Let me come at this from a little different perspective. I met my wife in church and not in one of those lonely hearts singles groups. One Sunday, I was minding my own business and this tall, long legged, blond with amazing blue eyes sat next to me in the pew. After a few weeks of her making sure to sit by me (my story) or me trying to sit by her (her story) we struck up a conversation then dated for two years before we got married. We were 31 and established in our careers.
While we were planning the wedding we were also building a house. We joked that if our relationship could survive that, we could survive anything. Little did we know how true that was. We had a lot in common. We both loved sports. We played basketball and softball in leagues. (In H.S. she started on a state basketball champion team) And for someone so sweet and humble, she was a fearce competitor. We also raced sailboats competitively together. And most importantly we laughed a lot. Over the years we developed many inside jokes that all someone had to do was say some key word. Then, she and I would share a look and start laughing. That provided some awkward situations at times but we were entertained.
After six years of marriage and a couple of stressful and expensive fertility procedures we had our son. Was everything running smoothly? Not really. It seems that sometimes traumas of the past can rear their ugly heads in stressful situations. We could let it destroy us or we could find a way to work through it. So we went into counceling and were able to understand and resolve our problem.
For the next 11 years we were happy watching our son grow, coaching baseball and basketball and being involved in our community through various charities. Then in 2005, my wife was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. So I became coach and cheerleader and she became fearce competitor. I did my crying in private. Attitude is everything and she rarely faultered. But, the thing about cancer is that most people don't die of the cancer, they die from the complications caused by the cancer. Well it got into her spinal fluid and she had a couple of spinal hemorages that left her paralyzed from the chest down. Meaning that she was confined to a wheel chair. And I had to change diapers again. But her spirits never changed right up to when her body finally lost the battle last year. We were married 24 years.
I share this not for sympathy (we've had plenty of that) but to illustrate devotion and that marriage is a difficult team sport that has more than one participant. Would I go through all of this again? Yes I would do it in a heart beat.
I pass on the following advice to my son and anyone else who cares: Memorize these words; "I love you honey so I'll compromise and do it your way." (I avoided a lot of misery with that line.) And, if you are concidering marriage, just ask yourself; "would I be willing to change this person's diaper?" If her answer and your answer is yes, it's likely you found the right one. I hope you find whatever or whoever makes you happy.
