Neighbor who wants to borrow stuff

[Hothonda]

So I have this neighbor who is a part time resident next door to me - while he's gone I get e-mails that he's shipped stuff via UPS-FedEX-etc to me for him and would I mind putting them in his garage for when he arrives next time...this has been going on for two years probably 20 times a year. When he and his family get here to visit he's over to borrow my ladder, wrenches etc. etc. mostly the same stuff every time. I'm tired of this ....not a bad person just a pain in the ass and not normally the type I'd have to be my good friend. He always prefaces his request(& e-mails) with some other reason for stopping by and then goes "oh by the way could I borrow your......."

My wife thinks I should just be Mr. Nice Guy and just do it and let it go...I on the other hand am ready to tell him it's time to stop and and fend for himself. On top of that he bring us useless, inexpensive gifts which I view like what the settlers gave the indians way back when....

Am I off base here?

Thanks!

 

[scorp965]

It's something of a touchy situation; you want to tell him to stop, but that will create an uncomfortable relationship with the neighbor.

My current house was used as a retirement home prior to being re-modeled and sold to me; because of this my neighbor's were used to parking in front of it, and were used to not having to worry about residents parking in front of their house - this created a situation where something as trivial as parking a few inches in front of somebody else's house, even when there is nowhere else to park, results in cold stares and 'watering the lawn' (and offending car). This is somewhat compounded by one of my neighbors who fills his garage with a workshop, his driveway with a utility trailer, and parks a full-length RV in front of his house, but still has 3 additional cars to park. On the surface this seems trivial, but after 2 years it has led to a situation where my immediate neighbor's will place trash cans right on the edge of the property line, hose down freshly washed cars, and my vehicles have been egged several times (I now have security cameras, installed in full view of the neighbors, and this problem has stopped). What this has resulted in is cold stares from the people who live on either side of my house, and only an occasional wave from the person across the street - its a trivial concern, parking, but it means a lot to them, and has made the physical location somewhat annoying, especially after moving from a very warm neighborhood.

This is the situation you could find yourself in if you tell your neighbor to stop using your tools, and to stop using you to accept packages. If he is only a part-time neighbor, and you have no meaningful relationship with him, by all means I would tell him to shove it... it seems he finds no problem in 'using' people for tools he should own himself, and, while an occasionally package is okay, 20 packages a year is excessive. If the situation was a small annoyance to you it might make sense to let the situation be, to preserve a sense of community, but it seems like it may have moved beyond that.

 

[medusa]

You must seem like a good guy for him to think that he can trust you. I know it can be annoying but hey, it could be a lot worst. jmo *shrugs*

 

[Easy_Goin']

How about.."you ever gonne get any of this stuff that you need often"? (timing it with a laf on a technical discussion on something else that uses these tools.) He may get the hint, but then you didn't actually say it, if he implies you were being mean about not wanting to keep lending things.

 

[Acura NsX Pilot]

I know some people like that and when they ask to borrow stuff I now say I loaned it to someone and havent gotten it back yet. As far as the parking thing goes when I go to my sisters house the people actually think they own the parking spot in front of the street are are so bold they come ring the bell and tell you to move.

 

[sahtt]

The next time he asks you to borrow a tool he often borrows, this is what you do-

"I realized you seem to need to borrow my torque wrench pretty often lately. I went ahead and tried to help you out by finding this great deal on one here at www.stopborrowingmyfkingtools.com".

The actual address was a joke, sears.com would probably work a little better. That's a subtle way of saying you know he borrows your tools a lot but also gives him the impression you are being helpful by giving him a chance to buy one on his own as he may be busy and just never have a decent opportunity to get his own.

 

[Deltron Zero]

Is there anything you can ask from him in return? I'm sure you could think of something you can have him do for you. Send him on a few errands for you. If he doesn't oblige then you won't feel bad refusing to help him.

You could always open up the packages you receive for him. If it's anything good you can keep it and say you never got it!

 

[Hothonda]

Keep 'em coming guys....I told my wife I put this up on Prime and she's ready to shoot me!

 

[queenlives]

i find this an interesting thread because i've personally experienced each of the examples given up to this point.

for non-confrontational / retention of "relationship", i like the suggestion re telling him you've loaned the tool to someone else.

if you don't value / appreciate the gifts he brings you, the next time he makes a request for you to keep an eye out for his packages, etc, take a proactive approach and say, "and you know, bob, rather than bring me a gift, it'd be great if you'd make a donation to xxx - that way others benefit from my assistance / involvement."

i'm curious, since he lives there only part time (you didn't say how frequently he returns or the duration of his stays), who looks after his residence when he's not there?

tell your wife we're not rattin' you out

 

[Easy_Goin']

The next time he asks you to borrow a tool he often borrows, this is what you do-

"I realized you seem to need to borrow my torque wrench pretty often lately. I went ahead and tried to help you out by finding this great deal on one here at www.stopborrowingmyfkingtools.com".

The actual address was a joke, sears.com would probably work a little better. That's a subtle way of saying you know he borrows your tools a lot but also gives him the impression you are being helpful by giving him a chance to buy one on his own as he may be busy and just never have a decent opportunity to get his own.

This is a great suggestion. On your wife's part, just imagine his wife or gf come and borrows her personals. lol..

 

[Meeyatch1]

So I have this neighbor who is a part time resident next door to me - while he's gone I get e-mails that he's shipped stuff via UPS-FedEX-etc to me for him and would I mind putting them in his garage for when he arrives next time...this has been going on for two years probably 20 times a year. When he and his family get here to visit he's over to borrow my ladder, wrenches etc. etc. mostly the same stuff every time. I'm tired of this ....not a bad person just a pain in the ass and not normally the type I'd have to be my good friend. He always prefaces his request(& e-mails) with some other reason for stopping by and then goes "oh by the way could I borrow your......."

My wife thinks I should just be Mr. Nice Guy and just do it and let it go...I on the other hand am ready to tell him it's time to stop and and fend for himself. On top of that he bring us useless, inexpensive gifts which I view like what the settlers gave the indians way back when....

Am I off base here?

Thanks!

Why is the guy a 'part time neighbor' anyway?

I know where you are coming from though. I have a friend who always used to have stuff sent to my address for vaious reasons. I felt terribly uncomfortable with it because not only did I have to take up space storing it, but more importantly, I had to be responsible for it! I did not want something to get shipped to be already broken and they have him get it and have to be caught in the middle of if it was broken before it got to me, or if I broke it. Or even worse, the shippers leaves it at my door and someone steals it, then I would feel guilty for it. I had to draw the line and say, 'No more'. There is a difference between being nice and overstepping your bounds. The way I look at it, if the guy is gone for long stretches at a time, ship the item to where you are!! If you do not want it yet, do not buy it or have it shipped!! Seems like common sense to me.

 

[gdae]

Too bad he's not borrowing something cheap like pruning shears. You could just give him a pair for Christmas and be done with it. Or, you could buy a crappy set of wrenches, for instance, from a pawnshop to serve as your "loaners." If he can't hardly work with them, he won't keep asking for them. In this way, you can wean him by souring the the milk.
And I'd hate to accept packages for anybody. How do you know they're not full of weed? The cops could show up one day ....

 

[Semnos_NSX]

As far as the accepting packages go, I think Meeyatch1 has the best idea. Just talk to him and tell him that you really enjoy helping him out but due to liability issues, you would feel much more comfortable if you didn’t have to accept packages on his behalf.

With the borrowing of tools thing, I would just keep telling him a friend is doing a lot of work on his house, car, whatever and you lent him many of your tools to get the job done. Eventually he’ll get the hint…….

 

[Ryanmcd2]

E-mail him a link to this thread

 

[710]

Yeah, it is always tricky to know what to do. But I had exactly the same problem (both points).
I have found” incompetence” to be a great friend. Damage (see below) a package or two. Definitely get some crap tools, break them if you have to, and then lend them to him. Faulty electrical plug, remove completely a few screws from the sander, missing sockets, wrenches, especially the 13mm and 17mm.
I have tried this and was shocked at how incredibly quick people stopped asking for things! Like friggin lighting, wham, never heard from them again. Absolutely amazing. AND revealing. Makes me sick.
Having said that, there are friends I would lend anything to, they are the ones who understand how tricky it is, they replace broken stuff without me having to ask etc.
But the others, well, after they stop borrowing and disappear, it becomes clear that they were only taking advantage of the situation.
One time I borrowed (Sunday, shop was closed) a tool from a friend and it was crap. (The rest of his tools are mostly good). A pulley puller. So the next week I bought a good one for him. Now he really easily lends me his stuff, no problem (although I don’t abuse his generosity, never did). Would your neighbour do this?

There is an unwritten rule about borrowed tools. They break. And you (the borrower) are stuck with not only buying a new tool, but also losing that tool because you give it to the owner of the broken tool. Right? And we all know that tools break REALLY easily when they are borrowed. It is just not worth it to borrow tools.
So people who know about tools avoid borrowing them at all costs.
About the packages, put one in the garage, then back over it with your car. Whoops. Next time make sure that leaky pipe drips right through it. Pity, but hey...
And, do you have a dog? THEY can be REALLY useful! If not, you could “borrow” your “cousin’s” dog etc.
Parties at your house by your friends (when you are not there, of course) are also very useful. Friends can be careless you know...
Good luck, but most important of all, have fun with this. Turn an annoying situation into a fun one.

 

[mickeylex]

It's annoying, but I'd continue being a good neighbor. You are doing no wrong by being a good guy and you are a better person for it. You may need his help someday - you never know.

In addition, I'd avoid creating an uncomfortable situation w/ somone who lives next to you when it's something as insignificant as helping the guy out w/ packages or letting him borrow tools. I mean, if he killed your dog, then yeah, talk w/ him.

Although its a pain to live next to this guy now, you know what you have living next to you - a part time pain in the ass. I wouldn't want this guy to feel uncomfortable if I talked w/ him. That could make him decide to move and a full time pain in the ass might move in. :smile:

 

[Hothonda]

[QUOTE
Although its a pain to live next to this guy now, you know what you have living next to you - a part time pain in the ass. I wouldn't want this guy to feel uncomfortable if I talked w/ him. That could make him decide to move and a full time pain in the ass might move in. :smile:[/QUOTE]

Well said thanks...at least I know what I've got!

 

[Deltron Zero]

Well said thanks...at least I know what I've got!

Yup! My neighbors have no clue they live next to a serial killer.

 

[Hal_396]

About borrowing tools, I tell people I loaned them out to someone else already....... I make a living using my tools so they mean more to be than most people would think.

 

[nsx1]

I haven't read this entire thread, but if he keeps borrowing the same stuff, then he's obviously bring it back after he uses it.

That's way better than him borrowing it, and not returning it.

Here's what has worked for me...
Next time he asks to borrow your ladder, tie a ribbon around it and tell him it's a gift. (He will probably try to reject it.) Then go out and buy yourself a better one. This way, he will NEVER ask to borrow your ladder again AND you can reject all those crappy gifts he offers you.

 

[DutchBlackNsx]

I've been in this sort of situation with me old neighbours.

In me new house, i went to the neighbours to introduce myself, and told them what they can expect from me and what not.

Been great since.

Dont feel like lying to them or any excuses.


Oke, this is Holland...........

 

[robr]

I've been in this sort of situation with me old neighbours.

In me new house, i went to the neighbours to introduce myself, and told them what they can expect from me and what not.

Been great since.

Dont feel like lying to them or any excuses.


Oke, this is Holland...........

So... you move in, walk over to your new neighbor, and say what...

Hi, I'm Joe NSX, I'm your new neighbor. You may not park in front of my house or borrow my tools, you may feel free to drop by with beer.

I don't get it. What do you do, give them an itemized list of things they can expect?

 

[schuey1010]

This is along the same lines, and I believe I started my own thread about this here. My neighbor has people over ALL the time. There is plenty of parking on the cul de sac around the corner that will not be in front of anyone's house, and only be about thirty more steps to walk. I don't mind if you park in front of my house for the night, but when you are going away on your Hawaiian vacation, don't leave your POS in front of my house for two weeks. My better half just tells me to be nice and not cause problems.

The front of his house looks like Jeff Gordon just blew his motor in the street. He has about a five foot circle of oil leak from his various garbage cars. He then parks his garbage in front of my house so I can look at his oil droppings too.

He needs to keep his crap to himself. I don't want to look at his cars or the oil slick he creates. I have an extra car just to keep in front of my house so he can't park there. WOW! I am anal. If I am taking the extra car out, I will have the wife in one of the others ready to swoop in and trade places on the street so he doesn't try to move in on my spot.

 

[DutchBlackNsx]

So... you move in, walk over to your new neighbor, and say what...

Hi, I'm Joe NSX, I'm your new neighbor. You may not park in front of my house or borrow my tools, you may feel free to drop by with beer.

I don't get it. What do you do, give them an itemized list of things they can expect?

lol, well, i simply tell them i like my privacy and i'm not into the 'we are neighbours so lets party together' and what comes with it.
Its not brought in a rough way, hell no, just in a way they understand i expect the same from them, but i may have to add that the peeps living here choose to live here because they wanted a quiet envirmont to live in in the first place.
Maybe its a dutch thing, but they know exactly what i mean. Keep in mind Holland is one of the most populted country's on this planet, so its not an uncommon thing here.
I'm always willing to help out a neighbour, and have done this in the past and will in the future, but i dont want to get in the same situation as before, as the OP is in.
As far as parking, they can park anywhere they want, they pay roadtax, so i cant say anything. but then, there is no way they can park in front of my house anyway.

Now, concerning the beer...............

 

[Meeyatch1]

...The front of his house looks like Jeff Gordon just blew his motor in the street. He has about a five foot circle of oil leak from his various garbage cars. He then parks his garbage in front of my house so I can look at his oil droppings too...

I read this part several times and just kept laughing!! :biggrin: