Give me your thoughts on this situation please

[Cairo94507]

In California that would be a 72 hour 5150 Welfare & Institutions hold at a psychiatric facility for mental health evaluation.

The best thing you scan do for him is get him some professional help and be supportive. Do not let them drag you into the abyss.

 

[clr1024]

Dave,

You have every right to be angry, you did the right thing and you are a good friend. Unfortuantely this happened to a good friend of mine a few years back, he commited suicide left behind her and the two teenage sons...that's a whole story in and of itself. It's taken a long while but she is able to cope now.


As others have said he needs help, but often those that are suicidal have severe tunnel vision, they can only focus on them and their immediate problems. They don't focus on the impact their suicide has on others.

I think you can offer him help as a good friend but he needs professional counseling to get him to open up about all of the issues that are pushing him down this path and how to get past them.


Hoping for the best, for you and your friend.

Carl

 

[Hasdrubal]

As some have said, he has to actually want help. What is even more important is that he has to be ready for help. I've seen this far too many times, with suicidal people, depressed people, and addicted people. They know there's something wrong with them, they don't like it, and they don't want to stay that way.

But, whatever got them there in the first place isn't done with them, and no matter how many times they cry out, they can't accept the help that is so commonly offered with the best of intentions. They all too often fall right back into the same destructive behavior that tears their friends and families apart.

Sometimes, and most definitely not every time, the best thing a friend can do is to talk to them and get them to the point where they are ready. This is incredibly difficult, because few of us are mental health professionals, because it's hard for them to believe you really understand, and because often it doesn't matter what anyone says.

If someone's not ready, it's nobody's fault. Not even theirs, although it can easily be their fault they got there in the first place. I believe the only reason anyone else should feel guilty is if their friend is ready for help, and you turn them away.

 

[LMR]

There is lots of good info here for helping this situation. You will have to decide which will work best for you and your friend. You took the correct first step by helping him off the ledge. I hope it all works out for both of you.

 

[TURBO2GO]

Thanks guys for all the replies. He has been seeing a guidance councilor for 4+ years now, but that was for his personal issues and not a marriage councilor. His wife wanted to see a marriage councilor a while ago and in his usual stubborn ways, he refused. It's this kind of thing that makes me angry, that he created his own predicament and then he tries to end it by suicide and of course that screws anyone that cares about him.

He is doing better now, and I will recommend that he see someone different and also a marriage councilor. For the time being I told him to separate from his wife, take some time and get himself healthy. I am taking him to my MMA classes and teaching him boxing and jiujitsu. He can expend some energy, sweat, feel better about himself. We will have a routine from now of going to do MMA together and go out and have dinner aftewardsr a few times a week. He can at least talk to me, someone he really does trust. I think that will probably do more for him than any psychologist, but I will encourage both obviously. I'm having to alter my life and schedule some in order to do this with him, but hopefully it will have an impact. I'm doing what I can. If he decides that he is going to jump off a bridge anyway at least I can look back and say I tried my best and feel LESS guilty (I will still feel very sad).

I'm in a strange position because he and his wife both come to me. They both tell me that they trust me more than anyone else. I don't really take sides I just try to point out what's wrong. I've become the councilor, the psychologist, the martial arts teacher, and the hang out buddy without volunteering for any of it. LOL...

I guess I am just glad he is alive. Had my phone battery been dead or I in another room when he sent me that "goodbye" text, he may be dead right now and I am thankful he is not. So I guess doing all this stuff is small in comparison. Let's just hope he listens and changes because as you guys have mentioned, you can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped.

 

[BATMANs]

....HE NEEDS A PSYCHIATRIST, NOT A FRIEND. Most of them are f'd in the head too, as it takes one to know one.

Who's f'd in the head? the Shrink? I need to know since the girl that I'm seeing is studying to be one and is a bit eccentric like me.

She's also a model (5'9" 119lbs with natural C cups) at Hollister and relishes playing mind games with others (it doesn't work on me since I'm the one that pushes buttons and am androit at selective hearing).

Should I be concern?

 

[TURBO2GO]

Should I be concern?

I would say yes, you should have some level of concern if you need to tell all of us your girlfriend's bra size on a thread where I am seeking advice regarding suicide.

 

[Vega$ NSX]

Who's f'd in the head? the Shrink? I need to know since the girl that I'm seeing is studying to be one and is a bit eccentric like me.

She's also a model (5'9" 119lbs with natural C cups) at Hollister and relishes playing mind games with others (it doesn't work on me since I'm the one that pushes buttons and am androit at selective hearing).

Should I be concern?

I am 100% convinced ALL women have some sort of mental issue; some just worse than others.

 

[NsXMas]

Your buddy is looking at this all wrong. i'd say it's time to celebrate.

LOL I was going to say the samething...basically quit being a pussy and man up dude.

Yea it's sad ending a relationship, yada yada yada. So many people get divorced and move on that it should be manageable, not suicidal.

He's got an underlying issue, not just the marriage ending. He really needs to get evaluated by a professional, and maybe get a hobby, or something.

 

[NsXMas]

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

You are absolutely correct that it is a selfish act... but it is a symptom of a more severe problem. It's a person's emotional statement that "I can't cope with a severe issue" and this manifests itself as suicidal ideation, threat, attempt, or death.

In this case, his stress is episodic due to a divorce. Yup, there's a pill for that...

You are a good friend for looking after him.

You will be an even better friend when you drop him off for an appointment at his new psychologist's office or voluntary admission to a hospital ward for him to "chill-out and get help".

You have every right to be pissed at him for fucking up his marriage, that's a conversation you get to have with him down the road over a couple of beers when he is emotionally healthy.

I've got a MUCH BETTER idea than that.

Have this guy visit the cancer ward of any local hospital. Go see people with REAL problems, not some crappy emotional issues. That will help him put his life in perspective.

He will come out of the cancer ward much more appreciation of what he's got, than what he doesn't have.

If he still wants to throw away his life after that...then good riddance. But make sure he signs an organ donor card first, and then kill himself right in front of a local hospital so they can harvest his organs, to help those who have real suffering.

 

[TURBO2GO]

I agree that it's lame. That was the source of my anger although I have not expressed it. I've had ex girlfriends threaten with suicide too. That was just as lame. That's why I was saying people that threaten or do this and have so many things in their lives are self-centered people.

Nontheless I was not about to argue with him when he is on a bridge. It is something I will slowly make him aware of. It's easy to sit and be judgmental guys, but when I saw him he broke down and started crying and he pretty much made me cry because I really thought he might go any second as I was on the phone with him. All it would have taken is me saying the wrong thing. At one point he went silent and I thought he may have jumped. It was VERY stressful.

 

[RedWings]

She's also a model (5'9" 119lbs with natural C cups) at Hollister...

If this were a normal thread... "pics or it didn't happen"

Surely you will find another thread in which to offer such proof

 

[TURBO2GO]

If this were a normal thread... "pics or it didn't happen"

Surely you will find another thread in which to offer such proof

Yeah please save it for another thread guys. I am not trying to be an jerk but this is a serious subject.

 

[NsXMas]

I agree that it's lame. That was the source of my anger although I have not expressed it. I've had ex girlfriends threaten with suicide too. That was just as lame. That's why I was saying people that threaten or do this and have so many things in their lives are self-centered people.

Nontheless I was not about to argue with him when he is on a bridge. It is something I will slowly make him aware of. It's easy to sit and be judgmental guys, but when I saw him he broke down and started crying and he pretty much made me cry because I really thought he might go any second as I was on the phone with him. All it would have taken is me saying the wrong thing. At one point he went silent and I thought he may have jumped. It was VERY stressful.

Kudos to you for helping him out.

I have very low patience for people who are self-centered and make other people's lives more difficult with their stupidity. He would no longer be my friend after something like this. So he is fortunate that you're his friend, and not me.

I hope it all turns out well for him.

 

[NSX-C2]

Has this friend of yours always been pampered all his life?

 

[shawn110975]

I have had alot of actually more than my share of friends that are no longer on this Earth, its not fun to be in someone else shoes for a day.

the best way to get over a women is to
score with 5 more. those 5 more actually fill the hole in your heart.

not to push religion into the mix but some people find God in times like these and it helps them piece back together a functioning life.
the thought of forgiveness and Heaven out weigh the minor problems
that we deal with on earth. this is not for everyone but I felt since no-one has mentioned it I would.

go see a shrink some has suggested that too only works for some not all.

I am glad you helped your friend Turbo you are someone that we need as part of our Prime collective.

things will work out they always do. but tell him and yourself try and milk your life and get as much as you can out of it before you go.

dont let things get to you, never beat yourself up for standing up for how you feel.

I praise you for your loyalty to a friend not many people can say they have a friend that pulled me from the edge literally. thats truly hard to find.

I have heard
"a friend will help you move, but a true friend will help you move a body."
just kidding.

 

[TURBO2GO]

Has this friend of yours always been pampered all his life?

No he really hasn't. Comes from a modest family and worked all his life. Wasn't an only kid, and parents were fairly strict with him. So that theory doesn't really fit.

 

[NsXMas]

...the best way to get over a women is to
score with 5 more. those 5 more actually fill the hole in your heart.
....

Interesting philosophy. I've never had to score with another chick to get over one. My life is extremely fun and interesting with or without a chick...so no need to get another chick or more to fill the "void." As a single guy had some of the best times in my life. :biggrin:

 

[TURBO2GO]

the best way to get over a women is to
score with 5 more. those 5 more actually fill the hole in your heart.

Shawn I hear you but he's not a 20 year old virgin. Sleeping with 5 random girls isn't going to make him forget his wife of almost 20 years who happens to be a great woman.

There are guys here that have made various comments regarding marriage but every guy is different. What works for one isn't going to work for another. This guy definitely has some emotional issues and some shortcomings that you can't just change, and his wife was a perfect fit that filled all those holes. Really watched over him and made him a more well-rounded and more stable person. She was the voice of reason in many situations. She also gave him a GREAT deal of freedom and never inhibited him, never really "ruled" the household and looked for input and respected his feelings. Compromised a great deal for him. Not once cheated on him or lied to him. Had a sense of value for him.

Yeah I can hook him up with a half dozen women pretty quickly, but not all women are created equal either. He'd be all excited at the thought of being around some beautiful women for a while and then he would just miss her and see the things the others can't provide.

 

[TURBO2GO]

Interesting philosophy. I've never had to score with another chick to get over one. My life is extremely fun and interesting with or without a chick...so no need to get another chick or more to fill the "void." As a single guy had some of the best times in my life. :biggrin:

That's a great attitude... until you meet that one that F***'s with your head. LOL...

Well since this thread has sort of run its course if you guys want to hijack it now and start talking about man/woman issues, be my guest.

 

[NsXMas]

That's a great attitude... until you meet that one that F***'s with your head. LOL...

....

That'll nevah happen!!!! :biggrin:

 

[H-carWizKid]

This is sad. I haven't ever had this sort of problem, but I tried to place myself in your shoes and think of what I would do.

It might seem like a difficult thing, considering trust in the friendship- but is there any way you can communicate with his family that this is going on? It's just not fair for you to have to bear this on your own- and it isn't fair to them if their son / estranged husband is out there standing on the ledge and they don't have the opportunity to help him- or to get him help.

I don't know the ins and outs of the laws on these sort of things, but I imagine it takes a family member to check him into a professional facility for observation / evaluation.

Professionals need to look at this sort of thing. Suicide is no joke.

 

[BD]

First off, you did the right thing by doing everything you can to save his sorry ass.

Second, any man is willing to jump off a bridge for a woman is an idiot.

third, if his wife is leaving him due to his own action, he will have to realize the fact that she is no longer willing to tolerate him and needs to change. Change is hard to do but if he truly love her, he will do just that, not for her but for his own good. If she never returns, he will still have to be a different human being if he desires another relationship.

Finally, you have the right to be angry, not just at him, but the whole situation. You can be an mediator by counseling them as a friend; however, it is still his responsibility to face the fact that he is the one who is screw up and will have to apologize to both of you and try to make things better by change for the better.

Dave, the good thing is that with you involved as his best friend, you uncovered something that wasn't know to you in the past, and if you two are still good friends, you can take the proper steps to help him - On both the personal level as well as his marriage.

 

[Big_D]

Sorry to hear about your friend. The holidays are a tough time for everyone that is going through relationship problems. Sounds like you are a good friend and from what I have been reading you are really helping him by trying to get him engaged in other activities that will help him get his mind off of the situation. Best of Luck!

 

[queenlives]

Sorry to hear about your friend. The holidays are a tough time for everyone that is going through relationship problems. Sounds like you are a good friend and from what I have been reading you are really helping him by trying to get him engaged in other activities that will help him get his mind off of the situation. Best of Luck!

+1 (if you don't mind, i'll add my feedback.)

to this (and other quality feedback others have given) i would add some words of caution re this becoming an unhealthy situation for you.

i appreciate that you and he / they have been good friends for 20+ years, and that you have been / are there to support him / them. if he's been in counseling for some time now, it's likely he's had discussions with his therapist about the issues that are resulting in his current situation / life direction. in the end, though, *he* needs to fully address the issues and handle them accordingly so *you* can be supportive without carrying too heavy a burden of his life choices and negatively impacting your own life.

best wishes in this situation.
hal