation where marriage is no longer of meaning. When getting a divorce is just as easy and quick as breaking up from someone you're dating, then where's the difference?
Where is the commitment when you know you can get out of it with an hours worth of paperwork?


Someone on this forum posted about Tom Leykis. He's a talkshow host similar to a Howard Stern, but he only talks about relationships and marriage. He's got some insightful things to say:
His website:
http://www.blowmeuptom.com/ <-- NWS
His free podcast(don't need an ipod to listen):
http://www.971freefm.com/pages/podcast/117.rss

 

[Nav]

if she is the one, do it.

its as simple as that. if you want a longer answer, I can try to add some fluff to it.

lets try........

If you are soulmates, and you cant go a day without thinking about her, and how beatiful she is, and how smart she is, and how happy she makes you etc.......


.....if you can see yourself spending THE REST OF YOUR LIFE with her......

....if you can see yourself not sleeping with anyone else for the rest of your life, and are okay with it.........

.....if she completes you........

and the list goes on.....

physical attraction is great, but remember, she (nor you) will look the same in 25 years. when people say "its whats on the inside that counts", they arent just trying to make ugly people feel better, they actually mean it.

the money argument is BS. being financially broke/stable/successfull doesnt/shouldnt matter. (if you love each other)

 

[SilverStone05]

the money argument is BS. being financially broke/stable/successfull doesnt/shouldnt matter. (if you love each other)

Shouldn't is the key word here.

Thing is, money has always been regarded as one of the top reasons for divorce, up there with infidelity. Recent reports try to detract from that but its all propaganda. Seriously, if money wasn't important during the marriage, why in the hell is everyone kicking and screaming about who gets what when the divorce papers are served?

 

[Deltron Zero]

if she is the one, do it.

its as simple as that.

I'm not sure it is that simple. I bet many of us here have had a long term relationship with somebody who they thought were the one, but it didn't end up that way. I was with my high school girlfriend for 5 years. For most of those 5 years I thought she was the one, in fact I was sure about it.

The fact is that people change, and you never know what the future holds.

Why enter a governmental contract with this person when it is impossible to foretell the future?

If you want to show that you are devoted to another person, just have a wedding ceremony with rings, family, cake, a DJ, etc. That's what women really want (right?). Why do you need to bring your state’s government into the equation? If a woman wants me to put up half of my assets as collateral for a lifelong relationship, I think she's messed up. In that case, what is she going to put up for collateral, her depreciating vagina??? Yippee!

 

[davidf]

I'm getting married Jan. 4th. I'm pretty sure she's the one {8 yrs.}, but everytime I see a gorgous woman walk by I think, wait, maybe she's the one.:biggrin: hehe.

 

[ediddynsx]

Theres no financial benefit for guys to get married. But if you feel she is the one then go for it. But you have to be 10000% sure that you can commit to it. If I ever find the right person then I shall consider it otherwise.....either A. They shall be a live in girlfriend and mother of my kids or B) Never gonna get married again and follow the rules below(Purely entertainment only however many guys follow these rules)....:tongue:




http://www.tenetsofleykis.com/

We are in the hit-it and quit-it club. We don't have time to get to get to know you and figure out if you're one of the good ones.

$40.00 Limit - Never spend then $40 no a date. >>
3 Dates Rule - Stop seeing the girl if you do not get laid after the third date. >>
No Means No - If she says no then, STOP, get your stuff, and leave. >>
Single Mothers - Never date single mothers. >>
Tabasco Sauce - After having sex pour Tabasco sauce into the used condom. >>
Co-worker Relationships - Never date a co-worker. >>
Approaching Women in Groups - Never approach a woman in a club that's surrounded by her girlfriends. >>
Sex To Go - No spooning, cuddling, and or staying over after sex. >>
Relationships - Do not get into a serious relationship before the age of 25. >>
Weekend Dates - Do not go out on weekend dates unless you are guaranteed sex. >>
Cell Phone Dates - If your dates cell phone rings during the date then immediately leave. >>
Women in Bars - Sit at a bar alone and do not talk to any women. >>
After Hours Homely Pickings - The fugly women are the last one's to get picked up. >>
Birth Control - Regardless of what a woman says always use birth control. >>
No Gifts - No gifts are ever given to booty calls and women you are dating. >>
Beverage Consumption - Buy Hard Alcohol over Beer. >>
Types of Dates - Avoid lunch and or coffee dates. >>
Jerks and Assholes - If women think you are a jerk, then your doing something right. >>
Master Filibusters - Do directly from the bar the bedroom. >>
Eating Before Dates - Have a hearty meal before a date. >>
Marriage Contract - Never marry with out a prenuptial agreement. >>
You Choose the date - You choose what to do on the date. >>
Income and Women - The amount of income you have often determines the type of women you get. >>
Male Friends - All her male friends want to have sex with her. >>
No Sex At Your House - Never bring a woman home for sex. >>
No Compliments - Never compliment a woman. >>
Easily Replaceable - Have her know that if she does not put out then you will get it else where. >>
Holidays - Break up with your women during those money sucking holiday seasons. >>
Change is not Inevitable - Do not change who you are just for a woman. >>
Prepare your Identity - Be the doctor she wants or the million she's looking for. >>
Power Before Kids and Marriage - Men have the most power before kids and a family. >>
Paternity Test - Always get a paternity test no matter how sure you are that it is your child. >>
No DNA Donation - Never help a women you have no intention of marring have kids. >>
Women Are Dream Killers - They want to reach their dreams and stop yours. >>
Ultimatum, Run - If a women gives you an ultimatum then run and don't look back. >>
Giving and Getting Phone Numbers - Give your number out to as many women as possible. >>
Women on Vacation - Your women's on vacation and she maybe sleeping with other guys. >>
Don't Move In With Girlfriend - Do not move in with your girlfriend. >>
Don't Call Her Back - Don't call her back after the date. >>

Tenets Vs. Tenents

Te·net
Pronunciation: 'te-n&t also 'tE-n&t
Function: noun
Etymology: Latin, he holds, from tenEre to hold
: a principle, belief, or doctrine generally held to be true; especially : one held in common by members of an organization, movement, or profession.

Ten·ant
Pronunciation: 'te-n&nt
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Middle French, from present participle of tenir to hold
1 a : one who holds or possesses real estate or sometimes personal property (as an annuity) by any kind of right b : one who has the occupation or temporary possession of lands or tenements of another; specifically : one who rents or leases (as a house) from a landlord.

 

[asdn]

My thoughts:

Easy answer:

If you feel like that significant other is the one (meaning: you can't see her with anyone else but you) then get marry.

Hard answer:

Being married is not an easy thing to do. It takes both the man and woman giving 100% to make it work.


True love does conquer all....through hardships and etc. Realize that a marriage isn't always going to be "a bed of roses". Never quit and remember that your significant other is not your enemy.

Bottom line:

If you don't plan on having children, then don't get married. If you plan of having children then get married...but then divorce is no longer an option.

As a school teacher....kids suffer the consequences when parents divert to their ways and get a divorce.

Hope this helps a bit.



Time

 

[mickeylex]

I'm getting married Jan. 4th. I'm pretty sure she's the one {8 yrs.}, but everytime I see a gorgous woman walk by I think, wait, maybe she's the one.:biggrin: hehe.

Congrats on your upcoming wedding. RE: other beautiful women (I say other, b/c your wife should always be one of them :smile. They are everywhere. My wife sees me looking, but she knows I won't touch. When she sees me looking, she usually comments about how pretty the woman is as well. I finish it up by saying something like "yeah, but who told her to wear that purse w/ those jeans"..."I know you would never make a mistake like that" :biggrin:

Go rent/netflix/watch the movie: "I Think I Love My Wife".

 

[Ski_Banker]

Keep 'em coming guys. Maybe this should be the Unofficial Getting Hitched thread?

Eddy - too funny. Some seriously funny videos on that site.

BTW, for me at least, I'm not "bitter" or anything. I'm 30. Haven't been wronged, and have had very long relationships but not in a while. But -- I have become rather cynical in the last 4-5 years about women in general. Not all or even most, of course. I've just seen and heard too many stories of successful guys getting raked over the coals financially by some opportunist chick -- so I'm pretty wary. That potential problem is easily solved with a Massey Pre-Nup though.
_____________________________________________________________
So here's the part I (and many others in my shoes I'm sure) don't get:

WHY IS IT THAT BAD??? If so many older/wiser guys are saying "Bro, take it from me, don't get married." Why is that? What is the problem? I'm pretty sure it isn't simply the "just one girl for the rest of your life" issue. So what is it? Please be honest and relatively specific. :redface:

Edit: Like I said above - I'd love to be married someday. I believe in true love and all that bullshit. But there just seems to be SO MUCH evidence to the contrary that my beliefs have been really shaken.

 

[Ski_Banker]

Also, for me, I see two *really big* reasons for getting married (or at least being in a bound LT relationship):

1. You won't always be young and getting lots of... Seriously, when you're 65?? Better to have a great friend and companion IMHO.

2. What you "give up" by being married when times are good, are things you could never have when times are bad. Your wife (and you to her) helps you through the bad times. Again seriously, when you have cancer or are struggling with a failing business -- how much ass would you really be getting as a single guy?? None. Those are the times when you need a sidekick.

So that is the value, to me at least, in being married.

 

[docjohn]

If you single guys are thinking about this that much then you are not ready, period.I got married at 41. I had enough of the bachelor life.We all go through phases in life.Our dreams ,aspirations,and goals constantly change as well.When that voice in your head says, hey I could be monogamous with whomever you are seeing,then you need to analyze how your lives are together,are you better for knowing this person.My wife has improved me in many ways.She has been my best decision in my life.we have 2 boys and a wonderful home. You can second guess anything in life,but with marriage you need 100% conviction.With children your union has to be very smooth almost seamless.The children don't need to be pawns in a bad marriage.I am pretty sure that some of you guys have been "dating" the same woman for umpteen years and keep dodging the marriage bullit ,what will you do or did do if she is strong enough to give you the final ultimatum.So to sum it up ,a successful married couple should be greater together than the individuals alone.Children can be one part of it.As others have said though marriage is more about helping each other through sickness stress,all of lifes' challenges,then the good times are gravy!:smile:

 

[steveny]

I'm not sure it is that simple. I bet many of us here have had a long term relationship with somebody who they thought were the one, but it didn't end up that way. I was with my high school girlfriend for 5 years. For most of those 5 years I thought she was the one, in fact I was sure about it.

The fact is that people change, and you never know what the future holds.

Why enter a governmental contract with this person when it is impossible to foretell the future?

If you want to show that you are devoted to another person, just have a wedding ceremony with rings, family, cake, a DJ, etc. That's what women really want (right?). Why do you need to bring your state’s government into the equation? If a woman wants me to put up half of my assets as collateral for a lifelong relationship, I think she's messed up. In that case, what is she going to put up for collateral, her depreciating vagina??? Yippee!

If she won't sign a pre-nup then she probably isn't "the one."

 

[docjohn]

A pre nup should be what I call a clarity document.It is drawn up with the intent to simplify and streamline a divorce if it ever happened.It should also limit the lawyer fee black hole that pops up in any divorce universe. If you draw it up to protect you in case of divorce, what protection is there for your wife ,assuming you were'nt stupid enough to marry a high maintanance,manipulative gold digger,man eater,,ask DocL about that topic!

 

[jond]

If a woman wants me to put up half of my assets as collateral for a lifelong relationship, I think she's messed up. In that case, what is she going to put up for collateral, her depreciating vagina??? Yippee!

Good way to look at it. I know every chicks reaction when you bring up the topic of a prenup. But it's not fair for only one side to put up collateral. And that's what it is with our current legal system.

Shoot, I've heard that after 10 years of marriage, she can take 1/2 your social security for life! Thats just messed up.

 

[davidf]

Congrats on your upcoming wedding. RE: other beautiful women (I say other, b/c your wife should always be one of them :smile. They are everywhere. My wife sees me looking, but she knows I won't touch. When she sees me looking, she usually comments about how pretty the woman is as well. I finish it up by saying something like "yeah, but who told her to wear that purse w/ those jeans"..."I know you would never make a mistake like that" :biggrin:

Go rent/netflix/watch the movie: "I Think I Love My Wife".

Thanks. She's the one that talked me into the NSX. Thats all she heard for 8 years that we've dated. Finally she says: why don't you just buy you an NSX before we get married. She's a keeper.:wink:

 

[xrc]

I would like to chime in, I am 24 years old and have been in the military since I was 19. I honestly have no desire to get married, or plan to until my 30's. Or is it that fact I have not met the right girl yet? I understand that people change as they get older, but seeing a lot of people get married at the age of 18-21 boggles my mind. Also I have known many people that get married that know the significant other for only a few months. More young people get married in the military that any other place. And the military has the highest divorce ratio as well. Just my observations.

 

[rowr]

That ol' saying, "We're all the same, but different" seems to fit how folks' perception of marriage may turn out. We know what we have in mind, but the same set of circumstances may be acceptable to one guy and not the other...That along with what stage in your life you are at and whether that other person fits in or not.

And it changes constantly..what may have been important points 5 years ago (in my case, joint accounts, maiden vs married names, etc) may not be an issue at all with the combination of more time and the right person at the right time to get the relationship started down the right road.

I took a class in an unrelated field this last weekend, and the instructor's feedback seems to fit this situation.."You're a smart guy, but you're overthinking the problem. Stop brain fu*king it to death and you'll be fine"

I got married for the first time at age 45. Not because being single stunk, or my "clock" was ticking, or any of that other crap I use to think was important. We get along great, think alike about most things, and we both know that minds are like parachutes...they work best when they're open.

Bottom line: Best thing that ever happened to me..I'm most fortunate.

 

[steveny]

Good way to look at it. I know every chicks reaction when you bring up the topic of a prenup. But it's not fair for only one side to put up collateral. And that's what it is with our current legal system. .

Renee never even read the prenup we signed. She just signed it like a receipt for something at the store. Not even a glance.

Shoot, I've heard that after 10 years of marriage, she can take 1/2 your social security for life! Thats just messed up.

This is true too.

 

[steveny]

Flew to Florida today, obviously sat next to my wife on the plane. We flew Jet Blue. Here's why we get along so well....I'm sure most people know on jet blue you get your own TV and a set of head phones. I am flipping through the channels and stop to look at something that interests me. I just happen to look over at my wife's TV she has the same thing on. Now I check to make sure she isn't watching what I am doing. I decide to flip through the next channels, There is a chase sceen, I stop there. I look over and she is watching the same chase seen. I said to my self when I am bored with this I will not turn the channel but will mark in time when I would turn the channel. At the end of the chase seen I was ready to turn the channel at that very second my wife turned the channel. That's Beautiful. That's a match.:smile:

 

[Deltron Zero]

Renee never even read the prenup we signed. She just signed it like a receipt for something at the store. Not even a glance.

Did she know it was a prenup? I was thinking if I were to ever get married, I would shove a bunch of papers in front of her to sign without her knowing exactly what it was. Kinda like signing papers with a title company when buying a house.

Those with prenups, how do they read? My thought was to say (in much more words of course) 'if we ever split up, I'll give you whatever I think is fair' and leave it at that. That way I can decide what she gets based on the circumstances (if she cheats on me I can leave her in the gutter, etc.).

 

[steveny]

Did she know it was a prenup? I was thinking if I were to ever get married, I would shove a bunch of papers in front of her to sign without her knowing exactly what it was. Kinda like signing papers with a title company when buying a house.

Those with prenups, how do they read? My thought was to say (in much more words of course) 'if we ever split up, I'll give you whatever I think is fair' and leave it at that. That way I can decide what she gets based on the circumstances (if she cheats on me I can leave her in the gutter, etc.).

Yes Renee knew what she signed.

I have heard although our prenup did not have it thst you can put in a cheating clause.
Ours is pretty straight forward, I get whats mine and she gets whats her's.

 

[Deltron Zero]

I get whats mine and she gets whats her's.

I see. That being said, does this force you to define which assets are whose? Are there no joint assets? Or would those be split evenly?